I'm tired of who I am and how people see me
I'm never good enough and there's always a flaw and no matter how hard I try I cannot get past the thought that I am just simply not worth the time.
That even the influential adults in my life have something bad to say and that's all they say.
I'm not worth the positive reviews and the standing ovations because even when I think I'm at my best, someone tears me down.
criticize me on who I am because I make mistakes
like every other human being on this planet
but because I'm young and have more room to learn
I am more susceptible to harsh words and "constructive criticism"
but what happened to building each other up
and as a Christian
loving thy neighbor as thyself
and how God can only judge us
but how come
these words
hurt worse
coming from a friends mouth
about what their mother says about me behind my back.

You were exciting like a firework.
Your light shined briefly in my life.
The excitement was there for a while,
but I took advantage of your light.
I lit you up
and loved every second that your fire fueled mine.
And I'm sorry for that.
I wasn't always the best,
and I had my moments.
I just hope
that I was
an exciting firework in your life
like you were in mine.

I wish I could meet you again.
Sometime back when we were four years old and things didn't seem so hard.
Back when your attention wasn't something I had to plead for.
I wish that some way, somehow, I could touch your hands again.
Entwine my fingers in your hair and speak love onto your lips.
I don't think you understood the significance of our embrace.
The perception of love we shared four years ago was endless
and now its a darkened void that was never there.
I don't know how to feel about the situation we are in right now and I don't understand where God is taking this
But I do know that I have never loved anyone the way that I love you
Shouldn't that be enough?

If I had the chance
to tell you everything I thought about,
I wouldn't.
I fear you would hate me,
even though you probably already do.
However, if I had the chance
to tell you that I still think of you
on a daily basis,
I would.
I hope you think of me too,
even though you probably don't.