Its the same old rant
I suppose
I am sad
Not just about grades
but about everything
about me
about myself
about my attitude
just about everything

I dislike myself
I said I wouldn't do this
But its back here again
Sadly

He'll smile
and say,
I'm fine
I've got a ride
& then you'll find him
walking home in the rain
an hour later
The trick is to convince
him getting in the car
is somehow a favor
to you
because he
cares
a lot
less about himself
than anyone else
And he's a quiet
case of agony
He never complains
to anybody
But he's
self deprecating
and
self medicating
He's an accident
waiting to happen
Except its never actually
an accident
He's got hospital gowns
collecting dust
in a pile on the floor of his closet
from all the times
he checked out
without asking
But his bloods still so warm
when he's curled up next to you
And
He's the kind of boy
who will push
you to the edge of your seat
on Monday
Then
he'll sing you to sleep
on Tuesday
You'll find yourself
panicking in the middle of the night
worried to an illness
about his existence
for no reason
at all
He'll have you
walking on egg shells
Terrified
to fall
Holding on for
the sweeteness of your life
He's the kind of boy
who's words never
sit well
And you'll know from day
one that he's not gonna
sit still
So you'll fall apart
every time he misses a phone call
Every "goodbye" will feel like
the last one
And you'll just wanna hold him
He will love you
with a completeness
a priciseness
you've only imagined
He'll love you exactly
as you've always wanted
But you'll never have him
for as long as you'll want to
**He's a quiet case of agony
He'll creep into you slowly
& plant his pain
all over your skull
Oh
I swear
It'll take years
for you to **** it all