My dear,
You will never know the sheer magnitude of what I feel for you -
my human body is limited to only expressing a fraction of it.

We exist in a time between past and present, between present and future.
In a place in between galaxies and celestial planets.
This is the only explanation to our cosmic, eternal, titanic love;
we exist in between sleep and dreams.

Our souls are intertwined, my heart recognizes you.
How is that so?
You have held my heart since the beginning of time - perhaps you were part of it.

I have a theory: our souls scorched each other and left imprints when the stars collided. I have burned myself into you and you have done the same. This was a time before time, a life before life.

We are beings bigger than human life, what I feel for you proves this to be true.
And we will continue to exist long after our bodies have decayed into the ground, long after our names have been spoken on our friends' lips for the last time.

Our love will remain long after the Sun finally dims.

It is the quickened heartbeats of lovers;
A flashback of my hand brushing your cheek;
A piano chord of our song;
A fragment of the setting evening sun landing on your bed, shining through your curtains;
Somebody's faint laughter you hear while crossing the street;
The scent of roses;

That is where you will find me.
That is where I will find you.


--------------------------------------------------------------­----

"Excuse me, I think I've seen you before. Have we met?"
Oh yes - a lifetime ago. Welcome home, I've missed you so.

I am a girl in love

and is there anything worse than that?

love made me feel like i knew the answer but when
i raised my hand, i was the only one in the room

So many have loved me,
yet so many have stopped -

I was their dream,
until I was not.

I'm still thinking bout
you at 2 am but you
fell asleep at 10.

As the ball dropped and the countdown began
The chances of him appearing was ever so slim,
10, 9, 8, I waited and waited
7, 6, perhaps we really weren't fated.
I hoped with all my heart that wasn't true,
Because all I wanted to be was somebody to you.
But then, 5,4, his familiar face appeared
3, 2, 1, I know now, there's nothing to fear
For our lips crashed and our vision blurred,
Fireworks erupted and New Yorkers cheered
We stayed still and dried our tears,
It really is a happy new year.

My dear,
You will never know the sheer magnitude of what I feel for you -
My human body is limited to expressing only a mere fraction of it.

My dear,
You say you know but you are foolish -
for I am unsure myself.

My dear,
All I know is this: what I feel for you is beyond reason -
it is beyond love.

My dear,*
I would give you the world -
but *alas.

the spectrum of the
skies lay within your hands
as a network of dusks and dawns.

This poem is a tribute to you,
even after everything you've put me through.
You've opened my eyes and built my heart,
and blinded me with a love that tore everything apart.

This poem is a tribute to us,
you and I, we soared above.
However, soon, after we landed,
you blew me a kiss and left me stranded.

This poem is a tribute to everything that went wrong,
your eyes were a dream and your laugh was a song.
A song so loud it drowned my cries,
a dream, no a nightmare, full of secrets and lies.

This poem is the tribute to our lovely nights,
not next to each other, but never out of sight.
I was a princess, and you were my prince,
you were all I could think about ever since.

This poem is a tribute to the way you made me feel,
you know, my heart was never yours to steal.
But once it was stolen, I knew it was hopeless,
you drove me insane, and I lost my focus.

You made me laugh, you made me cry,
you made me never want to say goodbye,
you made me feel beautiful, and wanted and needed,
you made me feel crazy, content and completed.

Yes I know, I made you sound simply divine,
but the truth is,  you never could make up your mind.
Hot one second & cold the next,
of all the puzzles I've solved, you were the most complex.

But most importantly,

This poem is a tribute to me
with my head in the clouds, but the ground beneath my feet.
No longer a princess, but not yet a warrior,
just a ******* a crusade to be a little stronger.

Prologue:
Once upon a time, I had three guy friends,
whom on which I could always depend,
pair by pair we could've conquered the world,
with nothing but our little fingers twirled.

Chapter A:
The first boy, Boy One,
our journey had begun,
in a classroom of twenty four,
when both of us wanted more.

He was loyal and loving,
devoted and caring,
but everybody could see,
he was falling in love with me.

I started to put galaxies between us
the teasing and comments grew vexatious.
So, as expected, we grew apart,
the very first injury of my indecisive heart.

Chapter B:
Then after that came along Boy Two,
the second boy wasn't very good with rules.
But, I guess, that was what pulled us together,
here's to hoping this round would be better.

We used to be in love, Boy Two and I,
and after we were over, we never walked by.
We blamed each other for breaking our hearts,
but little did we know, fate didn't want us apart.

We reconciled after being thrown in a class,
but this time as friends, no longer treading on glass.
We became attached, inside jokes and all,
precisely why nothing prepared me for the fall.

The night before his birthday, I promised to call,
"I'll wish you at midnight, or not at all".
His careless reply hurt like a stab in my chest,
'Sorry, I'm calling her,' he confessed.

The betrayal cut through me like a knife,
I could feel him slipping through my fingers, not once but now twice.
Since then, I've been replaced as his best friend by her,
lesson number two has now occurred.

Chapter C:
Boy Three was the friend who was always around,
I'd see him here and there but he'd never seem to make a sound.
Suddenly, one day, we realized we grew on each other
addicted to thrill of walking the line between friend and lover.

Boy three and I would keep each other on our toes,
we'd savor the ships 'cause hey, whatever goes.
The romantic tension was obsessive and electrifying,
but it blew up in my face, and sent me flying.

During this period, I befriended a group of seniors,
who were all laughs & wits, it was nothing peculiar.
However, Boy Three got terribly protective,
we had an immense fall out, both of us too sensitive.

We somehow turned against each other,
silently stabbing and pushing further.
He'd spit about me to his clique,
making everyone doubt me, as we speak.

We said words we could never take back,
and hurt each other beyond repair.
In our hearts, we knew things would never be the same,
thus the third lesson has now taken its place.

Epilogue:**
This was the story of my three guy friends,
whom on which I could always depend.
Once upon a time, I had three guy friends,
but honestly it doesn't matter, I lost all three in the end.

he made a mess with pink cotton candy,
she never did like anything sweet;
he made a mess, he sang her songs,
while she always seemed to miss a beat.

she made a mess with blue cotton candy,
he'd always prefer the pink;
she made a mess, she wrote him letters,
while all he did was wash off the ink.

I was the strawberry ice cream
you took out of the freezer-
you walked away for a little breather
and left me here to melt.

you shook me out, crystal by crystal,
while you ****** on my lollipop tongue,
you molded my eyes into a cotton candy cloud,
which dissolved and I could not run.

Then I realised this power I held
was like hot, sweet, scalding syrup,
you thought I fell but you were wrong,
I made your downfall your luck.

Now my fingers are sticky with blame,
while your teeth chatter with cold,
my heart has turned into a crystal rock,
just watch what you've done unfold.

This carnival had rides, games and a magician
Who promised the crowd a disappearing act,
His voice yelled, “In four hundred seconds…”
As we made our way to the back

Of the field where the carousel stood
And you climbed on a horse as fast as you could.

Spinning, spinning, the merry-go-round,
Looking from the outside in,
I could see the horses, the carriages, the dancers
Growing dizzy, disappearing.

Waltz of the Flowers started slow – melody tinkling like a music box,
I blinked with the lights, faster and faster and counting to when
They would stop.

One second, two seconds, three seconds, four,
One hundred and twenty before feet touched the floor.
Five seconds, six seconds, seven seconds, eight,
Two hundred seconds when you open the gate.

Two hundred and fifty when you find my face,
Three hundred when you realize I’m gone,
Three hundred and sixty when the waltz starts again,
Four hundred
.

If tears were sand,
you've sent me beaches;
If pain were words,
you've sent me speeches.
If misery were a color,
you've given me blue;
And if heartache was a person,
you've given me you.

I can't remember much. Just odd distortions of static vertigo and flashes of lighting that won't quite fit into my sky of memories.*
Bright sparks that disappear as fast as they came, forever out of reach no matter how far I stretch my fingers. Even when the pictures appear on the back of my eyelids like a slideshow of movies I think I have seen before, and my brain whispers that those, those are memories - I cannot tell what was real and what was not. The first reason is because, well, you know. The second is because memories dull, as memories do, when time goes on. I used to hate it, because of the way I could not remember. There would be long blanks where I cannot tell what happened, where everything was a sharp white. Time is a reminder that anything, everything could have happened when I was gone, and there would be no way to tell if it was real.

I can't remember much. Just odd distortions of static vertigo and flashes of lighting that won't quite fit into my sky of memories. But I remember he had rough fingertips. His favorite color was red. I remember that his teeth would have been straight if it were not for the tooth on the right, which curved inwards, ruining what would have been perfect symmetry. He had hair that would turn curly if it grew out too much. He always had some observation, some revelation that lit his face up like a spotlight when he turned around to explain it to me. *He was a brilliant shooting star that vanished before I could lift my head.

I cannot remember his birthday or when we first kissed.
I don't know if all the time we spent was real.

I cannot separate the truths from the untruths, but I know that he - he was not a work of my muddled consciousness, not a work of fiction.

*I know he was real, as real as the Sun himself.

I remember our date, that one perfect day.
You loved me and for a day, I loved you too.
Then when night came, that feeling faded into something else while yours remained the same.

I'm sorry I took you for granted.

We still loved each other, just in different ways.
And we had a song, that song that sounds like a music box in its first few seconds before its soft, electro notes faded in.
Whenever that song comes on, I think about you, the way that I sometimes do.
Like running your fingernails over an old scar, thinking about the
What If's.

But then you were robbed from me. I met someone new
and he loved that song too.
He would play it in his car and he would sing along and every time,  I wanted to yell stop, turn the volume down, delete that song from his library because that song belonged to us.

But I love him and after a while, I started to sing along with him.

I'm sorry, it feels like I betrayed our memory. Because now when I hear this song, I think of his off-key singing before I think of how it felt sitting in your car on the day we loved each other that same way.

I should have protected us. I owed you that much. That song was the least I could do.

stealing kisses in empty classrooms
leaving the door unlocked,
with my head in your lap, your hand in my hair,
you untangled all of the knots.

you spoke to me about your past regrets
as I traced the veins on your arm,
I spoke to you about my past mistakes
as your fingers traced my palm.

I really don't know where we're headed
but I'll give you all my time,
you have my X's and O's and everything else
you have my heart and mind.

I love you with all I have
and I know you love me too.

A list of things that made him unpretty:

He had crooked teeth,
Slightly-too-full lips,
chapped with a small freckle right underneath.

He had narrow eyes,
a wide set nose,
angry eyebrows,
and awkward clothes.

He had a strange laugh,
a quiet demeanor,
cracked fingertips,
and was a terrible listener.

A list of things that made him spectacular :

He had crooked teeth,
Slightly-too-full lips,
chapped with a small freckle right underneath.

He had narrow eyes,
a wide set nose,
angry eyebrows,
and awkward clothes.

He had a strange laugh,
a quiet demeanor,
cracked fingertips,
and was a terrible listener.

Oh, how I loved him so.

Here I am, halfway across the globe,
Seven continents away from home,
Isolated by barriers of roaring seas,
With no one but myself for familiar company.

Weeks and weeks of new faces in classes,
Campus teeming with foreign masses,
Culture shock is an understatement,
everything that I see suffers my judgement.

Chinese Malaysian - my identity,
becomes dissected and questioned by all I meet.
Tired of having to explain my heritage,
Tired of feeling like I need to change.

White and yellow - a clash so supreme.
"Shoes off by the front door, if you please,"
this request met with countless clueless faces,
then I remember: different customs, different places.

I made friends, I wasn't alone,
but they're different from friends from home.
It was nice on the surface but I wanted connection,
understanding of my culture and recollection.

Then I met you that fall Halloween night,
though fireworks were scarce, things were alright,
I left the party with no expectations,
us being Asians didn't mean a connection.

Then we saw each other every Monday,
your friends became my friends, here to stay.
Then that winter night clicked us into place,
there was no escape from threads of fate.

You were born here and  this land is your home,
but when I see you, I feel it all in my bones.
Connection is true, my heart feels at ease,
when I'm with you, there is nothing but peace.

I find home in you when I need it most,
when I feel alone, like my past are my ghosts.
You tell me we ate the same snacks in our childhoods,
celebrated the same festivals, loved the same foods.

Your grandma speaks the language of my mother,
joss sticks at the altar to venerate your grandfather,
the more I love you, the more I realize,
we were continents apart but lived the same lives.

"I found my home in you" sounds so cliche,
but it's so much more than just something to say.
It's the truth and it means the world to me
that we can connect both of our histories.

Destiny, fate, sweet serendipity,
It's wonder you wound up here with me,
It only took me eight thousand miles
to find you, i hope this lasts a while.

Here I am, halfway across the globe,
it turns out, not so far from home,
Now homesick takes on more than one meaning,
how lucky am I for this very feeling.

I love you
I was sure when
You stopped my heart
And I could never breathe again.

I am a girl in love,
and that means countless hours spent on daydreaming.

I am a girl in love,
and that means a constant craving for his presence, and a constant skip in the heart.

I am a girl in love,
and that means having something to dream about, and having something to wake up to.

I am a girl in love,
and that means over-expecting and over-giving, over-doubting and over-speaking.

I am a girl in love,
and that means a non-stop commentary of how he makes me feel to my friends.

I am a girl in love,
and that means jealousy, forgiveness, giddiness, and sadness.

I am a girl in love,
and that means over-reading every signal, every hint, every gesture.

I am a girl in love,
and that means overthinking and overthinking,
clawing onto every bit of affection.

I am a girl in love,
and that means breaking my own heart over and over again.

I am a girl in love,
and that makes me a poet.

I am a girl in love,

and is there anything worse than that?

If I should have a daughter, instead of "Mom,"
she's going to call me "Point B," because that way she knows
that no matter what happens,
at least she can always find her way to me.

And I'm going to paint solar systems on the backs of her hands
so she has to learn the entire universe before she can say,
"Oh, I know that like the back of my hand."

And she's going to learn that this life will hit you hard in the face,
wait for you to get back up just so it can kick you in the stomach.
But getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to
remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air.
There is hurt, here, that cannot be fixed by Band-Aids or poetry.

So the first time she realizes that Wonder Woman isn't coming,
I'll make sure she knows she doesn't have to
wear the cape all by herself,
because no matter how wide you stretch your fingers,
your hands will always be too small to
catch all the pain you want to heal.
Believe me, I've tried.

"And, baby," I'll tell her,
don't keep your nose up in the air like that.
I know that trick; I've done it a million times.
You're just smelling for smoke so you can
follow the trail back to a burning house,
so you can find the boy who lost everything
in the fire to see if you can save him.
Or else find the boy who lit the fire in the first place,
to see if you can change him.
But I know she will anyway, so instead
I'll always keep an extra supply of chocolate and rain boots nearby,
because there is no heartbreak that chocolate can't fix.

Okay, there's a few that chocolate can't fix.

But that's what the rain boots are for,
because rain will wash away everything, if you let it.
I want her to look at the world through
the underside of a glass-bottom boat,
to look through a microscope at the galaxies
that exist on the pinpoint of a human mind,
because that's the way my mom taught me.
That there'll be days like this.

There'll be days like this, my momma said.
When you open your hands to
catch and wind up with only blisters and bruises;
when you step out of the phone booth and try to fly and the
very people you want to save are the ones standing on your cape;
when your boots will fill with rain,
and you'll be up to your knees in disappointment.
And those are the very days you have
all the more reason to say thank you.

Because there's nothing more beautiful than the
way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline,
no matter how many times it's sent away.
You will put the wind in win some, lose some.
You will put the star in starting over, and over.
And no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute,
be sure your mind lands on the
beauty of this funny place called life.

And yes, on a scale from one to over-trusting,
I am pretty **** naive.
But I want her to know that
this world is made out of sugar.
It can crumble so easily,
but don't be afraid to stick your tongue out
and taste it.

"Baby," I'll tell her,
"remember, your momma is a worrier,
and your poppa is a warrior,
and you are the girl with small hands and big eyes
who never stops asking for more."

Remember that good things come in threes
and so do bad things and
always apologize when you've done something wrong,
but don't you ever apologize for
the way your eyes refuse to stop shining.
Your voice is small, but don't ever stop singing.
And when they finally hand you heartache,
when they slip war and hatred under your door and
offer you handouts on street-corners of
cynicism and defeat,

you tell them that they really
ought to meet your mother.

that my grandmother has countless wrinkles upon both her cheeks
from smiling too much as a child

'Attention!' yelled the commander,
as we fell in line one by one,
this is the tragedy we're under,
at least 'til the end of World War One.

I was shoved into the frontline
the minute I turned eighteen,
freedom and peace were never mine,
no, never mine to keep.

My simple life was never real
I was just biding my time,
as a boy my fate was sealed
and to refuse it would be a crime.

Sweetheart, did you remember,
our dreams that were to be?
Now crushed in the cold September,
the result my of signing to army.

Trenches run meters deep
all across northern France,
the home to my battered, crumbling feet,
as I take my battle stance.

In succession soldiers will perish,
across the brutal field,
the pain they will not relish,
but have to keep concealed.

The universal bloodbath,
that'll eventually take it's toll,
all searching for a triumphant path
that runs through rotten coal.

First the Triple Entente,
of Russia, France and Britain,
they had the ships and could confront
to conquer and accomplish their mission.

Then came the Triple Alliance,
yes they weren't very good with names,
it was Germany and Austria, a likely compliance,
I'd say they've got quite fair game.

well,

Victory was widely sought,
but the war was nearly done,
hundreds and thousands of hearts are stopped,
because of the curse that is World War One.

Can the painkillers silence you
or do they not live up to their name?

Excuse me, may I have your attention please?
I'm screaming, I'm broken, I'm on my knees.
Everyday is a torture, with frustration and fear,
Close  your eyes and look at me, the end is near.

Excuse me, may I have your attention please?
Destruction and desperation is all I see.
Cuts and bruises are crystal clear,
Close your eyes and look at me, the end is near.

Excuse me, may I have your attention please?
I'm exhausted and empty and begging for release.
Today is a blur and numbness is all I hear,
Close your eyes and look at  me, the end is near.

But no, your eyes are open but you're not looking at me,
Your eyelids are blinking but you don't see;
I was trapped but now I surrender my barriers,
The end is not near, no, the end is here.

You walk around with your head hanging low,
blocking out all emotion,
you avoid eye contact and fight getting attached,
and live by simply going through motions.

You push people away who try to help,
and refuse to talk about your mind,
you've shut down all that you've so far felt,
and close your eyes to those who are kind.

You see, you've held yourself together so long,
you're afraid you'd fall apart,
if you lost focus for just a couple of seconds
and let people into your heart.

You've built yourself an icy shell,
your walls so strong and high,
they keep your tears from seeping out,
you couldn't break them down if you tried.

But, sweetheart, you really have to know
that you would be alright,
if you let your guard down for the people you love,
and didn't put up a fight.

I'm not sure what you went through
that scared you off from the world,
you seem to only notice the bad you knew,
and kept your fingers curled.

But really, darling, you have to remember,
life isn't always there to hurt you;
that the beauty of living overpowers the worst,
and that you'll always somehow pull through.

There has to be balance of the good and the bad
or the Earth would be thrown off its axis,
everything happens for a reason, be glad,
as in the end, the reason wouldn’t go amiss.

Yes, it will take time to fully recover,
but remember, one step at a time;
because after everything that you've gone through,
what's important is to start the climb.

Exhale negativity, one breath after another,
remember that you'll always win,
so as long as you open up your heart
and begin to let them in.

That boy's got my heart in a silver cage
To capture it, he spent days and days
But once it was seized, he locked it up
then looked at it once, and left it to rot.

He would come up to it, between 6 month intervals,
And bring it back to life, like it wasn't any trouble,
But then he'd grow dark and smash it into two,
and the cycle repeats, through and through.

He used to slip his fingers in the between the bars,
And cared for my heart, and played with my stars
He'd polish my prison, and renovate it pretty
and make sure I'm looking, when he swallows the key.

You see, the thing is:

I could escape and flee with a snap of my fingers,
I've come very close but I always linger
He teases and tortures but it's heavenly agony
I close my eyes, turn around and let him take me.

You said you loved me,
but only when you're the only one.
You expressed your needs,
even if it meant hurting me deep.

We're done, best friend .

1) Sun rays that send streaks of light across the landscape, cutting through the layers and layers of clouds.
2) The shivering reflections of a glass filled half-way with water.
3) Butterscotch candy
4) Heavy paper
5) Quiet mornings

a messy bedroom i never got around to cleaning up