i don't believe in many things
but i believe in you

and this is what i should have said
when you started to burn
bridges,
not only behind
but in front
of you.

i miss the sound of your voice but i guess the rain tapping on my window will suffice for tonight.
we haven't seen each other for months now and i was calling to say that this morning when i was getting my bagel, that song you told me reminded you of me came on, and i wanted to cry because, because -
well,
you know why.

and, i guess i'm calling because only you understand
how that would break my heart.

if my alarm clock was the sound of your voice the snooze button would collect dust.
nobody will ever be to me what you were and still are.

i'm trying to save up my money. to leave. to be free.
not afraid of being moved anymore. of packing everything and leaving.
with nothing but a wool coat and a pocket with a folded up address inside.
wishing i could do that with you one day.

sometimes it gets quiet enough to hear the emptiness of my bed without you.
i had a dream the other night that you and i were on a train. we were on this train and you were holding my hand.
thats the whole dream, you were holding my hand,
and i felt you holding my hand.
i woke up and i couldn't believe it wasn't real.

i've forgotten almost everything about you already, except that
your skin was soft, like the belly of a peach, and
how you would laugh,
making fun of me for the way i pronounced words,
or just your big brown eyes.
yes. your eyes.

these days, i like to pretend
my hands don't shake and
my lungs don't collapse
when i hear your name
[but you've been tugging at me
with puppet strings
and i don't know if
i can breathe
because you
let me or if i am
finally
free]

I had a dream last night
that you refused to talk
to me, and you stared
angrily at walls, burning
holes through bricks. You
walked straight into me and
your bitterness was a bulldozer
that i couldn't stop, couldn't
read the words ironed on
your shirt. So I started to
cry, tried your name on
my tongue but you wouldn't
hear me anymore. And at the
end i gave myself to you and
you pushed me off and walked
away, seething,

*that's what you get

i wrote you a 4 page letter,
but I sealed it away in two envelopes
and a roll of tape
because once you read those words
you can not unread them
and you are already so
upset - I do not dare lay
this upon your shoulders.
I wrote you a 4 page letter,
but none of the sentences came out right
All I really wanted to say was
"I love you, please remember me,
do not leave,
it’s not that I want you to be with me
it’s just I don’t want you to be with anyone else”
and it took me 4 pages to say it.
I wrote you a 4 page letter,
but then i saw tears struggling down your cheeks
the suns light reflecting off of them
and i will not make it worse
so I folded it in two envelopes
and one roll of tape
and I shoved it in my
3rd dresser drawer down.
I wrote you a 4 page letter,
but you’ll never see it.
On the second page it says,
" I just want you to be happy"
So I shoved it in my 3rd dresser drawer down.
I can already feel the regret in my blood,
burning red hot
while I watch you go.

you wrote me letters
and your words became feathers
  and boy, i've fallen in love.

darkness comes flying through the sky like a plane with broken parts,
and i search for you, where have you gone?