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 Dec 2013 Lyz Elysian
Lizzy
Empty
 Dec 2013 Lyz Elysian
Lizzy
The only thing I feel nowadays
Is empty
The last butterfly in my stomach
Flew away
Or died
Either way they're gone
I no longer feel
The blade going across my arms

The sharp pain
Followed by a burning sensation
I guess 'empty' is better than
Depressed
Suicidal
Hopeless
Alone
Worthless
Tired
And scared
But it sure as hell Isn't better than
Happy
 Dec 2013 Lyz Elysian
Lizzy
I love you
I know I do
But I can't feel it
The numbness has reached my heart
No matter how hard I try
No feelings break free
They're lost somewhere
In the darkness

I don't know how else to put it
I don't have words to explain
It's just these chemical imbalances
I hope you'll understand
I love you
I really do
I just can't always find it
 Dec 2013 Lyz Elysian
Lizzy
The snow can only be seen
Through a small window
Behind a cage-like grate
Put there for "safety"
As if someone could make it through
That thick glass
 Dec 2013 Lyz Elysian
Lizzy
The girl curled up in her chair
Scribbling away in her purple notebook
3/4 of the paper filled
Scars deeper than I though possible
Neatly lined up her arm

The youngest kid
Destined for paleontology
Sits in the back playing solitaire and fusball
His reading of being here
Completely unknown

Her high bun in her blonde hair
Match perfectly
With her soft-spoken tone
A complete shock
To learn of her purging past

The average girl
Moved here from New Jersey
Her foot tapping anxiously
Due to her parents misunderstandings
And from all of the Tylenol she swallowed

Her hand aimlessly writes
Pages and pages written
To her boyfriend of who-knows-how-long
Who supports her
And does t care about the scars

She sleeps all day
Except for when the therapists torment her
Trying anything
To get her to eat
Or even say a single word

The oldest one here
To everyone, her happiness seems more than just a bluff
But she's here for a reason
Clearly, her rocket scientist dream
Hasn't worked out yet

He was out in two days
His feelings more if a passing thought
For his puns
And love for horror
Prove his happiness

I sit and listen, alone
My suicidal-ness a shock to most
Still misunderstood
I can't wrap my head around it
I just.
Want.
Out.
Being stuck in the hospital for five days, I've written a lot of poetry. Here comes a wave of sad hospital poems
 Dec 2013 Lyz Elysian
Tabitha
Dancing around in the rain,
The kids on the street chasing each other in their trench coats,
Puddle splashed by that bus stop,
Drenched from bottom to top,
I went to that one milkshake place,
To see how my childhood was once like,
So I took my old rusty bike,
Along the shoreline and past that corner shop,
I stood there for a moment and remembered as I said "this is where I once ran away from the cops"
Rubbing the back of my neck as I said "the place where most of my time was spent"
Where me and my buddies once went,
Engraved into the third table from the cash register that read:
Time passes,
Memories fade,
Feelings change,
but hearts never forget.

Looking at the raindrops on the window as I sit on a white leather seat,
Where my buddy Joey said "Dig in boys! EAT!!"
Chow down those pancakes as fast as a vacuum,
For breakfast, before going to school and into our classroom,
And rush back the days I miss and the childhood years that I now cherish,
Soon enough those days will be remembered when I will perish.
Timothy Baxter: An intellectual genius with the emotional intelligence of a five year old
so thank you for these closed lips
and thank you for the impeccable hair line
thank you for the one too many thoughts keeping me up at 4 AM
thank you for my 5'7 stature
and thanks for all the self-loathing
thanks for the rent
and thanks for making me love hating responsibility
thank you

Mary Hartley Baxter: not one who came from white picket fences and Sunday drives. A giver. A lover. A control freak
Thank you for these psyche wrecking nerves
the bowling ball taking up permanent residence in the pit of my stomach
Thank you for teaching me how to treat women
and thank you for the stubbornness which allows this arrogance
thank you for keeping my feet attached to planet earth
while my head sails among the billowing clouds
for telling me how handsome I am
thank you for teaching me what it means to be in a family
thank you for letting me be a loser sometimes
thank you

Harry J Baxter: the heroic coward with a funny joke in bad taste and the right words for the wrong times
anti hero of a story nobody else is aware of
thank you for abusing all those pesky substances, they surely deserved it
thank you for the black lungs
thank you for speeding down dead end lane at five hundred miles an hour
thank you for remembering your helmet
thank you for saving all the words we never said to those we love
thank you for hiding from the unknown to avoid the scars of failure
thank you for getting those scars anyway
just so we knew what they felt like
thank you for the writer's block.... You *******
but in all seriousness,
thank you for building up your tolerance to beatings
because they will continue until morale improves
thank you

It's a strange place - the real world - monsters lay in wait in every shadow around every corner
and yeah, you aren't the human being 2.0
but you're prepared enough to board up the windows before the hurricane
and Mum, Dad,
I can talk all the **** in the world
but all of it would be empty
because for as ****** up as I am
as ****** up as you both certainly are
we've made it this far
and ******* it
I can't see our sun setting anytime soon
so my naturally adapted cynical sarcasm behind me
Thank you for loving me no matter what
even when the well was so dry love was hard to find
Thank you.
 Dec 2013 Lyz Elysian
Mike Hauser
early 50's
don't mean maybe
here i come
slap the baby
hear me screaming
now i'm breathing
the proud parents
really beaming
mid december
it is chilly
named me mike
instead of billy
adolescence
before you know it
kind of shy
don't you blow it
moved away
because of dad
left behind
friends i had
teenage years
finally settled
florida
from seattle
culture shock
plus the weather
all i had
sonic sweaters
took no time
skin to leather
from the color
alabaster
here's the years
i discovered
full time friends
part time lovers
a few times
things got drastic
drank to much
acted spastic
laid around
worked on fattening
mom and dad
were not laughing
as they begged
on their knees
find a job
so you can leave
i joined in
the military
with no war
not too scary
found a girl
we got married
had some kids
now it's scary
lost my job
lost my dime
standing in
unemployment lines
found a job
things are fine
moving to
the prime of life
with the kids
still at home
things are moving
right along
from the left
to the right
that's the story
of my life
Dimples on her face,
Walking long miles without her,
Pebble in my shoe.
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