Neither black nor white
Nor here nor there
No complete darkness, nor blinding light

Neither left nor right
Not a yes, or no
No love, no, no spite

I watched the city fade into desaturation, the life I knew so well became jaded.
The drought robbed her of her colour.
And when the clouds rolled in I only thought of grey.

The rain enveloped the city and seeped through our clothes and into our skin,
And we are soaked with
A kind of satisfaction.

That's funny.

There is still
comfort
in
the
grey.

*AA

Find a boy
who knows how to trace
the outline of your naked body
without having to take off your clothes

Find a boy
who can kiss your scars and bruises
and still find the time to get lost in your eyes
stumbling all over himself upon finding the girl of his dreams

Find a boy
who would tie your wrists to big red balloons
filled with love and everything good in this world
and float away with you into forever.

**-AA

Tongue tied with trembling hands
you looked at me and smiled.
Your face resembled someone familiar
but in your eyes I knew he was gone.
Take me back to the time you would
shelter me from the rain that felt like knives,
from the pain that would have pierced me
over and over again
because I was reckless and naive;
a girl lost in her endeavours.
You were there to protect your child.
I thought you were made of steel
but even steel disintergrates under pressure.

**-AA

Just stop spoiling me with sweet nothings
that stem from careless daydreams
while the monster inside you is sound asleep.

One wrong jolt of emotion in your body
always wakes him up and he is always hungry.

Look, he's awake now, I told you to stop.

He's alive in your veins and now every word
you speak to me feels like just another
kick to my gut and hands tight around my neck,
another punch to my face.

Belly filled with my own blood where there should only be love, all I ever do is beg you to stop.

There is no more room for you in this home I made out of my bones you tried to break.

Well I’d like to think that I’m not the only one. Maybe reading this would make you feel less alone and I like thinking that I helped.. In a way.

You have so many things to say but you can not speak. How no amount of words spoken or scribbled, no amount of random doodles or no amount of sighs or screams can entirely express these “things to say”. You can’t even comprehend how mere fragments of thought can mean so much, you don’t even know why you think they matter. Maybe because thoughts literally aren’t matter, because matter is something physical, and we cannot see our thoughts. But then you notice how a single thought can stem branches of other thoughts like that of a tree and the veins under your skin. And then there are seas and rivers, and there are lightning bolts that never really strike as a single straight line. It’s like everything runs by the same kind of energy, all bound by this beautiful natural force that no one really notices. You think about all these things and try to figure out all these meanings but nothing really surfaces, because you know it doesn’t really matter.

**-AA

awoken by his sudden kick under the covers.

She rolled onto her belly and stared at her sleeping lover.

Hovering just inches away from his face she watches

as his eyes twitched,

as his nose flared in every breath he took in.

And in every breath he let out she mimicked his breathing

so they’d be doing the same thing.

Like two butterflies in a jar,

who only had each other.

**-AA

Never touching my head
Fluffy and full
And not stained with drool
Placed right beside me
Providing company
When there is no you
Lying in bed with me too

**-AA

Maybe you’re like me. Maybe you feel more than you think, although you think a lot because logic is important. Maybe underneath all that hardness, you’re made of mashed up emotions. Maybe you’re scarred and bruised, but healed and fine. Maybe you’re tired, but somehow because of that you’re inspired. Maybe you’re quiet because you like watching people and it feels safer inside your head. Maybe you’d rather do things alone because you don’t like participating when you can look at everything else when you take a few steps back. Maybe you’re misunderstood as indifferent and ignorant but all you really do is try to see the beauty in everything and love everything even if it’s bad. Maybe you don’t voice it out because you don’t want to seem fake since genuine kindness is rare these days and people don’t buy it so you don’t want to be isolated. Maybe people can’t see you for who you really are because you’re never close enough, so you always end up all alone. Maybe you don’t mind not being noticed, and all you need is the warmth of the love inside of you when you learn to love a world that is dead set on hurting you.

**-AA

How diamonds embedded in fine jewellery, are stained by the blood of malnourished labourers often forgotten by the first world democracy - Boasting mountainous elaborate skyscrapers, marked by the sweat and tears of underpaid construction workers struggling with debts and taxes. How a baby boy or girl is born, not without a mother’s pain - much greater than having major muscles torn. How an old married couple withers away side by side, masking decades of struggles and sacrifice.

All things beautiful were made from chaos.



**-AA

the warmness of your body

pressed up against me

but I lost my mind

when you crushed my chest

and stole my heart



It’s pretty sad

that it happens all the time

the person who grows inside you

ends up ripping you apart



AA