sometimes i wonder if
i could live two lives
in parallel
but eventually
one of them is going to have to
split off onto a far away road

so i must no longer wave at my reflection
or reflections should i say

as i am living many lives, as many people
walking on with their many days
in black jeans, tweed pants, sport shorts,
until

one of them bumps into another
and they all shatter.

so i have to complete the arduous task  
of holding the rusty knife
and killing off the characters of my past
o what a beautiful sorrow

fact: the beluga whale can live for around 50 years.

i see everything
i feel as if i have eyes
we all have eyes
but my eyes see it all

i wish they didnt see it all
i really really do

fact: the patients of nervosa probably can't live for around 50 years.

i know you dont think im looking
i see everything though
i see the sparrows feed and the iron bars holding on

i see the murky water bowl and the sprints up the stairs
i see moonlight situps
because you are "training for the new season"

loose shirt, yet to you it is skin tight
bulging
like a balloon

and we all know what happens to balloons
when they keep growing and growing swelling up
they pop.

and you realise in fact, that the balloon that you thought was there was in fact.
a lifeless hunk of rubber, desperate for a little air

now im not saying that the balloon is a figure of your mind
but im saying that this is.

i think about my time
walking around a vast expanse of nothing
it will be endless.

my body will go to the land.
land i damaged
hurt and killed
with my every waking breath

the land will take my body
unwilling yet grateful
and as i rot
the land will look at my

rotting liver
broken heart
black tar in my lungs
unbroken, unchanging, unmoved
destroyed

and sigh as she goes on with her day.

subconsciously happy that another
killing machine
is of her planet.

you know sometimes i think of mother earth as one of those grandparents
you know the whole "get off my lawn"
cliché
except the teenagers don't leave

the hormonal beasts rip off her lawn to expose
her jewels of life
marvels of wonder
and then what do they do

they take it.

so when mother earth sees another mortal soul
who's every waking breath
hurt and killed,
un broken un changing un moved

she sighs and goes on with her day.