I was depressed
There is no denying it;
To the point
I dreamed of a new way to die.
For years this went on.
God says he would never put upon us
More than we could bare.
Maybe I was at my breaking point
I don't know
But I do know I needed God,
I was invited and went to a small church.
There might have been fifteen people there,
But that didn't matter
Because God was there.
I had been struggling for years
To hold onto a Christian form of life;
Not feeling God
But trying to believe He was there.
That night
He proved it to me.
He lifted the burden of depression.
Immediately gone
Were the thoughts of suicide.
All of a sudden
Life had hope.
There was no more
Crying myself to sleep,
No more hopelessness
Life wasn't a dead end road anymore.
I could see tomorrow and opportunities.
I could feel God's presence again.
I could spend time with Him
And know he heard my every word.
And I believe Smith Wiggleworth had it right:
When he said
"There is no limit to what we may become.
If we dwell and live in the Spirit."
I became whole
Free from depression
Enjoying a world of endless opportunities.

Surviving through
Another night of pain
Having only myself to blame.
Not being careful
Or noticing enough
Is why I’m having to endure this stuff
Ever ache and pain
Has a piggy back;
Cause diabetes catches hold
And throws everything off track.
What might be a little pain in my thigh
Will also jump to my stomach without knowing why,
So many pains that can’t be explained
Except to say you’re diabetes;
You can search high and low
For the answer to know.
But you might as well just forget it
There’s no understanding reasoning why
Pain accelerates til you just want to cry
You try to manage but mostly you endure
And you pray everyday
That they just find a cure.
     © 3/4/2013

One of these days
Where nothing’s right
A ******* up memory
With which to fight.
Forgetting things
I shouldn’t have
Hating how
It’s got so bad.
Causing trouble and confusion
For everyone else.
God please help me to be able
To help myself.
Between appointments missed
And kitchen fires
I feel like a circuit
With messed up wires.
I need to know
What I shouldn’t forget;
Dear God could you please
Just help me with it.
     © 4/15/2013

Beneath the ****** cross he knelt
His life forever changed
Because of all the loss he felt
His life as rearranged
He use to live for just himself
But a mission now was his;
He had to spread the word of God
Just like the Savior did.
He now saw souls instead of lives
And each was precious to him
It was time to do more than just survive
He had to live for them.
A whole new world was waiting
And they needed to be informed
There is a Savior who can take their pain
He is Jesus Christ the Lord.
So our mission is to work for Him
And search our all the lost;
And lead then to the one
Who's already paid their cost.

Lord help me find the hope that eludes me
And the faith that waivers still;
But most of all God place me
In your pure and perfect will.
I've learned that praying selfishly
Even getting what I want;
Somewhere down the road
I pay a higher cost.
If listening to my prayers Lord
You find the selfish and unwise;
Then to be just say no and help me Lord
To open up my eyes.
Help me Lord to pray for others
Instead of for myself;
Help me learn to be of service Lord
To those in need of help.
Help me Lord be better
In everything I do;
I want to be more Christlike
Lord I want to be like you.

Wondering lost
Through realms of time
Feels like I'm running
Or trying to hide.
Why can't I stop?
Stability's unsure,
Can't find my footing
Or get my foot in the door.
Where's my niche?
Where do I belong?
What's the right path?
What am I doing wrong?
Maybe I just need
To stop and breathe,
To know I belong
And try to believe.
Not everyone finds their place
Right away
Why it takes some longer
No one can say.
But those that take longer
I'm come to observe,
Have a better foundation
And a stronger nerve.
Maybe that'll be
The case for me,
When I find that place
I'm meant to be.

I fell like I’m being
Spied on or stalked
Maybe I’m being laughed at
Or mocked.
I feel like someone’s
Playing with my mind
It’s like fear and excitement
Both combined.
Suddenly afraid:
Paranoid
I felt like I was in the middle
Of a deep dark void.
Constantly searching
For the unknown force
And still unable
To find the source.
Nerves are shattered
Imagination runs wild;
Jumping to conclusions
Like a little child.
For a logical explanation
I’m racking my brain.
I feel like I’m dreaming
Or going insane.

There comes a time to plant
For the food we need;
A time to harvest
And collect the seed.
Even greenery has
It's appointed time
To take root and grow
To tree or vine.
Even Jesus had a time
To live and die
To spread God's word
To show us why,
There comes a time to harvest
The seed we've sown;
Are you a Christian,
Did you make it known?
Did you share your story
With someone else
Did you feed the needy,
And give them help?
Did you practice the love
That Jesus showed;
Did you help someone
Get out of the cold?
Have you taken the time
To plant and sow?
Harvest is coming near
You know.

I find in meditation
The realization
That classification
Is only in relation
To my determination.

On rare occasions,
I'll walk down the street
And see some magnificent body
Filling out a pair of Levi's;
And my breath catches for a moment.

On rare occasions,
Some total stranger
With a brilliant smile
Will wink at me;
And I feel a flutter inside.

On rare occasions,
A **** voice
Will reach out through the airwaves
And pull me into a four minute affair.

On rare occasions,
The ****** words
Of an enticing poem
May shake me to the very core
And I find myself
Lost in a passionate fantasy.

Illicit thoughts
Will occasionally creep into my soul
And I look to my left hand
As a simple reminder;
On those rare occasions.

My world is better because of you
I thought that you should know.
You keep me sage and give me strength
Where ever we may go.
You work so hard to provide for me
And sometimes I forget to be grateful
And sometimes I’m just a pain in the ****,
Who doesn’t realize she’s being hateful.
I know I take you for granted
But I’m glad that you’re my man;
You’re the one who takes care of me
When life gets out of  hand.
You encourage me to do more
Then I could ever do myself
And I pray that I am there for you
When ever you need help.
I want to be the one to give you strength
To be the shoulder you lean on;
To always be there by your side
No matter what may come.
I need you to know I love you.
I need you to know I care;
About our lifetime of commitment,
And the love that we both share.
     © 1/9/2013

I stand on top of my world
In my comfortable clothes
And my padded shoes
A nice jacket to keep me warm
And shades to cover my eyes,
And I watch the world.
I see him struggling to pay the bills
And feed his family
And I admire him.
She's so terrified
She's pregnant and alone
But she's determined to keep that baby.
I envy that strength.
They have a dream
And they put all their energy
Into accomplishing it.
They won't consider failure.
I long for that mind set.
That heart-breaking child
With no hair from the chemo
Laughs
And encourages others to live.
I stare in wonder
With my nice comfortable life
That I seldom take part in,
And I wonder at the hand of God.
Maybe
He's calling that child
Because he deserves a promised land

I looked at myself in the mirror
Not myself, but a stranger to me,
And upon a closer inspection
I saw what others must see.
In a second I saw both youth and age
Beauty and beauty skin deep;
And I stared at the stranger in me
And suddenly I wanted to weep.
I went through life with blinders on
I saw what I wanted to see;
But for one moment, one second in time
I saw for once, the real me.
And as I look back I'm sorry to say
If the truth of the matter be known;
I might take back that second in time
When I saw without blinders on.

Clothed in dark
Demented souls can hide;
Made known only
By the fire in their eyes.

The pits of hell go
Where ever they go;
Always looking for
The unsuspecting soul.

Where evil lingers
Might be a door;
Beware of who
You open it for.

It’s difficult to be in a job
That floats you from place to place
While you might enjoy the diversity
It’s hard to remember each new friends face
You finally settle in
Find a place that feels like home
Learn the names of all your co-workers
Begin to feel like you belong,
Then that small mat of security
Gets yanked beneath your feet;
Sorry son, we’re transferring you.
You leave in two more weeks.
Then once again you’re left in limbo
Filled with worry and distrust;
No one close that you can talk to
Part of the job, do what you must.
I know you wonder as you’re packing
Will you ever find a place to stay;
For that family you desire
Those children you want to raise.
And I can’t look into a crystal ball
And say you’ll find your dreams.
I can only encourage you to hope
and work toward that belief.
They say God works in mysterious ways
Sometimes I think that’s true;
Maybe she’s not in this town,
The one God has for you.
So maybe that’s why God keeps floating you
So you can have that special wish.
So remember when you’re struggling
To find where you belong;
All you have endured
Has only made you strong.
Remember when your days are stretched
To the edged of the twilight zone;
Call upon the friends you’ve left behind
Because you are no longer alone
     © 8/6/2003

True evil lurks
We may see what it does;
But it spans the gap
Of what is and what was.

Innocient illusions
Will lure to its web;
And before you’re aware
You’ll be chained to its bed.

Unseen are the demons
You’ll find behind smiles;
Beware of mine
Then a woman’s wiles.

Angers that flare
Pull down walls of trust;
And a desperate soul
Will do what it must.

Only one salvation
Will ever be true;
And it’s lingering there
It’s calling to you.

Beware my friend
Which voice do you hear;
One bathed in hope,
Or one clothed in fear?

Sinking in the shadows
Inside I hear a cry;
Now is the time to stand and fight
Not the time to hide.
Your battles are not flesh and blood
But demons stalking you;
They try their best to keep you down
They'd love to **** you too.
But do not fear for you have friends
There's angels by your side;
Fiercely they protect you
So you can stand with pride.
Our God would never let you face
A battle you can't win,
He's always there to help you
On Him you can depend.

Tempestuous desires find me dawdling
On my dim view of reality.
I’m fighting desperately against the feelings
But I find myself attracted to your personality.
The things you say are scandalous.
I should be filled with disgrace;
Yet my heart is palpitating
To see the hunger on your face.
You whisper needs into my ear.
Your breath on my neck sends a shiver;
Which makes me more afraid I wonder
Whether you will or won’t deliver.
I can’t concentrate with the feel
Of you breathing down my neck;
My body’s turning against me
And I’m losing self-respect.
How low have you sunk when it doesn’t matter
Whether it’s friend or foe
Whose teasing touches titillate your body
Until you can’t say no.
     ©7/30/2003

I can feel the breath of God
Through the trees
As they bow to him in reverence.
Nature sings praises unto him.
I can hear it in every blue bird and
and whippoorwill.
The wind blows and the trees
Become instruments in the background.
It is spring and they sing from the joy of it,
And though my heart is burned
The voice of their magnificence
Has lightened my load

Some morning I awake
To find myself tittering on the precipice.
Hair-thin strands of faith
Keep me dangling.
In times of strength
I can almost weave them
Into durability;
But I find then snapping
Like a guitar string
I wonder between sanity and psychosis
And though I fear the abyss
This uncertainty
Finds me longing to cut the strings.
How much longer can I endure?
This mind that I remember to be strong
Somehow isn't
And knowing that
Almost frightens me more
Than the dark uncertainty.
When
Did death began to look
Like salvation?

There is strength in the word.
My strength is made perfect in my weakness;
As long as I stay focused on Him.
His grace is all encompassing
And it covers me,
Like a blanket fresh out of the dryer
On a cold chilly night.
His spirit soothes like balm on a fresh cut;
Even though it still hurts,
You know it will get better.
His word is full of promise and direction.
And as long as His word is in me,
He guides my path and gives me hope.
     © 9/1/2000

Great is the Lord our God
Redeemer of all mankind
Eraser of all our sins
Answer to all our prayers
Tied to a cross He died
For us He was crucified
Unworthy of all He’s done
Loved by God’s own Son.
© 5/22/2013

I have a sentence of death upon me
Like every soul alive
I too will have to face it
There's no where to run and hide.
How will I take the journey
Will I overcome and learn
Will I be accepted into heaven
Or cast aside to burn?
Will the character I develop
Be good to human kind
Or will I neglect the the truth
And succumb to a reprobate mind?
I know I've good intentions
But they don't always seem to be enough.
We all are shaped and molded
By the battles that are rough.
I can only hope my sculpture
Will, in the end, be well defined
By a moral strength of character
And a productive state of mind.

Sometimes I see a world of wonder
Sometimes I wonder about what I see;
There’s so very much that I don’t know
Life is such a mystery.
What lies beneath the oceans depths
Or hidden caverns in the earth;
What genetics have been mutated
What new species have given birth?
Does anything live in earth’s molten core
Or thrive in the arctic ice;
I guess knowing in the after life
Is all that will suffice.
God’s such an awesome artisan
To have created such a place;
This world is so amazing,
I want to tell Him face to face.
© 9/26/2013

When you know that life and death are one
And nothing in the space divides;
You realize that you're all alone
There's no place you can run and hide.
Your faults and sins are all your own
You choose to feed which way they grow
Good or bad, what become
Inside, you hold the blame, you know.
You would not, could not dare believe
That life is all it seems to be;
Some higher purpose intertwined
Has built the hope and faith in me.
How could one see the purple haze
As sun retires to the night
Without knowing God is there
And He will aid me in this fight.

Dew drops drip
In a deafening sound
To the fairies and sprites
That are gathered around.
In their minuscule world
That I seldom see,
I'm amazed and surprised
At how much it affects me.
A simple ripple
In the tiniest pond
Can reach to infinity
And beyond.

When I look at the achievements of others lives
I feel like I’ve let myself down.
I’ve earned myself a measly hat
When I could be wearing a crown.
The paths I’ve chosen have been far from right
And I seem to get easily lost,
Instead of feeling vibrant and warm
I feel like I’m covered in frost.
My emotions always feel stifled.
I feel like I’m always held back
I remember as a child being happy
I wonder where I got off track.
I don’t think I even genuinely laugh
And I seldom wear a smile.
Mostly I just cry a lot
But I feel good once in a while.
I’d just like to be happy
And feel like I’m once again whole
To know that I’ve given all I can
Let my energies overflow.
I’d like to find the courage to try
The determination to see it through,
To be able to set some kind of goal
And watch my dreams come true.
By: Linda Duncan
© 8/24/98

Infectious,
It spreads.
The quiet becomes deafening.
What once was peace
Becomes paranoia,
And though I am exhausted,
My eyelids heavy -
The quiet disturbs my peace.

Torn between reading
And wanting to write
Follow their story
Or design my own plight.
How they make it look easy
Each twist and turn
While my chapters and plots
Seem to crash and burn.
I have it planned in my mind
But when it hits the page
It seems to escape
And turn into a rage.
I can't reign in
What I meant to say
It's determined to escape
And find its' own way.
As the paper soaks up
My bleeding pen
I cry revisions
As I begin again.

I could see the shadows dancing round
Ominous and dark
And the silent fluttering of sounds
Inside I felt the mark.
The scar of fright was upon me
I began to see invisible things
Frightful things in the shadows
And the morbid wind began to sing
A sad and lonesome sound
It called out in the night
And the echo that replied
Filled my soul with fright.
The wind began to howl and scream
As it moved about with force;
And for the terrors that it brought
It carried no remorse.
Ripping, crashing, thunderbolts
Smashing things about;
Clinging to the walls I cried,
No one could hear my shout.
When it all was over
And the winds begun to cease,
With the death and devastation
Came an eerie, silent peace.
The winds had crashed their boundaries
Rebelling across the sky;
And the clouds had hopped aboard
Eager for the chance to fly
And through the twisting, turning funnels
They found they had the power;
To bring human kind down to its knees
To watch us as we cowered.
That eerie peace, like a gloating smile
Looked on at what they’d done;
Now let them say that they are gods,
Laughed out the mighty sun.

I walk through the beautiful countryside
I feel the refreshing breeze:
I give God all the glory and honor
As I praise Him on bended knees

I follow the paths that man’s created
Until at some point I see;
There’s more to this world then what meets the eye.
The cross has shown that to me.

I look at the rocks and boulders
And I see how strong they are,
But I stand on a solid foundations
That is so much stronger by far.

Though at times I’m engulfed by the shadows
And it grows darker each minute by sight;
I know I’m not afraid of the shadows
For I know they are cast by the light.

As I walk each path reminds me Lord
To look with spiritual eyes;
Let me show your love and at upon
The needs I realize.

Keep my thoughts upon you Lord
To be encouraging in all I do;
Help me walk humbly to live a righteous life
And to be an example for you.
© 4/25/2015

When the son said "Father
What must I do'
I'll do it no matter the cost."
The Father replied,
"There's only one thing to do
You must follow the road to the cross."

Mocked and scorned and beaten
He gave his life
For the lost;
He did not wish to go
But he followed the road to the cross.

The way to the cross isn't easy
It's narrow and it's straight;
But it's a road that must be taken
If we're to enter Heaven's gate.

You said it was I who made you hurt me
And somehow I thought that it was true.
I accepted the excuses
And I took all the pain
But it took him
To convince me it was you.

He said, "Momma I can help you,"
But I always told him no;
Every time you started in,
I would make him go.

I thought I was a failure.
I was all to blame.
I mimicked your excuses
Couldn't take the shame
Of it all -
It was just another fall.

Just waxed the kitchen
Slid across the floor;
Just couldn't stop myself
From crashing with the door.

Oh, it's really nothing
Just a little black and blue -
But when he looked at me
I knew he knew.

And that small boy was more a man
Then you will ever be;
And it changed that
When he stepped in front of me.

He said, "Momma I can help you."
But I always told him no;
But he stood his ground
This time he wouldn't go.
And I cried when he tumbled to the floor,
It took that little boy
To help me walk out the door;
To say this is it!
I won't take it anymore.

And then I knew I was a failure
And I knew I was to blame;
For standing there  and taking it;
For living with the pain.
And it took that little boy to open up my eyes
And let me see;
I would never let you do to him,
The thing's you did to me.

Transcending into the euphoric dream
I find myself hesitating,
Somehow knowing
This can't be real

And, given the choice

Of ascending into the everyday truth
Of injustice, hatred, death,
And my sinkful of ***** dishes;
I find myself transcending into the euphoric dream.

Black as pitch
And clothed in the night
Hypnotic eyes
Such an eerie sight.

Did I really see
Is there something there?
My eyes can’t find it
But my spirit’s aware.

Running this way and that
I stumble and fall,
I hear it’s approaching
It sounds out it’s call.

I must find safety
It’s closer I fear;
Only the eyes
Let me know that it’s near.

The black wolf is beauty
But its’ danger belies
The souls that it’s captured;
They sound out their cries.

I race toward the light
That shines in the dim;
Where I thought might be safety
Instead, I find him.

Tall, dark, and handsome
Such beauty outside;
But safety alarms me
For the eyes cannot hide.

I look for a moment
In the eyes of a man
Nd suddenly before me
The black wolf stands.

Trapped in his den
I search for escape;
Do I surrender
Or be devoured by hate.

The wolf will take my life
I know;
But if I surrender to the man
He’ll take my soul.

An awesome comradery
A sisterhood for sure;
A genuine feeling of getting along
A love of God so pure.

An excitement of sharing the classes
Of learning more about the Lord;
How to handle life better
A class we can all afford.

Encouraging one another
Sharing the love of Christ;
Building a good foundation
For living a daily life.
© 9/23/2013

With the words now on paper
That once flooded my head
I can finally rest
And lay down to bed.

I couldn’t sleep
I had to write
Though sleep fought hard
It lost the fight.

Words too crammed
They had to escape
I wanted to sleep
but they couldn’t wait.

Let me give unto the point
That it becomes my second nature.
Let me believe until I have no doubt
That what you say is made sure.
Let the tension of every tiny trial
Become a strength to me.
Let the visions that you have
Become the dreams I see.

Feast me Lord upon your word
If I am glutton let it be here,
That I endure whatever comes
That I push through every fear.
Let me not freeze to be ensnared
Or that others might feel pain;
But react quickly to overcome
That victory would be gained.
That only in the time I slow
Would be to wait on thee,
That your reward would be much more
Then I could ever dream.
Let fear of failing never be
Cement to every step
That it would never hold me down
Or stop what I could help.
But let me grow in all my ways
What brings me near to thee;
And cast aside this flesh to be
What you would have me be.