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 May 2014 M
M
cinematography
 May 2014 M
M
how would I film us together?
without making it sappy, ridiculous
because you hate that,
I would make it honest.
I would film
you alone
me alone
a shot of you falling off the bars at track
and me almost catching you
then a shot of us laughing in the car
a shot of me taking your ball
a shot of slapping your ****
a shot of laughing again
a shot of us cuddling together and falling asleep on the couch
a shot of you mumbling into your pillow about our hearts
a shot of you showing me the song
a shot of me learning to play it for you
a shot of it going all wrong
a shot of us dancing together
a shot of me glancing towards you
a shot of us dancing with other people
a shot of your face forlorn
a shot of me breaking my expression
a shot of me dancing alone
a shot of you alone
a shot of me playing the song
someone trying to sing along
and me putting up the ukelele.
 May 2014 M
M
this is kinda personal
 May 2014 M
M
someone asked me what my type of guy was
and I pictured, first, nerdy guys, with big glasses and messed up hair who are tall and gangly
then I pictured pixie-cut girls who are small and cute and elfin
then I saw girls in flowy skirts whose shoulders look narrow enough to fold in on themselves
then I saw hippie men with long curly hair and a love that is languid and enveloping in nature
I saw surfers, writers, musicians, not artists, no preppy boys
I saw people in black and white and I saw the change of color in your eyes
I saw people playing guitar and yelling at the top of their lungs
I saw us in a sunny beat-up car with the windows down
I saw people who'd hold my hand and then grab my ***
I saw people whose minds arched to the heavens and then somehow back to me
I saw someone on my level, an equal match, the completion of the circle
a radio signal that had a bit of static before it was united
eyes that focus and hearts that ignite
just emotional enough to deal with me
and not emotional enough to let me stay stagnant
I saw someone who would push me, break me, teach me
and I'd be pushing, breaking, and teaching right back
and we'd always be with other people
and moving constantly, improving ourselves
because we'd have independent lives and wouldn't need constant affirmation
however
we really wouldn't be complete
or completely satisfied
without each other
and our souls
would have a bungee cord
elastic
stretched between us.
 May 2014 M
M
you keep looking at me
and it's slightly murderous
dark, like you want to twist my arms off
and there's something untraceable in the looks
anger, maybe,
a swirling tornado of mixed emotions,
longing? hate? 'glad I'm done with you'?
fascination? interest? mystery? dislike?
'I finally found out what was happening'?
whatever it is, it's not love
it's not pleasant
doesn't make me feel very good
but,
I am almost relieved, selfishly,
because my eyes have been watching you for months
and you've finally started looking at me back.
 May 2014 M
M
right and wrong
 May 2014 M
M
everybody wants to be right absolutely
but I, I am always wrong
and always right
so are you.
liberating, isn't it?
now all that's left is for us to understand each other.
 May 2014 M
M
smoking
 May 2014 M
M
that's it again
the artistry of the curling hell
the mark of what was destroyed
and for some reason used as a metaphor for life
I look in the mirror and I see long, lean, noble
like a greek god, or goddess, someone gender ambiguous
with hair framing my face and jawlines ever reaching up
my body is beautiful and I shouldn't destroy it
I celebrate myself, and sing myself,
like whitman,
there is this strange dark attraction to
standing somewhere leaning against the wall
with my hood up as I watch the stars become clouded
and that warm friendly scent fills my clothes where no one wants to go
it's like a forest, a forest of embraces and thistles
something tragic and suave and slenderly beautiful
the workers in the yard light up daily
just like my sister when she's hanging out
always happy
or my grandfather on his patio with the parrot on his shoulder.
he lets her drink coffee sometimes,
and lets me drink in the air of his breath mingled with ash always.
I am the rolled tobacco, just ready to be lit, inhaled, and blown away
flammable, quick to go,
filtered, my body a slim cylinder,
the heat at the end catching the eye of children
I want to be united with that which I personify,
unhealthy, but **** cool looking.
It wouldn't surprise anyone-
where there's smoke, there's fire, they say;
maybe that's why I've always wanted a cigarette.
buy me a pack and I'll love you forever
 May 2014 M
M
prophet
 May 2014 M
M
I am king,
I am mother,
I am unrequited lover,
I am hopeful,
I am vain,
just a child lost in pain,
I am proud, broke, confused
never touched a real life dude,
kissed a couple, broken laws
wiped off my ***** paws
despite your warnings and your threats
I took the knee, did not repress
what you thought I ought to
I am daughter,
I am son,
I am the unforgotten one,
I am weak but never torn
I stayed awake just for the morn'
I've slain dragons
I've breathed fire
I've earned her blessed long desire
I'm the soul
long-forgotten spark
I am the light
I'll lead you from the dark.
 May 2014 M
M
Stain
 May 2014 M
M
I've been telling myself no
I'm trying not to write poems about you
Mostly, they're on other topics.
That's cool.
But buried beneath them, in the fibers of the words,
is something that cannot be destroyed
a stain I can't ******* wash out of my shirt
I tell myself the poems aren't about you
but that's *******.
They are all about you.
Every
single
one of them.
 May 2014 M
M
My heart
 May 2014 M
M
my heart craves something
anything.
lightning, love, hate, fire...
CLEAR!
jolt me, please,
electrify my veins, I've been still way too long-
CLEAR!
the last one like cholesterol
stopping the beats and starving me of oxygen
I don't want something to clog me again-
CLEAR!
I want fresh, free-flowing blood-
CLEAR!
I'll kiss anyone if it just
starts my heart again.
Please, God, start my heart again-
CLEAR!
"oh, well... looks like it's over."
"time of death?"
 May 2014 M
M
"I want you to meet the guy I'm dating
He's trans- don't tell mom and dad"
Well, *******.
you plan to introduce him to a man who won't call him a him
Or respect his wishes
who will behave rudely unnecessarily
and a woman who will instinctively think there is something wrong
with his personality
that he can't 'just be satisfied with what he was born with'
and will think there's something wrong, abnormal, weird, gross
I hope he's a good guy
and I hope my parents grow a couple more tolerant bones
Before they meet him
because I'm scared for you and him
and I hope it'll be alright.
 Apr 2014 M
M
my soul's name is John
 Apr 2014 M
M
you might(ormightnot) Be
asking what Is
the-sweetest-of
the berriestraw but

I tell
you
that

the sweetest is
theoneiamtasting
because i(t)
is

theoneiamtasting
and when

will you(they) realize
that
what i(you) wan
t things to Be
is what they are

and while i(you) hate the word
just/or/only-
wetogether ****
all that is just/or/only
within i(you)/i(you)!

but since is
all that is
everything is
just is
or only-
we have killed
alleverything
and are left with just/or/only death
as our
Companion.

our fragile lang
uage
taught us
everything is just/or/only
nothing
and if Fault is fault
and Sin is sin
then

it is our fault
it is God's fault too

o-u-r
G-o-d
in this, the frailgilist
of lang
uages
even the spelling of the you(i)
does not
determine(butitdoes)
what it really

Is.
after the style of e e cummings
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