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Maybe if I were prettier

or a little bit thinner

with longer legs

and a smaller nose

maybe I

Maybe if I weren’t so shy

or so busy

or messy

or irresponsible

maybe I

Maybe if I could sing

and if I could dance

or draw and paint

and write

maybe I

Maybe if I were less fickle

and picky and difficult

or blunt and offensive

maybe I

Maybe there may be too many maybes

to maybe tell me what may be

maybe

**—AA
June 4, 2013. 0127hrs
this hurts so much

please just help me

take away the pain

and wash away the filth

in my mind and around my heart

please just help me

i want to sleep normally

and smile normally

and learn to love

please just help me

to love myself

and heal

and grow

to be better

to be whole

to no longer be empty

please just help me

find warmth amidst

the storm inside.

**-AA
September 5, 2013. 0223hrs
off my shoulders

that has dragged

me down further

into the depths

of the waters

of inescapable depression

and undying insecurity

I just want

to surface from

this mundane moroseness

and float up

into the sky

into the warmth

on top of

the entire world

**-AA
June 7, 2013. 0025hrs
A kiss that

Meant more than

My lips

My skin

My body

I just want

A kiss that

Fills me up

With warmth

And comfort

**-AA
August 3, 2013. 0000hrs
come home to

a lovely pair

of warm arms

but now i

wrap my blanket

a little tighter

**-AA
November 4, 2013, 0411hrs
the flower she holds
reflected in her eyes
like a sparkling jewel set in crisp blue satin
with startling loveliness and wistful kind words
it seems to me that the world was an afterthought
she was the perfection that creation needed
the angel to top off the universal christmas tree
the flower tries in vain to compete
but its even a whisp of her in passing
that sends ones mind spinning
just the notion of her makes my heart miss its rhythm

the flowers make wonderful decorations
at the temple each man who has known her
has built
where some sneak away in stealth of night
and gaze up with such wicked wonder at her likeness
but i and others wear her upon our sleeves
like proud hearts singing
like devoted acolytes of a better goddess
she holds up a flower and i see its reflection
in her eyes
the flower is just a thing
she is a universe of warm suns
how deep is deep enough?
how far will I sink?
will i touch the bottom before my lungs
have no oxygen left to drink?
will i just dissipate into the water?
they say 70% of the earth is made up of the ocean
and I too have 70%
I think I'll blend in nicely
To be Loved
is mostly
temporary and at
times a lie.

But to be missed
to be remembered
lasts as long as
a memory
and is about as
real as it's ever
going to get..
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