i don't need you anymore
   --but some days i need someone who will
   listen, somebody who will hold my hand and
   promise me that it's okay, that someday
   all my scars will go away, and that even if they don't
   i can still be beautiful; i don't need you anymore,
   but some days i need somebody who could make me feel
   something only you could, and some days all i need
   somebody who will keep me safe--

(and some days i wish it was okay for me to
still want you here)

you are the hint of something sweeter
better than this
and more comprehendable
to my sour mind
than anything else
and if nothing else
in these incoherent realms of abstinence
makes any sense to me
but you
then I think
I am afraid

my air conditioner is broken.
the attic is hot and humid.
the air swirls around slowly and lazily as if it isn't causing any discomfort.
as if isn't causing me to take off my shirt and stare at my scars.
pink, purple, white
it's a collage of colors no one would pay to see.
a heartbreaking representation of fragmented human souls left to hurt in peace.

my mind is broken.
my body is numb and miserable.
my thoughts bounce off the sides of my skull as if they weren't pouring salt into my wounds.
as if they weren't pointing at me and whispering to their friend about how grotesque i am.
fat, ugly, worthless
it's a novel of humanity no one would care to read.
a dying representation of why we weren't smiling that day at lunch.

i see so much beauty
through these ugly eyes
what a waste, what a waste

we don't sleep because
we have nothing to
wake up for.