I can't allow myself to want you
But I need you here
Cause I'm afraid I'll disappear
At the hands of
The ego-driven
My enemies
And my fear

There once was a time when I believed an apocalypse was just a sunset
And the story always began with light
But now the Earth has turned into the Dark Forest
And I'm afraid to sleep at night
Cause my doctor gave me a big dose
And the dusk seems to bring Them closer
And my nightmares would scare the bravest ghost

I can't allow myself to need you
But I desperately want you near
Cause I'm afraid I'll disappear
At the hands of
A ruthless society
The consequences of mistakes
And the relentless fear

I wish
I could just disappear completely
In the arms of sleep
Or a miracle
That dissolves my outer shell
And sends my soul up into the deep

But I know
There will be
No story-book ending
I'm a special cause
That needs to be destroyed
I'm a wicked myth
So please don't try to befriend me
Even I can't defend me

Once the world was my playground
A place of smiles from strangers
Under ethereal streetlights
That highlighted muted words and soft touches
Now the world is a battle-field for my essence
A place of traps and landmines
Under sinister trees
That sway from a wretched wind

I have to face facts
Despite the holes in my memory
And the lack of information
They're waiting till the end to tell me
I have to relax
While they're taunting and harming me
While they're haunting and alarming me
I have to turn the other cheek

Cause this much darkness
This much misery
This much depression
This much anxiety
This much paranoia
This much erosion
This much anguish
This much despair
This much melancholy
This much dejection
This much isolation
This much heartbreak
This much pain
This much gloom
Means it's going to rain
Means I'll soon meet my doom
And I'm guessing I deserve it
Pour suffering over suffering
Despite the fact that I'm already overflowing
(But I must remember
That they probably are too)

A mysterious stranger with soft-spoken words
Will be kind at first, then remind me I’m cursed
And my memories all have holes

A shot in the head is how it will start
A bone-chilling cold that runs straight through my heart
And my memories all have holes

A deranged magician with a ******* top hat
Will take my hand and then saw me in half
And my memories all have holes

Feathers from an animal that could never fly
Paste them to me and then say your goodbyes
And my memories all have holes

My soul was dormant for a thousand years
Then I was born and shed so many tears
And my memories all have holes

They want to go back
I want to go forth
At 30 miles an hour I’m thrown off course
Cause I can only move
From point A to point B
Can’t seem to twist and turn my way to Z
So I walk in lines
And I talk in curves
I even have my breakfast for dessert
I feast on ancient melodies
And the sinister, sweet breeze from the trees


I want to go back
They want to go forth
So I climb through my wormhole and head north
Cause I can only move in a straight line
Which is a circle in our non-existent time

You were a legend
But I barely knew you
You were a peasant
The grass grew through you
You were an anchor
To my mother’s ship
You were a lover
With a fighter’s wit

And I came to be
Almost healthy
Almost new
Cause I came from you

Now I’m tied to the moon and wheel
Any spark of light seems surreal
Cause my heart is full of love, but my mind’s filled with fear
And I just want to disappear

But I keep hearing naked songs from a foreign ghost
And it’s these songs I hate the most
Cause even though we met once when I was two
I could never be in your shoes
I can never be in your shoes

I want to live in a place where the bed means truth

A perfect escape from a ruthless world

Candles, wine, music, and an ancient tapestry, a soft breeze through the window and a daydream at night

Lying wide awake in solitude, in the ****, in the mood for *****, or the newness of a tender touch from a stranger

You would tell him to wear a mask, be the phantom, disguise the fact that he's human, and then proceed to make love like aliens on a planet where the sunset is never-ending

Without words, but only a soft genuine kiss, you read each other's mind- Goodnight but not Goodbye- and in his embrace you slowly start to feel him dissolve- atom by atom- back into that foreign celestial heaven

And then the pain is numb in the aftermath of pleasure

You feel the Holy Spirit in waves- and imagine you're pregnant with God's baby.

My boredom is married to my indecision, so I finger another cigarette, frozen in a useless moment

If I had a flare for every time you stared, I'd send it off into space with the rest of the waste that once was golden

Mystery equals mind games and my brain is fried

Wishing I could be the last person alive on earth, where I could be alone with ***** and records- But I bet I was the first person alive on earth; the explanation for why my roots are dumb mud and ****

Souls are recycled from the pit, and the story never ends- maybe next time zen will be in my genetics

Purgatory is a cocoon where the only struggle is waiting for a savior, while you're surrounded by messiahs who didn't make the cut

Wanna go undercover in the audio afterglow and show the universe I can invent new sounds

I want adrenaline and I need peace- the country is lonely and the city never sleeps

Stay or run away, burn out or fade away- Want to go by the lyrics of my heroes, but I fear they've been corrupted

I'm wandering blindly through the dark forest, and I know there's light up ahead but I don't have the strength to climb the trees

I've learned the hard way that spirits aren't bullet-proof- They dissolve with the help of betrayal and ego

I know I have enemies but I lack the capacity to hate- I am man and I am woman and I am nothing and I am everything and I'm a freak and I'm a bottom feeder and still I wonder why people are so cruel when the answer is obvious- but I remain oblivious and blame it on the three millimeters growing inside my head

Tied to the rocking chair, flexing a muscle, while styrofoam stars surround the moon that's being milked by my eyes

You hypnotize me as you paralyze me
And you make me have ***** dreams that blur the lines of reality
And you’re the calm before the storm, you’re the weather when it’s warm
You’re my guiding light, you’re my satellite

Can’t kick the fever of the night when the moon is shining bright
Reaching infinity with you below city lights
And our love is so galactic, erases pillbox blues of plastic
The Milky Way is envious, we dig deep down to the earth’s crust

And no matter where I am, committing sins or making amends
You will always be my friend, no matter how the story ends
So let’s make a pact out of blood and powder
Let’s turn the stereo up a little bit louder
Let’s vanquish all our fears
Make our love like a light year