every day is a constant battle but im always looking for just one reason to get out of bed in the morning

i dont usually find it

there is two much and still not enough and i cant say im isolated but its almost worse being alone in a room full of your friends and family knowing they couldnt give less of a **** about you and whether or not youre about to crack

i cant take the lackofvoices in my head anymore

three days of the week i cry myself to sleep and the rest im silently screaming until i have no oxygen left and i pass out choking on the words i wanted so desperately to reach anyone whos willing to listen

im always disappointed when i wake back up

there is no longer any reason four me to brush my hair or put on make up or eat or sleep or starve or be anything but the worthless shell of a human that i am and i dont deserve the well meaning but empty condolences of the few who care and have stayed through all my **** thank you guys but its a waste of time i'm drowning and i dont want any of you jumping in the lake to save me youll just drown too because  its not water its quicksand

i dont think i could take it if i was the reason our skeletons rested together under the soil i meant only for myself

i hate everyone and everything five times more than they hate me and if thats not enough then i hate myself as well and i guess that means that the whole world could burn and id just laugh because the fire tickles compared to what i do to myself

there is no reason to punish me because i doubt you could do anything to make me flinch

six hours of the day i spend losing myself in poetry and books and music but that is my only escape i wish i was someone who could drown themselves in ***** or drugs but getting drunk only makes me sick and i still have too much **** pride to go out and knock back more pills or smoke things that will make my head float

so much and so little to do  with so much and so little time

there are seven cuts on each of my arms one for each day of the week that i think about killing myself and i swear i didnt do that on purpose it just happened that way and i wonder if thats what my entire life is made up of only those words 'it just happened that way' so now there are fourteen more cuts to add to the countless scars and im so ******* sorry i cant stop but i dont think you people know what it feels like for bleeding to feel better than not

would you believe me if i told you this was one of my good days?

I

                       Am
                      Nothing
But
                                                            ­         A cacophony,
                                      
               ­                          Soundless
                  
                                                                ­            Echoes
                     Of what
                                            

                                                      Used to be

Some places in me
Are hollow
And if you press too hard
I'll cave in

I don't need empty reassurances
Of my wholeness
Just acceptance
Of my vacancy

But please know
That barrenness
Does not mean less
When it comes to loving you

I am Monday
The sky on a rainy morning
I am the sea as it rumbles
The air as it trembles
I am the storm
And the calm  
I am a mess
Catastrophe with eyes grayer
Than the smoke
Of the world that has burned down
Around me