i live with friends
who only care about
themselves
who dont seem to see
me falling into this black abyss
of hopelessness
of despair
of every bad thing that hasn't happened yet

I hate changing rooms
In malls
I pick out the dress
I wanna check out
And get into a stall
The changing rooms
Are deserted when I get in
But by the time
I get out
Everyone is standing
No idea for what

Their eyes bore holes
Through my body
Going up and down it
Like and escalator
Like I’m a celebrity
Like I’m the meme
They forgot to look at
Like my self-respect does not exist
Like I’m eagerly
Waiting….

Waiting for their expressions
To speak
Eye twitching?
You look amazing
Frown on the face?
What the hell is she wearing?

Jaw clenching?
She killed fashion
AGAIN!!
Lips puckering?
She looks modest

But hold up
Listen, listen, listen
I am not waiting for
Your approval
In fact save those compliments
And insults
For yourselves

Because right now
With your eyes
Practically looking at me
Like I’m a toy
A toy you can choose if it fantasizes you
Eye it, leave it if it disgusts you
Is the only reason why

I want to lock myself
Up in a stall and die
The only reason why
I want to **** myself
So I don’t need to breathe
The same judgmental
Air as you

The only reason why

I want to cry myself another river
Break the bridges I built
And get stranded
On the other side