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Liz Devine Jul 2013
I'm trying
with closed fists
and a clenched jaw,
not to hate you
for everything you are,
but I can't make miracles
and I never called myself a saint

I'm doing my best
not to curse your name,
or wish ill upon your head
but the blackness is bubbling up,
and I can't hold it down forever

I'm quietly,
violently
wishing you away,
praying for your non-existence

I'm hoping
you'll just disappear,
where you stand
and dissipate into nothingness

Because I've been nice for too long
and it's my time
to be angry
and spit spite your way,
to hate and to hold
your memory in my mouth,
chew it up good
or swallow it whole,
doesn't matter
either way, you'll become my ****.
Liz Devine Jul 2013
Those clouds are rolling in,
again
to say their morbid hellos
to my blue sky
and cover the bright sun

Today is new,
but it tastes stale
lifeless,
flavorless,
like it had been chewed, before you spat
it into my mouth

Empty,
and burning with envy
lost with love
I lay,
and you lay
in different countries
and separate beds

We missed the spark
the old heart
we shared as one
the one that once connected us

Gone,
empty,
broken and stolen
Left,
with no leg to stand on
I rest alone
and try to remember,
the man I've spent
the last three months
trying to forget.
Liz Devine Jul 2013
My heart;
fell from my chest
and landed on my lap
the day I saw you,
and her
together, and I knew
that it was really over

It burst open,
and spilled blood over my knees
and it dripped down to my toes;
until I was covered
in my own mess
Yeah, you caught me red-handed

I stopped breathing,
even thinking,
for a moment
as I watched my little broken heart
try its best to beat

It flopped and shook
all over the floor,
until it was too weak
to move
and then I watched it die

It's okay,
I'll probably live longer
with out it
Heavy hearts
like mine,
are nothing but trouble
Liz Devine Jul 2013
I'm sort of just now
becoming
real
transforming into the girl
I was meant to be
the kind of girl
I always dreamed of being
but never had the guts
to become it

I never liked to hide in pain
I'd just rather always feel something
as opposed to nothing

rather have hot and cold
than luke warm, all the time
making me nauseas
I'd always choose day and night
over the murky grey abyss
life fading into bleak
nothingness
Liz Devine Jun 2013
I've written this love story,
our story,
over and over again
with different plots

Changes of scenery,
but the actors remain the same
same mouths,
eyes
and lips,
same touch,
passionate,
award winning,
and fake

Movies may look real,
but real isn't in the movies.
Liz Devine Jun 2013
I didn't ***
until you left my body
Left me alone,
to remember me
and what my body wants

It was you,
but it wasn't

Full of contradictions and insecurities,
we made the beast
and unleashed a beast

Now, it's taking over
devouring me whole
licking and stabbing,
loving and hating

What you gave,
and what you stole
was never real at all.
Liz Devine May 2013
I think it really could have gone
somewhere
you know, could've been what
it wasn't
but I lost it.

I always do that,
lose the important things
the things you put it your pocket intentionally
and say, "Okay...STAY."

Like when your mom gave you her necklace
a shiny jeweled fish,
wiggling on its golden line,
and you promised you'd take care of it
but you didn't
and it ended up at the bottom of your toy box

That,
is this.
This same feeling
was here. I had it.
I was going to love it
take care of it
watch it grow
into something beautiful.

But I lost it.
I checked all my pockets
and my toy box twice
but it's gone.
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