It makes me feel bad,
how I become so anxious,
to be sure that you love me.

I should just accept the fact,
that you keep me on your mind.
And be grateful,
that I'm the only one.

I should not let them,
  the traders
  manipulators
  and heart breakers,
Control my future with you.

I used to be the one who didn't worry.
"Go with the flow"
"Whatever happens, happens"

I found him under my skin.
I hated myself.
So. Many. New.
i n s e c u r i t i e s.

You taught me to love again,
  not only you,
Myself.

Thank you.

So,
as long as at the end of the day,
I'm the one you think of late at night.

everything else is alright with me.

She reads Neil Gaimen
by the light through the window,
a facing forward seat on the only train in Greater Anglia
without any heat,
yet still she peruses the pages with
a flick and a ****** and her eyes begin to wander
in marvellous repeating horizontal lines.
She is blonde and reading Neil Gaimen.

Another blonde another book,
this time Mr King under her palm,
spread like her great legs, wide
and easy to read, yet not easily led;
telephone-line straight eyes
on a north country face,
buttoned up below her is a white blouse,
lace-trimming hiding last night’s pudding-
cake baked by a daughter, I heard her conversation earlier:
there was laughter.
She is blonde and reading Stephen King.

In my memories I find you.
We are infinite at every point.

Midnight on still waters
with the kayak pointed towards the moon.
You kept yourself in your pocket all of those times you wanted me to stay
and didn't say a word.
Alas, a smile can still be drawn.
And we reminded each other that this is what we live for.

Laughter shakes us in the back of the class
While to each other we confess
about love that hurts
finally able to say it
in a world that we're told that gender rules the heart.
We smile together, share the secret of the truth.
And we reminded each other that this is what we live for.

A family adopts me and I learn I'm not alone.
My smiles made real, and bus rides become
enriching to my soul.
I ripped books, bit knee caps, cried on the floor
and you always opened the door to your home
with each creek of the swinging entrance, my heart opened that much more.
Chips, soda, 3 AM fast food, video games.
What doesn't **** you makes you stronger.
And we reminded each other that this is what we live for.

New apartment, new friends.
We sat at the train station, platform 4974.
we learned about inspiration, about how two people can feed
off of each other, and find more on their plates
than when they started.
Entheogenic adventures parked in cars, laughing in trees.
We have our moments that aren't our moments, something like being crazy.
But I never told you that I need you.
The explanation always turns sour, but that's the tragedy of the poet
So much lost between the moment and the word.
Yet a smile can still find us, and we know what happy tears are.
And we reminded each other that this is what we live for.


The truth is that this is timeless.
We points on this infinite ocean.
Probability says we would have never met.
Yet I know your eyes.

I just wanted to let you know,
that this is what I live for.

Free yourself from yourself;
transcend your own Mind.

Mind is a tool that can be used, in any way seen as fit, but, it can also abuse; 
it will ultimately dominate your existence, if allowed to.
Mind tends to lead One down the Paths of Overstimulation; Overindulgence. Overthinking.
To overcome these forces is to forge in fire a stronger and more complete Self:

Ride the Waves; but take heed of the Undertow.

You are in control until the point where you sacrifice it for peace of mind.
It is either a conscious decision or an act of desperation; subordination. Surrender. Defeat.
To sacrifice self-control for sake of comfort;
this indulgent peace of mind is hollow and fleeting,
a mere moment in the ebb and flow of Time.

Cling not to Peace of Mind; you shall be dragged downstream.
Seek it not; lest you **** yourself to a wild goose chase.
Claim it not when you have it; to disrespect it is to forgo.

Simply attempt to realize the ways in which you restrict yourself;
they ways in which you've yet to set your Self free.
Try to acknowledge the ways in which your Mind is your puppeteer,
rather than it being more mutually beneficial.

These malevolent mental marionette strings exist,
for no one is it ever a one-time struggle, it sure isn't for me;
Shadow seeks always to gain power within;
to corrupt your being from the inside out, and
it will always succeed if you don't redirect it.

Mind can break thy chains as quickly and easily as it makes them.
It just takes awareness and willpower.

Free yourself from yourself for yourself; though it's neither easy nor simple.
Free yourself from yourself for yourself; it is up to you alone to grow as a Being.
Free yourself from yourself for yourself; no one else is able to do it for you.
Free yourself from yourself for yourself; though you must teach yourself how.
Free yourself from yourself for yourself.

A fallen leaf in water,
                 is quite her;
pulled to all directions
simultaneously
by fickle currents,
and her steadfast
resistance,
this twisting and turning
vigorous and nervous
mystifies all,
and it is mistaken as
choreographed moves.

You swallowed
And I swear I went down
Your throat

You gulped
And I swear you guzzled
Me up

You drank
And I swear every drop
Of me

You quit
And you swore to God,
To me

You relapsed
And I swear I’m trapped in
Your bottle