sugar plum
apple pie
an cherry pie
an blossoms of my heart
once upon a time
at christmas time
she is the sugar plum
of my heart.
an apple pie of my eye
on this christmas day
hear the song of song
sugar plum
sugar plum
don't break my heart
in two because i love you
true.
you my cream puff
of my heart .
an apple sauce
of my dream.
my little sugar plum
on this christmas day.
sugar plum
an gum drop
dream of heart
cherry pie what a delight.
on this christmas day.
she is my sugar plum
the apple of of my heart
my sugar plum
on this christmas day.
my sugar plum dream.

A SONG READ THREE TIME AN SING THAT A SONG
                                 THANK YOU DENNIS GUNSTEEN

when you leaned in to kiss me, I could’ve counted your eyelashes if I wanted,
and I started to.
but I was terrified.
so I scrambled backward and splashed the cup of pink lemonade I was holding in your face
and ran home tripping over my own bones,
slid all the books you recommended to me off the kitchen table
and made some instant noodles, burning myself on the stove and spilling cold water all over my toes.
I couldn’t find a fork, and almost cried and burst out laughing when I realized I hadn’t washed the dishes,
I’m sorry, love is the scariest thing.
but I couldn’t help but wish you were there to wipe off the soup from my face.

Your smile is the reason I get up every morning
Your smile is what keeps me going throughout the day
It's what let's me know you still care
It's that little Ray of sunshine I need on a gloomy day
The only thing that can bring me out of my dark place
Your smile is amazing

this is the part where I tell you that
on our first date, he set his table with candles to make it romantic and I thought it was,
but no. he tried
I knocked them into his flooding sink
I knew he hated romantics, and I wasn’t one.
he tried to hide it, but I saw his burned thumb

this is the part where I tell you
we played each other love songs and sang sugar pumpkin words
but we played on out-of-tune pianos in the practice rooms,
the ones with dusty white linoleum floors
because the cleaning lady was too lazy to walk up to the 6th floor every day;
the elevator was broken
broken love songs that neither of us would admit we meant.
maybe we didn’t know it ourselves
the wrong notes we hit were somehow grossly harmonic.

this is the part where I tell you that
he talked business and marketing with my father,
he made my mother laugh at ****** knock-knock jokes
he played catch with my little brother,
but he'd never do any of that.
he thought my mom was vain and my siblings were devil incarnations.

this is the part where I tell you
his handwriting was often indecipherable and I was the only who could read it,
but life’s not excessively beautiful
I hated his handwriting. I could never read it.
The n’s looked like h’s
and the a’s looked like o’s

this is the part where I tell you
he brought roses to my door just because it was Tuesday,
he snuck chocolates into my backpack
but he didn’t believe in gift-giving.

only one time, he showed up looking confused and
shameful,
he was holding a little toy train set
I'd played with them as a kid.
then, surprise! The box was filled with his sister's old Barbies
only half-dressed
like the ones I used to try and flush down the toilet,
I knew what he was trying to say
and slapped him upside the head,
*I love you too.

**** your life and your ways
Keep your hypocrisy
I’m tired of living this lie
It is ready to rupture inside of me
Ready to **** me from the inside, out, slowly
I’m in so deep it hurts
I want to lay here thriving and wailing on the floor
Until these feelings pass once more
I’d rather have my seizures and throw my angry fits
Than face what rejection that may lie ahead
I’ll keep my feelings to myself
I’m so in love…it hurts

Dear, __
This is a story I’ve been longing to write to you
A story of truth and heart break
Nearly a year I have been lying to you
And for nearly a year it has been eating at me
Gnawing at me from the inside out
Like a pack of wolves feasting on a hot summers day

Dear, __
I dare not reveal your true name
Lights flicker around me in anger
As I still suppress my feelings and anguish
I keep quiet to prevent drama and demise
I keep quiet so I won’t hurt you
I keep quiet, I keep quiet
But this monster longs to break free

Dear, __
I’ll keep this empty space for you
And many others will try to fill it
Feeling their name meets protocol
Just because the space is bigger than your name
Doesn’t mean it is where they belong

Dear, __
I would breathe the air you breathe
Give you my breath if you asked
Gauze you wounds and stay with you till you’re better
In sickness and in health, I would not leave your side
Give you my pulse, my heart, my being

Dear, __
I am still looking for a way to tell you

it was right in front of me, the entire time.
it’s the end of the world now. at least before, I didn’t have you.
get ready for the bricks to rain down, we’ll run down the streets
and dodge the falling plaster with shredded eyes.

Some **** weird weather we get around here.

Could I have known you would have been perfect?
I didn’t ******* know.
And now, I’m trapped in your arms,
under this heavy sky.

it’s  a sad thing really, that you think my name is pretty,
that you think it’s cute that I hate ******-doo,
that you care when I cry about spilling soda on the carpet because life is just too hard.
that you like my refrigerator magnets so much.

I can’t do anything anymore, you’ve found my weakness for
sour gummies and tater tots, you ***.
I can’t do anything anymore, except give in.
hello.