My heart is so heavy,
as I walk down this street.
All I wish is to come home
and to have you to greet.

The spaces in between
my hands are empty and numb
and as I sit here longer
the emptier they become.

I look upon your side,
where your precious smile should be
And all I see in space
and a living shadow of me.

So here, I rest my head
hoping the time goes fast
And I close my eyes
and inhale the past

I smell you, even though it's been months
and I feel your skin smooth
as I snuggle in my pillow.

What would life be without my love?
My soul, my dreams.

What would life be without that simple kiss
Every morning
Every night.

What would life be without the simplistic beauty.
Without his green eyes.
Without his copper hair.

I could never imagine such a place
As I am sure it is far from fond
A place where I roam in darkness
And reach for you beyond.

So darling, know I suffer
Know that I feel as you do
And think of all the kisses I will bring
Once I am with you.

I may be drunk
But at least I'm writing

I may have sunk
But at least I'm lighting

Why is she so much prettier than I?
Do you feel the way you used to?

Jealously stirs within me
I know it's not possible
But I still see every possibility.

A bottle of jack
A bottle of wine

Please keep me
Please pass the time.

I can't. I can't.
Please go away.

Ambitions are behind
my back.
Crossed, like my fingers.
When I promised

Eternity, in the bottom of my glass.
Leaking along.

Away you tremble.
I may come closer.
But turn.

Cover my arms in white,
you said.

Cover my body in cream,
you said.

Cover my face in veil,
you screamed.

"You're gonna be somebody"

So I dropped the glass.
Blood wine on the floor.

Threw the promise
in your face.

And stormed away
My legacy thundering

Like my laughter when you first said you loved me.

With you,
Nothing else need exist.

Maybe I'll find something
Something that's not from hell
Maybe I'll find something
To ring that ****** bell

Maybe I'll run into it
At the store or park
Maybe I'll run into it
And I won't be left in the dark

Maybe I'll see it
Behind book after book
Or Maybe I'll see it
And I won't have to really look

Quiet whispers from along the road
The misty morn cool and polite

I keep my head down low
And cross my heart, hoping

Though the whispers are faint
They have always been there

Creeping and crawling
Under my skin
Urging me forward
Yearning for me
to come to them.

My body is like the river along this path
Ebb and flow, always changing
Cool and collective
Calm and seductive

I close my eyes
And the wind picks up
Kissing my ears,
Fostering my mouth

A flower blooms
along the road

Cerulean against the gray

I feel I am that flower.
Water in me
Open space before me

Cold between my lips
Warm inhale, heated exhale.

Clicking fingers to create fire.
Burning scent, sweet and complimentary.

Elegant smoke, pouring from the mouth.
White, thick, warm, alive.

It makes life bearable when I'm without you.
The sense of lifelessness, but of life.
My body is just a vessel
for the music and the visions I see.
I'm in the clouds, above the pain
Behind the wounds
Across from the aches.
Away from the life I am a part of.

I see what I desire, and yet
I cannot have it yet.

So I sit here
And I create an escape for myself.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
And all the pain slips away.

I am a child of the earth.
My God holds me in his arms
Gives me challenges
Always pulls me back up

I am a child of my mother
My God gave me breath
Gives me joy
Always brings me to freedom.

I am a free soul.
I channel my God.
I am the earth.
I am myself.
And you -

You tried to jail me
You tried to take away my God
in exchange for your own.
But you-

You lost.

I am free.

I will never kiss you again
and let you steal my spirit away.

The steady pulse
of my beating heart

Swings in time with the soothing cello
And strings of earth and air

I see my body, I am outside
I am no longer within

My thoughts are just bubbles
floating in the air

My feet are just stable
but not part of the earth

This is my death
The passing away of my soul

Deepening the plunge,
as I immerse myself within the sorrow

Give away my soul, you say
Stay, you say
Do, you say
Don't, you scream
muffled.

I cry out in those leaping intervals
The painful pulls of your desires
ripping at my already weakened heart.

My strength deteriorates as the dominant over turns
I, lying on the ground, cold to you.

Amen, they say.
To men. The end.

Away you walk
Into the line to fly away
Your feet shifting as you stand before me
And kiss my forehead.
I died in my heart
And my eyes watered
And my stomach dropped
As you turned away and left me.

As soon as I lost sight of you
My body felt empty
My soul lost its fire
My lip trembled
My tears fell fast and many

I died.

I no longer was alive.
No longer did I desire it.
All I wanted
was to go with you.
Fly away from here.
Come away to you.
To live in your heart, in your home.
I no longer had arms or legs.
For you were my everything.
You are my everything.
Still. Now. Here. There.

You are part of me,
my completion.

without you,
I am dust.

I exist only to see you again.

Reverb into my bones
Shatter my fears
Tease my thoughts
Whispering fearlessness
Smoothed touch
Pulsating glances
Endless night
Senseless sunlight
Aching hearts
Dearest darkness

Inside of you and I.

My body shakes as I wait in line
Is your plane going to be on time?

I can feel my heart, beating so fast
My hands tingling, my arms burning
I just want your touch, your eyes upon mine

And my heart comes up into my throat
As I think about my love for you
And that time that I see your face coming towards me
Feels like an eternity

But there you are, walking into my arms
From long flights and hard days spent apart
You kiss my waiting lips
And I dare not pull away from the moment of true bliss
Give into me, let me hold you up.

I have your heart.
No matter how long I must wait to keep it forever.
I have it and will take care of it.
Let me.
And I will let you take mine.

From dust we came and to dust we will return.
But my love for you,
Absolute.

The wrinkles by your eyes
the beauty of that smile.
The deepness of your sighs
please stay for a little while.

The shade of your eyes
under that snowy cover
Showed true love, true skies
Soft beneath the arms of you, my lover.

If I could savor this,
please allow me to feel
the kiss of subtle bliss
A kiss to seal our deal.

It was love from that moment, here
It was love from that moment...
Though you are not near.

I look back at these photos
to a time where I never wore make-up

and then you came along.

If my father had never left my mother
If my mother had taken me away
If my grandparents had never raised me
If people had never made fun of me
If I had never found out about music
If I had continued to push myself into harm
If I didn't experience pain
If I didn't have to be in those terrible relationships
If I didn't see the error of the church
If I didn't understand what it means to be alone
If I didn't experience hate

I would never know love the way I do.

soft and rough patches
covered in scars and old stories.
blood under the shield, hiding away
blue, not black like the circles beneath my eyes.
yours, I still smell faintly
when I lie on that side of my bed.
wish I could sleep well without you.
wish you were next to me.
with you, I am at
Peace.

No longer can I run and not think of you.
you spitting and hissing
go faster. don't quit.
I hate it.
I can no longer try to better myself
without your name flashing before my eyes

the sweat on my brow feels like blood.

you have killed the simplest thing for me,
you murderer.

When I look in that mirror, I still hear you
you're fat. you're not worth it.
you need to be better.
you're not good enough yet.
sometimes i wish you were prettier.
you think i'm not doing you a favor?
i'm only with you because i'm trying to help you.

It hurts my heart to hear that still burned into my head.
your Words so vile.
my stomach aches just to think about it. about you.

Everyday, though, I become stronger.
And ruin your vice grip on my life.

I'm trying to run from you. I will.

Deafness is an understatement.

You slash words at me.

I can't breathe anymore.
I'm done with this constant chain.

binding me to your side.
You just want me to be something else.

I just want you to know who I am.

The truth is that I love him
and you don't understand.

Life is too short to pretend
to be someone else.

Life is too short to never love.

Too short, like this po

The seconds seemed like hours

as we swayed back and forth to the song

blissfully

Your eyes painted my skin with ease

And you looked at me like you had known me

forever.

Never had I smiled so simply

And had someone cherish every crease and corner

lovingly

For even though, though all the pain and loneliness

we both had to endure, it was

for us

We had to become numb to pain

And our bruises are now beautifully

displayed

Hold onto me as I hold you

with fervor and strength in

my heart

For like a seal I have placed you

You, my soul

eternally.

Comfortably numb together

Unchanging hearts, unchanging words

finally

Never to be torn

A rarity.

The finality I’ve burned for since

love was perceived.