any hope I ever had left long ago
lost in the wind
a kite with a broken string
the scissors held in the trembling hands
of my mother
and now she wonders
where the child she once loved
has gone
and I don't have the heart
to tell her
that she burned the kite with a
gas station zippo lighter
and the ashes were poured
into a glass
of merlot.

I went to therapy
to feel human again
but now I find myself feeling
less alive
than before.

you told me that this
is who you are
hope
you chose the word to define you
for now and eternity
and to be honest
I think it's fitting.

you told me that,
by telling me your word
you were showing me your
trust
in me, and that it would be a secret safe
between us.

what I didn't tell you, though, was that
all hope comes with a certain degree of
naivety
and I'm just sorry
you gave your hope away
to me.

relax.
be calm.
you're safe.
in through the nose, out through the mouth
50 times
and, into thin air
anxiety disppears.
*safe

my greastest fear
is forgetting

if you talk a little louder
and hold on a little tighter
and focus on the smell
of the ****** soap from the
girls' bathroom at school
that lingers on my hands
even after showers
maybe you won't notice
that the girl in your hands
has been a corpse
for quite some time.

they've got an edge going down
and at first it feel good
it feels right
but then the edge becomes a burn
a slow burn, dragging your coeherency down with it
they catch in your throat, choke you
you can't breathe
you feel like you're drowning
but you don't stop
can't stop
and suddenly
it becomes an addiction
it's wrong
it hurts
you feel like it'll never end
but eventually you've thought yourself to sleep
and you wake up the next morning with a headache
and a bad taste in your mouth
that tastes a bit like forgetting