I'm afraid that one day I will no longer remember the way you walk or the way you eat, or the way you write, the way you speak, or the way you tilt your head when you look at me, even the way you make your eyebrows meet. Or how you pull me closer, or hold my hands, or smell my hair, even the way it makes you jokingly wanna puke.
I'm afraid that one day I will no longer remember the taste of your lips, the shape of your face, the smell of your skin, the sound of your voice, the texture of your palms, the places of your scars, or moles, or your calluses.
I'm afraid that one day I will forget everything that matters.. *But the thing I fear the most is having to wake up one day and feel forgotten.. by you.
Like a lion crying for a mouse's rescue or a caged bird seeking for the sky, I need you
Like a shore that dries up without the ocean or the moon longing for the glimpse of the sun, I miss you
Like a star I spent the night wide awake searching for the right metaphor to say but in the end I cannot conclude for nothing compares to how much *I love you
I thought about it on and on and on and on and on and again Til I realized I am my own before I am anyone else's I am free But I am scared of being too free
They say you cannot give what you do not have, I do not agree. I have given more than what I have - with more than I can ever give, even if I feel empty - to people who may or may not deserve it
Because in fixing other people's hearts, I fix mine; in changing other people's lives, I change mine.
here I am lying on the floor half of my body is outside the door weird place to be, I thought I was but I was amused when I realized how easy it is to be at *two place at once
I looked up and see the wonders of the night half expecting that answers will just be in sight though I knew from the start that there's nothing there but still darkness and sparkles of light
I feel like I lost something. But I can't figure out what, or is it a "who." Whatever it is, I forgot the how's.
I can't sleep. I'm trying to remember what it felt like holding that thing again.. I can't remember. Maybe I forgot how it felt like to be whole, or maybe that thing was not really mine from the start. Oh my god... what if I lost something that wasn't mine? Is that even possible?
I'm panicking. I can't remember if it was myself that I lost. What if I never really lost anything.. what if I'm just losing myself..again. I don't wanna go back to being incomplete.
"Hi. Do you hear me? Can you read this? Have you seen her? She looks a lot like me...but happier."
She's afraid to say it because she knows that when she finally does it would be real And He He doesn't take things too seriously because if he does they would matter But she and he couldn't deny that though she remained silent and that though he remained indifferent What was left unsaid, it was real and whatever they had, it mattered
"Thank you for holding my hand while I try to fix myself. But baby, as of this moment, I am burning; and I don't wanna see you turn into ashes just because you love me too much. I don't want you to lose yourself while we try to find me. I don't want to be unfair."
There'a something subtly terrifying about the sound of the clock - tick tock tick tock - like it's the world's reminder that we shouldn't waste our time on something unimportant. Yet, here we are writing our hearts out, never knowing if these words create an impact.
But I have to gamble. Read or not. I choose hope. "Hope" how lovely that word is. I think hope is the most beautiful word, at par with faith and love. It is belief in the positive, belief in all good things, belief that the future is good even if it's yet to be seen.
*"May your choices reflect your hopes and not your fears"
I've been scribbling words about you, I haven't looked at the clock til now - it's 17 minutes past 7. I may be late for work.
I have written several nonsense letters, wondering if I already wasted more ink than I should, thinking how many of these words have you already heard, and doubting if they would mean something more once you read them.
These words, these are the things I want you to know but would never tell you.
But these words, they don't really matter, do they? These words can't make you stay, or flinch even.
Because the things you told me that matter, they didn't. And even if they did, we won't do anything about it.
but someone who will love you the way you deserve to, but someone who knows your worth, but someone who does not only make you feel like home but is also at home with you
and I don't necessarily mean another person
*that someone could be yourself
someone already found you, it's time for you to find yourself
I will keep on writing until I run out of words until I run out of thoughts I will keep on writing until I can no longer write your name I will keep on writing until I can forget like how you did or like what you're doing
I will keep on writing until I can no longer feel whatever it is you made me feel I will keep on writing until I can no longer read the words you have written that I've assumed are for me
I will keep on writing I will write you away I will write the pain away
I will keep on writing until my heart accepts until these what ifs stop until these maybes disappear
I will keep on writing until I can no longer write about you about us about how much about how late about how about what about when about why
I will keep on writing until I can finally put the period that would end everything
I will keep on writing until I stop and when I do stop you'll know that even though it was so hard for me I no longer, nor will ever write again for you