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 Apr 2015 Lorraine DeSousa
Eric W
Trying is not good enough.
Nor will it ever be.
 Apr 2015 Lorraine DeSousa
Eric W
I pick this pen up to write,
but before I make a single mark,
I know there is nothing I have to say.

What I could say is nothing more than...useless.
I could talk and scribble some of the
awakening thoughts down into some verse, prose,
or poetry.
But why?
I know of this...for lack of a better word...
pain
I feel.
It is mine, and only mine.
Like she was.
I know where my thoughts wander.
I know what everything reminds me of.
I know.
Why should you?

Why should I bother sharing?
Even if someone cares,
I don't
if it's not her.

I want to fix myself.
It's all I've ever wanted,
all I've ever striven for.
I try.
I tried.
Every day,
for her.
 Apr 2015 Lorraine DeSousa
Eric W
I'm just so tired.

I'm so tired of being the
bad guy.
I'm so tired of being the
scape goat.
I'm so tired of being
emotionally unstable.
I'm so tired of being
in pain.
I'm so tired of being
always wrong.
I'm so tired of being the
cast away.
I'm so tired of being the
forgotten one.
I'm so tired of being the
stepping stone.
I'm so tired of being
so tired.

I'm so tired of being.
 Apr 2015 Lorraine DeSousa
Eric W
Do not fall in love with me.
I'm dangerous.
For every wound I inflict upon myself,
I must inflict on others,
and to love me makes you a target.
I will lift you high above
all others,
and let you fall below
every other.
You will feel the
disappointment, hatred, and melancholic reproach
I suffer in myself
day after wretched day.

Selfish.
That's what I am,
even though I try to be
selfless.
I give everything I have,
and then take it back
and more.

I struggle
to find peace within,
for I know,
that if I calm my desire
to destroy
the self,
I will calm the unconscious
destruction of others.

And there are many things
I have mastered within myself,
within my mind.
There are many demons I have already
faced down,
destroyed, obliterated,
mastered.
And every day forwards me
a new challenge to forward
myself.
And I do my best,
and I long for the day
I do not hurt or hurt.
I try,
but
I'm dangerous.

Do not fall in love with me.
"I will let you down.
I will make you hurt."
 Apr 2015 Lorraine DeSousa
Eric W
Just out of reach,
the suckling mockingbird upon the Willow teases.
She sings a song of poetry,
rife with meaning, but
only to her.
She tells of great things, splendorous pursuits,
and attracts all who should dare
to pass by and lend an ear.
And I stare,
with visions of grandeur
and hope for something as true to time
as the passing of such,
with the chains of tomorrow within mine eyes.
And I listen,
to every song, every note,
with the marvel of time
ringing through my ears
as it moves through towards an ultimate demise.
Transfixed.
I am,
as I stand to enjoy the precious moment,
as still and sure as her flighty, beating heart,
knowing
any move shall cast her south toward warmer climates
and stiller waters.
And as I listen to her sing and stop
and sing some more
of her stories, her drifts through the sky and
drafts oft turned to journeys,
I come to see her heart.
I come to see her life.
And I endeavor to show her mine.
So with great effort,
I tear free the padlocks which time has so
firmly entombed upon my mind and chest.
I wrench them free,
screaming,
as the fire spreads through my veins,
as the poison finally leaks outward of my mind.
I fall,
as my legs give way to the weight of the yesters,
and my eyes search for the person I was
in the dirt of childhood's battleground.
Meanwhile,
startled, scared, delicate,
my mockingbird lifts away and moves on to other lands,
never to return to me.
 Apr 2015 Lorraine DeSousa
Chris
.

Simplified beauty of evening sky glow
A wisp upon willow branch wings
Pine needle longings of echoing choirs
Nature in harmony sings

Vast silhouettes the horizon at play
Carving a smile on the sky
Nighttime arrives with a breath of breeze
Reflections serene to the eye

Rest upon moonbeams which capture your heart
Dream of the stars up above
Here I shall hold you as comets rejoice
*Lost in our wonderful love
Sleep well beautiful.
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