I'm starting to separate from the walls
our couch
the dishes
the plants and
the map on the wall
where we pinned all the places we had been together
I'm starting to detach from the photos
Our sweet young nephews
The hopes of creating our babes
I'm letting it go
I'm divorcing your dimples
and the fact that your toes are as long as my fingers
and I'm divorcing the anguish
the ******* yearning
the tears that roll down my cheeks when I awake
and there you are
looking at my with a blank stare
coldness in your smile.
Here I am again.
Married to it all
still.

I bathe myself in preparation
Suds of lavender & honey
lathered over my smooth summer skin
I even shave
just for you
Moroccan oil pours over my scalp
exfoliating extra well behind the ears
ah the ears
my favorite spot
Gently dry off
Making sure not to miss any spots
above the knee
where usually a stubble island lingers
make sure the *******
are like starfruit
ready for your suckling
Lather cocoa butter
on elbows and around neckline
sensual, a paradise for you
My argan oil tresses, your palm trees
drown lashes in bat black
curl them upward towards cloudy head
I pinch already flushed cheeks
nice and baby doll pink, just the way you like it
All the while staining lips vamp scarlet
so that you may think their sole purpose
on my face is for
circling around your ****
I tweeze brows into crescent moons
over a Bette Davis eye sky
And I won't dare forget to bleach each pearly tooth
picket fence white
So when I flash my counterfeit grin
a twinkle may appear
and blur the emptiness
lurking between both corners
Now for the *****, bra pairing
of course midnight lace and twin
You, my dear get to unwrap this body of mine
How will you choose what to unravel first?
******* or ****?
Decisions. Decisions.
All of it for your
heartbreaking ***** machismo

I arrive,
just as those perfect hands
of your clock
strike the moment you wanted them to
You dine
licking your fingers after each dish
You breathe cigarette breathe
Your pungent odor wreaks over my body
as yours climbs aboard
Hair, greasy hamburger follicles
Skin, porous with choking chemicals
And there is nothing to unwrap
nothing for me to find
Except an empty chest
The gold had been in my pockets the whole time
I must bathe you off.

I asked you to sleep with your feet by my head
in order to rest my fingers
but then I wanted to feel your toes
then the ligaments around your ankles,
next the pads of your heels
Then we finally
gave up
and you turned back up to me

we never did sleep that night.

I'm a gypsy
Your eyes are pockets
filled with all I've robbed
from this world
I'm a wave lacking
pure
white foam,
lashing at sand selfishly
I'm malice disease,
ill derived and pale skinned
lurking on your final days
I'm your tasteless vice:
cigarette filmed cough,
pitch lined coffee mugs
repeated whiskey morning breath.
I'm an acrobatic enemy
wreaking of abandonment
and wretched demise
I'm a mummy
wrapped in ***** linen lies
all the while buried in your arms,
like a pharaoh


I have a gremlin heart
that will eat up your days
purging  a stainless course
I bare a scorpion back
whipping in reverse to sting your
heated holy heart
My python legs
squeeze your robust piety,
crushing regal goodness.

My wants are bigger than my mouth and tongue and words
And I am just a                           girl.

I have slept in my bed 800 times
799 times I have slept in between sheets alone, without you
And yet that 735th night
Is what haunts me on night 801
Without you.
I need to get a new bed
And new sheets
And new skin
That you have not touched me in.

If I were to tell you
expose my darkness
unleash my destruction
I know my ocean of black
would swallow you whole
Your eyes would sink into your stomach
and no longer would I be your shining prize
I would flee
and wreck even more that I own
And I would say goodbye
before the period even followed my sentence
I know I'm not woman enough
to see your pain from my betrayal
slip into the carpet
at my feet
So yes, my dear I will flee
I'm so much better at leaving
I don't deserve your concrete feet
and your purity
Commitment drenched in your every move
I've known all along
this time would come
When my skin would shed
my mask would sail
and underneath all that I've shown you
A ***** lush ******* unveiled.