Thunderous explosions destroying
    Every thought that once existed with purpose

Apple bottom *******
I take time for snitches

Stitches for fourth degree burns
I’ll meet you in the ditches

The trenches
The sneakers

The benches
For tweakers

Let’s be family on the further side
Of normal

Let’s be ******* on the closer side
Of formal

I rhyme when it comes to me
I shine when she **** to me

I read another's poem
And lost the one I was to write.

I have no clue
What I'm doing right now.

I skipped some passion
There was a moment when words pulsed
Through my veins
And instead of letting the blood flow from my finger tips
I pent it up
Instead of penning it out

Girl, you're crazy

So, it's late
I'm late to class
The funeral's started
And my ship's just set sail
And as the wave get choppier
I realize that I'll never get there
No use fighting the ocean, right?
Divine intervention

I have no time to give
And no hour worthwhile
And every minute is a breath
Every second is nice touch

There's candlelit dinners awaiting
in the silence of drawn curtains and misery
Someone asked me to build God

No one asked me anything

Mix little lies and lots of truth
Call it a serum for relations

She says the truth is so dark
I think of pitch blackness

Have I mentioned I find comfort in the blackness of night?
Get that anonymity

Swallow to let it hurt you
Spit it out to let me know
I swear I'm ready to understand,
You just need to let me.

My senses once again fail me
In this wooded place

My eyesight left long ago,
Leaving me to fall on my face

My sense of smell quickly left the building,
Though the flora produced such sweet scents

My hearing went soon after,
Allowing me to sit, and lament

My sense of taste followed suit,
I tried to eat some blackberry's but flavor they lacked

Not long after that,
My sense of feeling came and went,
The rain was feeling oh so soothing

Now I am senseless,
But that's what I get for singly
Coming to this place.

I would have to say
By far the worst part
Is I still can't look at your face
Without feeling hurt.

I could still take a bullet for you
But I cannot linger around you any longer.

Is that what forgiveness is?

I refuse to stop now,
See I'm only just beginning

Veil over the collective
Eye(s)
Let's move from spiritualism
Pentagrams and upside down crosses
Illuminati to satanism

Let's put it in modern music,
We're gonna die young

Let's lose ourselves in lust
In sweat
In pagan ritualism
Let's go for shock value
Over the normal cynicism

Let's drink ourselves to death
And ****** into life

I can't believe
This is modern music.

I never stated this would be easy
You knew that coming in.
I guess, so did I,
But that never stopped me, did it?

We had a couple of close calls, didn't we?
Some scares of raising children,
Roles changing
Split-second life changes

Pleasure guided me,
I'm assuming you fell victim too
You never told me to cover up
We hid behind pills

Too many nights, with too many
Hands doing too many things
I allowed you to cover me,
As you allowed me inside of you
Cold sweat, but hot bodies
Intertwined
Pushing towards
Pulling Away

Rhythms

Silence was often the name of the game
But the nights where silence was an unknown
Were the best nights
I'm sure you agree

There are days where I really regret what we did
I stare at the sky, wondering, if you stare at it too,
If you think the same thing.

I've blown the train conductor's...

Mind

With a long, hard...

Fact

Regarding wet, soaked...

*******

Owners leave unshaved, outside,
With collars, of course.

I try to find myself in a bottle
It isn't working

I used to consider myself a part
of a bigger picture
I don't think that's how I
would define myself now

It hurts
Hearse rides
A journey to someplace greater
That's what I believe
It's what I've been told...
Or is it the other way
Around
Around
Around

Circles spinning
Clockwise
Counterclockwise
Pillar in the middle
Isn't nature beautiful?

Mr. O'Leary spoke to the wooden spoon
I don't quite remember what he said
But he looked at me with queer eyes
And never spoke again

I remember that day vividly
As the cat fell atop my forehead
And the sky turned gray
As no one danced, that day
And something fell into my vat

A child, a child!
Made of potatoes and rye
Fell into a vat, and like a child, did cry

I flipped the bird's nest
And broke the camel
To save that child's face

But nothing, alas nothing could this day, erase.

There's a lot in my mind,
And a ton on my heart
There's so much fear
A lot more anger
Quite a bit of resentment
And a good amount of frustration

I'm sitting at a crossroads

I don't remember what road I took to get here

And there are 4+ roads that I could travel down
I have no clue where to go
And even worse... I think I'm chasing away anyone who can help

Speak in words
Speak in language
Speak by body
Speak my language

There are no penalties here
Avoid the box
I want something real

Understand?
Do you really?
Now’s the time,
I’ll allow you to speak freely.

Time’s up, dear.
Now let’s speak in scenes
Whips and chains excite me
You know what I mean

We’re talking dark things
Blame it on literature

Did I hurt you pumpkin?
I swear I didn’t mean it
We’re acting now
Wear the fake appearance

We got the stage
We’ve got the set
The clothes
And the tools

I’ve got no way to end this
We are the folly of fools

"That's the great thing
  about poetry,"
         she said with a smile

Jagged edges on straight laced papers
Isn't it funny how we leave our marks?
Students with graphite or blue, possibly black, ink
Creation
Thoughts on paper
Words into sentences
Sentences into paragraphs
Paragraphs into papers
Papers into wood
Wood into trees
Trees into seeds
Seeds into the hands of the farmers
Sending their loved ones off to learn
To leave their mark
Starting with graphite or blue, possibly blank, ink

I don't feel like weaving you a story in words
I don't feel like writing
I don't want to give you poetry to chew on
I don't want to feed you
I don't know what I'm doing now
I don't know what I'm saying
All I know is I'm not writing now
All I know is I'm not staying.

Like an army in my mind
I hear the pulse of 1000 soldiers' footsteps
Ringing in my ears
Horns screeching across pavement lines
As fools of importance show that they are
the ones with the bigger ego

Shaking away everything
that demands my attention
I tire of this
I am so very tired.

Echoes of actions
Linger longer
Than half-assed wordplay
and roses

I just sent an email to my Mom.
Part of me feels it
Part of me wonders if I'm overdramatic

I feel like ****.
Like, I feel different than when I felt depressed
But this is still not a place I want to be

Consistent
Draining
I never feel ok anymore.
I'm not even sure what ok feels like.

I keep wanting to drink for all the wrong reasons
I never get drunk
But I always want to reach that happy nirvana
That "tipsy enough to forget all your worries" place
There's something seriously wrong with me

I haven't actually talked to my family in AZ for over a month
I schedule skype dates with a woman I'll probably never see again
More than I do with my own father.
What type of **** is that?

I looked at ****, I ****** myself today.
I feel like the biggest ******* this planet has seen.

I also lack self forgiveness.

I got an email back from a priest today.
I told him I'd be interested in joining the priesthood
I realized I might have been lying,
But honestly,
I don't even know!
I feel like I'm sitting on my thumb,
Trying to figure out the world as it
Races by me,
Unwilling to stop and allow me to catch my breath
Or read the signs or understand a **** shred of anything

This is what I'm talking about
Part of me feels this,
And the other part just scoffs, and says I'm melodramatic
Pick yourself up
Dust yourself off and figure out
what the hell you're doing

I feel so alone anymore.
Like, if there's not someone by my side
I somehow lack basic humanity.
Like I need someone to be there
If they aren't, I'm obviously not worth much

I closed the blinds four different times today.
I didn't want the neighbors to see my actions.
After a certain point, I closed them to watch a movie
And I haven't opened them back up,
even though
it would probably cheer me up a great deal

This is probably one of the longest "poems"
I've ever written.
It's not poetry, it's freestyle
Not like it matters,
It's like an art major defining the different strokes that an artist used in a painting
Like I give a ****
It's still a painting

Lent is one of the hardest times of the year.
I feel it with every fiber of my being.
Nothing about this situation makes me feel ok.
I feel out of body, out of mind, out of soul.
I'm pretty sure, at this point, St. Peter wouldn't let me in.
In my heart of hearts I want it desperately, but
The rest of me still says no.

I'm so messed up it's ridiculous.
And I sent an email to my mom chronicling her son's failures
Her son's issues,
And why,
Her son
Needs to go back to a counselor
Because I'll be ****** if he's not "fixed" yet.

Simple meanings in abated days
Tainted tones in patient abnormality
I refuse to elaborate to the adorate
So hope for better prose

My skin has turned desert
Death comes when the oil's burned down
Slaughtered the fattened calf
Only to drown in the oil drum

Bear with me
      Bear with me
This is all I have left
I'm so close to the breaking point
Like a man pulled by horses
I feel my tendons tearing
                               my eyes tearing

I am drowned desert
       Emotion, my life
              My death

21-year-old sensibilities
If it only came with sense.

Like that novel you may have read
in high school
You know the one:
Pride and Prejudice

Is this making any sense, yet?
Good, I hope not

My goal, in reality
is not to short change you,
the reader
I know you're there.

I could lie of blissful ignorance
Like cows in pasture
Chewing grass
and filling my own stomach(s)

Water reflections
Tasty confections
In the form of words
or embodiment in the soul

I could eat you up.

I'm a robot from the future
Laser eyes
Cyber-**** the tyrannosaur

The worst thing is more what I'm coming to
Frogger onto an oncoming bus grill

Watch my innards explodinate.

I work to grab you
I grab to work you
Winkie-face emoticon, except,
y'know IRL.

God's calling recently.
I'm struggling to pick up the phone.

Only place to put my hope in is Him.
Why can't I pick up the receiver?

I could lie about my day
I could bury all my feelings in you
I could leave everything at the door
But then I wouldn't be breathing
anymore

Hangman's noose just ain't funny like it used to be
[as if it ever was]

Reminiscent echoes in my mind
Like high heels down a hallway
Like high feels down the mid section
Like thigh feels on a late night session

There ain't nothing wrong with a little foreplay
Lone way

I feel the best in company
Instead, I'll sit in the dark for a few hours
Some of these lines rhyme with outside influences
If only I could **** out my problems
If only I could drink out my pores

If only I could talk about
Or be comforted by biblical verses

Every time I remember God can see what's in my heart
I nearly break down.

I have 116 poems to read
And even fewer cares to give
I'm thinking less than 10
But greater than 9

In a sense, this is to say I'm sorry
I'll probably never read you
Don't take this the wrong way
I hardly remember to get on to write.
Maybe someday, when everything chills down
I'll be able to spend my day burning a cigar
Drinking in all your beautiful words,
Your wonderful idiosyncrasies
And every little feeling you leave behind with every single letter you type

But listen, as of now,
I'm swamped
Life is coming at me from all sides,
and if I weren't to make an excuse: I just don't give it enough time.
Take this community, and love me?
Actually do what you want, I'm not your boss.
Just know that I'm sorry for not paying attention
You're not a red-headed step-child
You're the family that lives far away
I don't call them either.

I want to write poetry
All I get is words.

Let’s be ghosts together

Wavering between the physical
And the spiritual

Resonances of what we once were

Not to give any less credit to what we
Were

But ghosts

We could be that
Together

Forever

Not even death will
Do us part

**** your unbecoming

Rant Like a child
Saying things far less mild

Feeding Soliloquy
Deep within the WillowTree
Keeping the third-eye satiated

Blackened remorse as we follow the course
Of the mare, riding into oblivion
Set with the setting sun
Break with the wind
Somber up immortality
Lessened by your falsities

We all believe in something
But it doesn't mean we're right
We all believe in something
I'm sure we'll learn to fight

"Blessed are the ignorant,"
Is a line I'll never say
For "ignorance is bliss"
Is a lie so far away

I realized, in Christian thought
If I prayed as much as I wrote
As much as I swore

If I read the Bible
As much as I make innuendos
Fake inappropriate with friends

If I spoke to God
As much as I speak to friends
As much as I spend time on the internet
As much as I listened to music
As much as I filled up every moment with noise...

I'd be a saint.

But I'm not.
I don't pursue.
I don't wake up saying,
"Lord Jesus, help me help others.
Help me be a better man."

Sure there are weeks
Then there are weaks

I'm left clutching a beer
Glass of ***
*****
Shots of Tequila

Wishing I was a better man.
Hoping I can be a better man.
Yet, when push comes to shove,
I do nothing.

I love You Father.

There was a small strand of sympathy
when he let go; however,
in order to do so, he knew what had to be done.

He cut all ties,
for himself, for preservation.

He's better, one could suppose,
but one dealt-with situation opens
the door to so many more.
You'd think he'd learn that by now,
wouldn't you?

Let us face it,
We are all terrified of this

Humility comes with self-loathing
You don't want to walk in my shoes

Let's beat the messenger
Until he or she is black and blue

Equal rights means equal fights
Said the Quarter to the Spoon
Set the heat to highest degree
And I'm sure you'll be here soon

Whistling like the wind through canyons
These men on bars ought do
Fine women, fine dining
Are not in-line for you

Staring at a plate
Far too full for my hunger
Go away, you glutted fool
I desire you, no longer

A lover's kiss,
A gentle touch
Things I do not feel
Unknowing
Confused thoughts
Are things that are too real.