all this anger and all this sorrow
used to be love

it used to be laughter
and late-night texts
the kind of thing
we swore will never fade

but now, it’s a weight
i carry alone
all the silence
every moment i wish i could take back

what do you do
when something so beautiful
turns into this?

tonight is my last night being 16,
and the air feels heavy,
like it knows what i’m leaving behind.
i would pay everything i have,
every dollar, every secret,
every scar,
just to go back.
back to scraped knees instead of broken hearts,
to believing every birthday was magic,
to running without wondering
where i was going.
but time is cruel,
and childhood is a price you can’t refund.

you said you didn’t understand me
because you can’t think of a reason i should be sad for.
how do i explain depression
to someone who only knows sunlight,
whose heart has never grown heavy with rain,
who has never felt the weight of nothing at all?

you can’t understand,
because you’ve never fought your own mind,
never tried to build joy
from the rubble of yourself.
how do i explain?
i don’t.

i am breaking down,
a flood behind my eyes,
a weight i cannot carry,
a silence i can’t disguise.

the walls feel too close,
my thoughts too loud—
a scream that no one hears
in a room without a crowd.

this is the end.
this is all there is.

i didn’t smell your cologne today.
you saw my swollen red eyes in class
and you didn’t ask if i was okay.
you didn’t laugh when i made a joke—
you just looked away.

i lost you in the quiet moments,
when the words felt heavy and broken.
i think of calling, but i think i’m blocked.
you don’t love me anymore.

i lost you in the crowded spaces,
where laughter vanished and shadows grew.
i reached for you, but you were gone.
you don’t love me anymore.

you don’t love me anymore.
you don’t love me anymore.
you don’t love me anymore.
you don’t love me anymore.

i want to stop bleeding,
but the only one who’d understand
is the reason i start again.
there’s no one left to hold the weight
but me, and i’m so tired.