BOING!
The harder the landing
the higher the bounce.
Up here all is clear
A transparent perspective
Wish I could levitate in this space.
WOOSH.
Here I plunge again.
Grasping for anything to hold me
To stop my fall.
THUD.
****.
I expected to bounce.
Walking around the gutter
looking for light in the dark
I am disoriented.
Lost in space.
I'll just have to find a new
height to scale to get outta this place.
Next time I'm up there
I'll hail cab to Cloud Nine
And ride around for awhile
checking out the scenery.
With some old school funk pulsing
from the speakers.
*pump pump pump

No click in my heels
No swagger in my step
No light in my eye
No life in my breath

Empty as empty
A hole filled with nothing
So much nothing
Has got to be something

No wine in my glass
No smoke in my bowl
No needle in my vein
No pills to swallow

Empty as empty
A hole filled with nothing
So much nothing
Has got to be something

No story on the screen
No music in the speakers
No freshness in my sheets
No blinking from my blinker

Empty as empty
A hole filled with nothing
So much nothing
Has got to be something

No words on the page
No mess on the floor
No meal in the oven
No muse......no ******

Empty as empty
A hole filled with nothing
So much nothing
Has got to be something

No truth in my smile
No silver lining on the cloud
No joy in my spirit
No peace for my brow

Empty as empty
A hole filled with nothing
So much nothing
Has got to be something

Yet the emptier I get
The deeper I feel
A large open space
Truth is revealed

Empty as empty
A hole filled with nothing
So much nothing
Has got to be something

Life is good
Life is swell
Looking at you
from the bottom of my well

You say relax, sit back and smile
I say I would if I didn't have to shovel this pile

Razor blades outside my skin
repel your love cutting me within

My tortured mind takes over reason
I try to hold on white knuckling the season

I didn't invite this darkness to enter
It barges on in, knocking me off of my center
I pull from my bag of miraculous tricks
Meditation, Deep Breathing, but nothing sticks

The hardest part is what this does to you and me
I cry I'm sorry Babe, here is my apology

I'm awful to be around, to talk to, to love
I pray for your patience
and strength from above

I've lost the real me it seems to be
My sadness and nerves are my identity

I know I'm still here, plugging along
Playing Mommy, cleaning house, but without any song

Please reach closer when I push you away
Not easy I know, especially some days
Your love and tenderness ground me to home
You by my side shows me I'm not alone

Scrunched in my darkness
Squinting for light
Reach your hand out to me; say "It'll be alright"

My distance is really a huge shield of shame
I hate myself, loathe myself and take all the blame

This is not really me; messed up thoughts inside
I want to purge it all leaving my heart open wide

I love you, I need you, I want you near
It's so hard to ask you to wipe up my tears

*Today's reality, skewed and blue
Tomorrow may bring sunshine
And Me back to You.

Oh, it's you again
I had hoped I wouldn't see you for awhile
Like maybe you lost my address and couldn't find me at all.
But it's you....
I recognize you by the tears streaming
Down my face
By the heaviness in my heart.
I know it's you again
Because suddenly I'm crippled on the floor
With broken legs and broken wings.
I see that it's you again
By the way you confiscate my enjoyment of music, art and laughter.
I feel your presence
by my inability to do simple tasks without dread.
It's you again because breathing, talking, sleeping feel forced.

I didn't invite you back.

In fact I've told you that you aren't welcome here anymore.
I've screamed "GET OUT!"
Yet you have the nerve to show up again.
You are not going to win.
Let me say that again.
You WILL NOT WIN.
You lie to me that spirit has left.
You manipulate my thoughts with poison.
You coerce me into believing you are stronger than me....
Stronger than the divine.
I do not associate with liars
Therefore I will not acknowledge your presence.
Now, kindly walk out the door of my psyche
So that the divine may settle in with my soul.