You asked me what I want
But how do you mean?

Like a wish?
Because it's always been a dream of mine
to fly with my own wings
or to control time
so that maybe I'd get enough sleep
and I could draw out the memorable moments until I'm sick of them
and then
maybe
sometimes when I need a break I could just stop everything
and focus on the serene silence of a world frozen in place

But does this wish have to obey the rules of this reality?
because if that were the case
then I could wish for the attention of that one boy
the one with the electricity in his fingertips
and that might temporarily please me

Or I could wish myself convenience
I could wish that my hoodie strings never crept uneven
I could wish that my nails stayed short and neat
so I didn't have to cut them
I could even wish that I knew everything there was to know

Or I could wish for something to better the world
I could wish that natural disasters were a myth
I could wish that 'pretty' didn't mean anything more than the empty breath of air and intangible vibrations that it actually is
That it didn't have any more impact than 6 letters of graphite should

Or I could wish for something to better myself
I could wish for better handwriting
so maybe I can convince myself that my words are worth the paper they stain
Or I could wish for endurance
Or effortless conversation skills
Or pristine work ethic-
something I can use to my advantage in the future to ensure success.

Or I could just wish for success.
I could wish for the job of my dreams
endless money
the perfect family
but where's the fun in that?

I could even use my wish to help someone else
cure someone of their terminal cancer
Hell-
I could wish up a cure for cancer!

I could wish that mosquitoes didn't exist
or that I had a photographic memory
or that I lived somewhere I could wear flip flops in January
or that I would never age, never feel pain
I could wish for an A on my next science test
or that poverty inversely reflect humanity

But you know what I think?
I think it's human nature to feel discontent
and I think
that's vital
to the evolution of the human race

I think that we need it
to continue
to grow
and better ourselves

So what do I want?
What's my one wish?

I wish that I could believe in the magic of the stars peeking through tonight's sky

Who else but only the miser knows
Preciousness of attachment!*

He would not easily give up, not easily part
Loss of what he values easily breaks his heart!

He demeans not one object, knows to love not discard
Treasures each possession, each zealously guards!

Nothing for him grows old, with each he’s intimate
His ownership is blind, associations passionate!

Never demean the miser, rather adore his commitment
None else but only he knows true meanings of attachment!

I'll burn down my yesterday
Drown in the ashes

I'll cut my past to pieces
Choke on the shreds

I'll choose to love my today
And be devoted to my tomorrow

Erased, eradicated, wiped clean away
That is how I am wishing I was today
No more sorrow, hurt, anguish or pain
No more heartbreak for me again

I tried to explain and do what’s right
Never wanting it to be a fight
I only ever had your health at heart
Now it is the cause of our being apart

A mother’s love is unconditional and true
All I ever tried to give to you
Tossed back at me like yesterday’s news
Beaten, crushed, my heart a bruise

So have your wish and be let free
No more input or advice from me
To live your life as you desire
From this battle I will retire

But just remember as years go by
I wasn’t always the only bad guy
Take time to think and maybe reflect
About my love you chose to reject

So I wish you well and pray for success
A life of joy and free from stress
Be happy and healthy and always take care
Be true to yourself, honest and fair

I still don't see
the point
of the daily foulness
maybe it gauges inside me
deeper and deeper
so I can afterwards fill it
with wonders
love
each time making a larger hole
and each time finding ways
for me to fill it


Love can do that sometimes
slowly changing.
what once was happiness
soon becomes sand
weighting on your chest
more and more
until you can't breathe
until you don't want to
breathe.

some loves can make you
not want to love again .


But it's not important.
No matter how fragile I am and if
my drowning kills me
I will rise again
Here I am , I am standing
and again I reach
for someone's sleeve of a jacket
again, willingly
again
with a rapid pounding of my heart

I
again
Live.