all I need to hear from you is that

you're sorry for ******* this up
sorry for making this
so unbearable for me
sorry for stepping on me
on my last attempt
up

won't you just tell me that

you forgive me for not always
giving you my all
but tell me that you know I did my best
at many times
and that you're sorry
you didn't

all I want from you is an apology for

showing me no respect
or heed
chrushing my last shred of
self-respect
and then leaving me
for her

all I want

is a sign of
soul
in you

won't you just
care
for me

now when we lost
everything else

I guess there's a million ways
to make it alright

a million reasons
to win this fight

but I cant wake up
and I cant begin

I cant even get your words
to sink in

somehow its easier
to place you in categories

ignore your names
your eyes, your storys

you're too angry
and show no respect

there's even something wrong
with beeing too perfect

I do this
so that we cant part

because it simply cant end
if I wont give it a start

Write to me ****. Talk to me instead of the air above me. (Even though I am shorter) Maybe I should write myself. Or move on. But I wrote before and I can't change the latter.

Same class
junior high

you were placed beside me
making me nervous
I remember

but in time
you were my warmth
when things were growing colder

before that
they tried to match us up
she never told the whole story
and we didn’t fall

I want to blame her for it all
but you were searching for perfect
so I reversed

in comment for us both
is that she hurt us terrible
but we ignore that

she doesn’t affect us at all anymore
right?

but she does
and I hate having that
binding us together

it always drifted us apart

the last months
in junior high
and I allowed everyone
but myself
to make my choices

a diamond in your eyes
only for the others voices
for you I always was a dream
for someone else

a beautiful image

we weren’t so beautiful
at all
aboard
at hand

now
I want to remember you
the way we were
when we were both still dreaming

before colliding
turning friendship
into hazard love

and maybe one day
I will be back
outside your door
hanging around
ignoring your noes

sometimes you came
sometimes you didn't

we never cared
you were my friend
it was easy
we didn’t worry about
the end

I still wonder what your
truth is
for all of this

who would have thought
back then
that we would
share it all
and tear it all apart

I find the key
Trick the door open
Ride the tiny elevator up to the third floor
Unlock your door

Everywhere is signs of you
Feelings of ease

I water your plants
Make sure they're happy
Return your hair dryer on your kitchen table

Look around
Sigh

Walk out
Turn the key
Feel the handle
Make sure it's locked

Elevator down
Ground floor
Walk on out

Back again on Wednesday

12.05 and you're back

I don't know how to be me
around you  
I know nothing  
but to fall again
sooner or later

and it frightens me
the way your rain always linger in

so I hear myself out
convince myself that somehow
this time
my no will be enough

But,
16.25 and still
I have no waterproof reply

I can't write out the silence. The absence of your breath. You never made it. Who wants to be, honestly. In the middle of it.
Isn't life supposed to be more than this.