I'm missing the heart beat
Of someone tonight
But he's long gone now

I'm wishing I fell asleep
On his shoulder
And he never knew

I'm hoping I'll find that
Simple feeling again
Even if I have to wait

I'm breaking, or very nearly so
Because I know someone else
Is missing me

He's missing my smile
And the love I couldn't give
But I'm longer gone

And he'll never know
I'm longer gone now
Than I've ever been

Why is it on the edge
of sleep that I most
feel the currents pull?

All my worries are grown
and strong when the last
peaceful moment comes along.

My bones worn rough with
sand often shake and my
heart made all the more raw.

Where are the gentle tides
when my soul wants to take
to the depths and fly?

Somewhere a boat must be
pulling into the harbor for
a girl singing a sailor's song.

For now my beach is just
the sand the water and me
watching storms cross the sea.

How is it so easy for the fickle
ocean to draw wishes and woes
only to throw them back?

No help is going to come
If it doesn't come soon
Nothing but a rain-less storm
Thickly pushing its way in

And I can see black where I know
There was once innocent blue
And I can feel red creeping down
These walls of mine

Wish there was lightening striking
I hate this only almost fighting

If I can't make it on my own
I'm afraid they will
If I won't find that smile
I'm afraid I won't be able
To find it ever again

Night breeze blunders
I hear the roar of ancient
And not so distant thunder
I'm afraid I'll never see
Your faces ever again

Someday with a flash of light
I will shatter, jaded, and cry
Someday with or without you
I will lay down, silently, and die

I just don't know
Which day
Will come first

If

                                                            Its

                                                    Still

                                       There

                           When

                  You

          Get

Back

An angry sun setting
Once saw me smile
And burned a blue hole
In my every sight
And every now and again
I find myself wishing
I could smolder too

Trees often elude me
When I most want to hear
The sway of branches
And the grace of leaves

Concrete is most cracked
When I crave something
Solid under unsteady feet

And some electric nights
My moons are serene
But mostly the little stars
Remain unspoken and unseen

Closing my worn and wary eyes
Makes it hard to feel
Dew and troubles anew
But even then I can find
That little blue hole
Pulsing fiercely in time
With the back of my mind

Can you see me?
Gazing up from the ground?
I'm still breathing.
Every breath is harder.
Than the last.
But I'm not stopping now.
Not anytime soon.
My hope is louder.
Than the blows you throw.
A heart can fracture.
It can even break.
But breath keeps breathing.
Long enough to heal.

Is having . . .
                 A thousand sorrows
                                  A thousand troubles
                                                   And a heart that is free.

There is a peaceful movement
In the roll of a car
A sense of slight anticipation
That can't be found any other way
Its that knowing that everyone
Everywhere
Is searching for someone
A someone who could be you
It comes with a glance to the sky
When you smile
And you feel the stars pull far
But the moon swings near
With a turn of the wheel
You think its all so unlikely
Its all so far from what will be
All the same
Just for the moment it'll be alright
If you never make it out of here
As long as you've got this moment
And the hope of a moment more
You just might be happy
Anyway

When I met you you were crying
Somebody did you wrong
Your face was a fish
A red, bloated fish
And it made me a little sad
To see the fat fish in your eyes
I gave you a crumpled tissue and tried
To make you smile again
Then, my friend, you were laughing
Cheerful as a fluttering lark
But they said you were cruel
And I'd never have known
Except now you've gone
And done somebody wrong
If I was her I might have cried
So no, you are not a fish or a lark
More like a dog
But the greatest consolation I have
Is knowing Karma has found you
And She's a bigger ***** than even you

And I do think of you
Even when I know I shouldn't
And sometimes I think
I see you wishing she was me
And maybe its a little late
But we never would've been
          Any more than we were
                         Yesterday

There is a pile of chopped up birch tree
That's death too
Even if no one notices

There is a brown maple leaf in the intersection
That's death too
Even if no one pauses to let it pass

There's a worm dried up on the side walk
That's death too
Even if everyone stomps on it

There's a quiet lady who's never lived alone
That's death too
Even if they all mourn when she goes

To every
          small gain
To every
          choice made
To every
          hasty negative
To every
          love chased
To every
          life lived

Pain escapes his eyes and stains his cheeks
Does she know what she's causing by fighting the end?
Doctor smiles wide to shake my hand
I hate that I feel rude not smiling back
He asks again how long (not long now)
There is a dusty cobweb on the ceiling
I've never noticed it before, must've always been there
Nurse fidgets with some papers and bottles
Questions asked, doctor jokes and laughs too loud
Irrational voice in my head hates her
One room dying, another crying, in a heavy house
Thick and tired air between us and he is falling into it
Only seen him cry three times
Once for fate
Once for her
Now for himself

         I never realized how bad the front door sticks
                   Must've always used the back

My knuckles sting
From an icy gust of lovers lost

Calloused are my palms
That gave up their soft beauty
To a beautifully temporary green

Nails short or jagged
Sometimes they cut and bleed
A snag between your skin and mine
Not all of my ventures bring me peace

Small and stubby fingers
Thin bones just below the skin
Overused muscles and tight tendons
My hands are ugly and they often ache
They are broken --but they serve me well.

Do you see it?

                                                                                                                                                                          It’s coming.

It’s just a glimmer now.

                                                                                                                                                        But it’s getting closer.

Here it comes.

                                                                                                                                                Straight from the horizon.

Faster, it’s getting faster.

                                                                                                                                                   And brighter, too bright.

Much louder now.

                                                                                                                                                   Must be a noisy coming.

It’s almost here.

                                                                                                                                                          Are you ready for it?

I don’t think I ever could be.

                                                                                                                                                                               Too late.

I know.

                                                                                                                                                                              -Because-

-Its-

                                                                                                                                                                             -Already-

                                                                                         HERE

I can feel it when you fall
The little pieces and all

I know all the biting complications
Every coming and passing frustration

I see each cloud that passes your eyes
One by one they fall into a deepening sigh

I refuse to see you crash or lose
Your strength will be found in the bruise

And yet

I can't tell you any of these things
Without the brutal stings

Of love denied