create clouds
out of pebbles
hang myself to dry
on a silver lining

return to pasts
dwell
in their long lost shadows

move myself with it
as it shifts
with the sun

in my garden
linger on the scent
from my newly planted
reminisces

i dreamt of you tonight

you were getting married
we were invited
all your friends

and i felt happy for you
after all
it made me calm
seeing your bliss

still
when greeting us
you wouldn't meet my eyes

was it pity you felt?

because despite it all
now
i was history
and you were finally beginning your
future

i can't believe we're talking about
not being us

everyone i ever met
wanted something out of me

you're the only one who loved me more

no love that made you want to
hurt me
control me
own me

you simply loved me
sincere

what will we be apart?

sometimes
i long to be her
the one you used to touch

we never
found eachother
despite our desperate dreams

we never
got eachother
(understood or to keep)

but sometimes
i want to be there
seventeen again

driven crazy by your gaze
wondering about your silence
analysing your texts

your lips on my shoulder
falling fifteen stores
by your touch
swept off my feet

but never
never
figuring eachother out

i never did
get (to) you

if you erased all words
cleaned the paper
blank again  

would the feelings
still breathe
in the paper

you know like secrets do
in air  
between the meaningfull gaze
of two close friends

so is that why
i reach this pit
of sorrow
pitch black

do my body grieve

not this time again
let go of life
one more time

and so my body will
bleed
with sorrow
for what could have been

one deep sigh
before letting go

is this what i feel
every month
before my period

that might
put some sense
to this
heavy, meaningless
darkness

rewrite the story
change every word
disguise it behind
new meanings
squeeze it out of context

what lingers

it is all too vast
is it all too vast

turn the sentences
around
can you hear the origins
beating below
a brand new sound

do you feel the smoke
from wet ink
a different form
the feelings
still breathing
in a new poem