Lynne

Lynne Sep 2017

the wheels of life
and the winds of change
led us to this place
where we lay
in the sun so bright, and
the fields so green
our lives mirrors of
reflecting light and love
and yet there was that
single moment, and yet
it happens many times,
where I think of you in your
most incredible hour of
gorgeous lemon and pigmented
indigo behind your head held high
and I think to myself,
"What could have been?"
And now I have glimpsed
into your copper eyes once more
and seen an angel and my
heart just completely soars again
down, down into the earth
where I feel rooted in what
was once your touch
setting my body on fire
and into a trance of complete
and utter happiness.
Your fingertips brushing back
my flaxen locks as we lay
in the sun by a river so cool
or the time when I leaned into
you as we listened to that band
M83...how I could relive it again
and again and again
the memory is burned into me
with a fondness that is surreal
for any relationship I've had
has always brought bitterness
and yet your laughter,
your charm, your intellect,
and your absolute love
has left me breathless
by sheer memory.
Now that I've heard the lyrical
tune of your honeyed tone
I can't but help to think:
could a flower bloom once more?

Lynne Sep 2017

25 in Seoul

the clock ticks on
and the night lays
like a black sheet
over my head.
stars barely there
in the midst of dust
and light from the
massive skyscrapers
and flashing signals
of restaurants, bars,
smokey rooms, and
singing clubs with
***** stairs leading
the way to their
openings.

25 in Seoul.

25 years i have been
here on this earth
and this moment i'm
in feels as if it is truly
one i haven't lived
into yet
i'm struggling to breathe
clean air into my lungs
mentally i'm feeling
the most blocked
and unsure of myself
as i ever have before
and yet,
somehow and someway
i'm completely ok with this.
this quarter-life mark
this brand of a new generation
of self and self-renewal
is being burned into me
my mortality once again
staring me in the face
of course, i could die
tomorrow but i always
hope that's not the case...
and yet, here it is. 25.
right here, staring at me.
what do i do with you?
what do i do with this
life i've been given?
yet another year has passed
and i'm so different
and will continue to
become different
so what's the point then?
questions remain
unanswered as i lay
in solitude in my empty
bed in my empty room
with my empty mind
and empty hands.
what will 25 bring
and what will i bring
to 25?
hopefully a little less
emptiness
and hopefully
a whole lot of restoration
to the heart that i've
beaten black and blue
on the course
of self-destruction.

25 in Seoul.
Who would have ever known?
I open myself to change.

Lynne Sep 2017

the dress

i finally deleted that
picture of myself
in a wedding dress.
it's been three years
since it was bought for
me and i only wore
it once in that dressing
room but i still had
the photos
of me so happy
that i had found
"the one"
i thought i had
found "the one"
and now, three years
later i am alone
and i want to cry
for the memory of that
moment of joy is so
fleeting and so
cold in the back
of my mind.
three years of stale
memories washed up
in the blinking eyes
tears falling from my
cheeks, dreams leaking
under the door of
closed possibility.

will i ever love again?

Lynne Sep 2017

to: M

i know you're writing to me
but i can't bear to think
that you really gave me
a single one of your
precious thoughts.
for i am no longer the center
of your universal reach
nor will i be for a long time.
i made a vow to you
and i broke it into tiny
fragments of glass and
mirrored gemstones
all promises of a life i would
give you for an eternity
lies and more lies on top
of golden twisted lies.
and on top of those
false apologies and pleas.
i'm surprised you even
thought to have my name
cross your mind, for i
am not worthy to be on
your shores of soft sand
a sparkling ocean in your
eyes. you made me realize
my deepest fears and gave
me the most valuable lesson
to use things
and not people. for that,
i am eternally grateful
and for this separation i
wish i had the courage to
make a plea to the universe
but you are far from my grasp
and my loneliness now
is payment for the scarred
lips i left on your body.
forgiveness is not even something
i wish for any longer.
just eternal detachment from
this pain of seeing you
in a state of incredible joy
that is not coming from
my repaired and loving embrace.

Lynne Sep 2017

sunspot

the way the sunlight hits
the empty space in my bed
warming the sheets
kissing my cheeks
how extremely serene
to have this detachment
without the influence
of a shadow in my bed.

Lynne Sep 2017

autumn

there have been some I've broken.
promises on their empty
legs running out of doors
slamming shut behind.
when we walked in those
fields i thought i could nearly
taste eternity in your sweet
kiss and the sweat on your
brow looked like diamond
circling my finger in endless
golden patterns, swimming
further and further away
the swaying wheat caressing
my bare arms, while that sun
warmed and stroked my cheeks
and i knew you by heart
fully enraptured in everything
you were and are and now
i only hear the echoes of your
whisper on these warm summer nights
oh, how you used to hold me
close in those winter days
and yet, as autumn comes and those
leaves turn, i walk down the roads
of orange and burnt candy
and feel nothing but an empty
space in between my fingers
where someone's hand should be.
i do not cry for you anymore
but i cry for someone to hold my head
and tell me life is going to be ok.
will i ever feel as free in these fields?
or will my hands touch the skin
of another human and forever
turn away from any possible feeling,
for fear of those autumn leaves
bringing sadness and separation
yet again in their falling gold.

Lynne Sep 2017

light

you are a glorious
beam of light
that roams through
this world.
though you are singular
and small among
these 7 billion people
you are significant.
no matter what happens
you are important
to someone,
somewhere.
and when you feel that sense
of disenchantment
with the world and all those in it
recall that you
are a glorious
beam of light.