It was just that one day and every day following that I wished more than ever that he was real. Where the **** was he? Sure, I didn’t expect him to crawl down from the building next to us the second I saw the knife, but it was definitely within the “This isn’t happening” part in my head, as I was dragged into the garage and pushed up against the brick wall, that I think he could have managed to creep up and punch that guy in the face. And the stomach, or throw him into the black truck that I was next to. Why wasn’t he showing up? Everybody gets one, right? Why wasn’t this mine? Why did he always show up for Mary Jane? Everybody got one I thought. Even after it was over and the fear was gone and the shock flared through my body, charging me almost to the point of vomiting, I still wanted him there. I've never been so ******* disappointed.

There’s a tapeworm inside me
I’ve tried to get it out for years
everything I put in, it eats up

I tried to drown it with *****
and tire it with no sleep
and cut it out with another’s love

But I’ve realized it will never leave
because once you get your first tapeworm
it stays with you

So I’ve befriended it;
when it’s hungry, I feed him,
when it’s sad, I rock his sorrows in my warm belly

Maybe someday it will leave
but I fear that day
I’ll just begin
growing another inside me

suckin’ down cancer

thinking about thoughts

being drunk
and sad

always so secretly sad

I Fell In Love With A Lie.
I Will Admit That Now.

Bravely
And Boldly
I Will

Step Out Into the unknown.

I Will
Push Hard
Enough To Break
My ******* Spine

I Fell In Love With A Lie.
I Won’t Continue To Fall.

pinning wine bags to the walls
another pair of puckered lips waking me up at 4am
coming home to *****'s dry pint
surrounded by pieces of my soul embodied
arms that go numb under half a night's sleep
bodies that move into each other,
unaware of boundaries
british accents, slapping and fapping
kissing secretly by a coffee ***
a dark room with that wonderful young sting
and grit of alcohol
on top of alcohol
on top of lemonade
legs kicking up, world upside-down
the consistency of blurred laughs, real laughs
the feeling of a girl or a boy
the warmth of being on someone's mind
this is happiness
this is what i've looked for
last year, summer, for a long time

You’re A Cool Girl
but there is a point
this weird point where i have feelings
i've been used and walked on
i can usually expect it

after your hand on the bottom of my soft-hole sweater
above my tailbone
your winking eyes
feeling like a princess (that i've never been)
you pulled my chair out
we had *****
in the dark

you pushed me over and kissed my mouth
I Love That You Exist*
and then you left
without a third thought

The way you look at me always ropes me back in
I try to stand on the other side
Avoiding your deep eyes
but regardless of how much I push
you pull
and i'm next to you
on the couch, on the armchair
I can see you watching me
yeah, I saw it all night
It's like there was no time lost
I feel like I'm 19
I realize I miss you
Your long lips, thumb following their lead
I thought I would die
Waiting to feel it all again
But I haven't died
and the chance never came
and I wait for a hard push
Against panels on the side of a house
For my legs to curl
as I'm lifted up
and we are secretly in love again
For a few drunken kisses