I was irresponsible.
I made a big mistake.
I'm ready to step up.
To accept the consequences.
But there's one thing I'm fearing.
Not the reaction.
That'll be disappointment.
Maybe even anger.
But the risk of my punishment.
Of not being able to see you this weekend.
If that's the price I'll have to pay I think I'll die a little inside.

I miss you every second I can't feel the warmth of you.
Every time your eyes look at me my heart spirals.
My tummy does black flips.
and my brain tries to say calm down.

Definitely in love.

If you have a heart that's swinging between two people,
Always go for the second,
because if your heart really wanted the first one,
it wouldn't have even thought about the second one.

If you have a choice to make,
listen to your heart and your head,
they make up part of the same person,
you.

I just need to leave now,
pack my bags,
go.

I love it when you call me your mrs, even though I'm not.
I love it when you wink at me, but why I cannot say,
I love waking up to a cute message from you, it's the best way to start my day,
I love waiting at the promenoir, knowing there's not long left,
Till I can have you in my arms, till I can kiss your lips.
I love the time I spend with you,
I wish time could stop.

I hate not being able to sleep, a thousand and one thoughts whirling around in my head.
I hate not being able to block it out long enough to drift off.
I hate that the river sounding like white noise is noisy tonight, when normally it sends me off straight away.
I hate that even though I ate some dinner, I'm still hungry.
I hate that even though my boyfriend loves me, I still think I'm ugly.
I hate that this is the middle of the night.
I hate that I do not know what to do for the next year, stay, or go?
I hate that one day, none of what matters now will count any more, that today's emptying of lockers and taking home stuff signifies the end getting closer.
That eventually I will never have to walk down that corridor, down those steps, past the eyes of people watching me, that soon, I won't even need to remember to reserve my lunch.

I hate that I think I'm in love.
I hate that I'm questioning if this is a good thing?