I’m sure it wasn’t easy
Being a teenage mother with child;
It would have been simpler to have aborted me
And had another one after a while.
But you chose right over easy
Stood firm and held your ground;
And even when things got a little rough
You never once backed down.
You sacrificed time after time
To give me the things I needed;
To push me on ahead in lie
To make sure I succeeded.
You made time for the nagging questions
That only a child could ask
You made being a mother
Seem like a simple task.
I’m older now and wiser,
And in the years I’ve grown.
I’m settled down and married
With children of my own.
And being a mother I’ve learned
Is one of the hardest things to do;
And yet I remember throughout the years
It seemed so easy for you.
I remember you always having the time
To put my fears to rest;
Or time to put away your life
And help me on my tests.
I remember things you did without
To buy me shoes or a dress;
You never got impatient
Or treated me like a pest
And I pray that when the years are gone
And my children are grown up too;
They will think half as much of me,
As I’ve come to think of you.
I’ll never forget your sacrifice
Just to bring me into this world;
I just wanted to let you know,
Love always, from your little girl.

What horrors happen in life
To twist the mind
To make it abandon
It's normal confines.
To need to hurt
Or want to ****;
To find some fun
Or perverted thrill.
Looking back some seem
To have had no need
To find violence
A place to feed.
Normal parents
And normal lives;
And yet this is how
They chose to survive.
How could they have done
Such unspeakable acts
Some part of me wants to understand;
But there's that horrible thought
That if I do
I'm afraid that I'll
Have condoned their hand.

I read
What excites,
Soothes,
Or
Makes my blood  boil.

Torn between reading
And wanting to write
Follow their story
Or design my own plight.
How they make it look easy
Each twist and turn
While my chapters and plots
Seem to crash and burn.
I have it planned in my mind
But when it hits the page
It seems to escape
And turn into a rage.
I can't reign in
What I meant to say
It's determined to escape
And find its' own way.
As the paper soaks up
My bleeding pen
I cry revisions
As I begin again.

True evil lurks
We may see what it does;
But it spans the gap
Of what is and what was.

Innocient illusions
Will lure to its web;
And before you’re aware
You’ll be chained to its bed.

Unseen are the demons
You’ll find behind smiles;
Beware of mine
Then a woman’s wiles.

Angers that flare
Pull down walls of trust;
And a desperate soul
Will do what it must.

Only one salvation
Will ever be true;
And it’s lingering there
It’s calling to you.

Beware my friend
Which voice do you hear;
One bathed in hope,
Or one clothed in fear?

Dew drops drip
In a deafening sound
To the fairies and sprites
That are gathered around.
In their minuscule world
That I seldom see,
I'm amazed and surprised
At how much it affects me.
A simple ripple
In the tiniest pond
Can reach to infinity
And beyond.

There comes a time to plant
For the food we need;
A time to harvest
And collect the seed.
Even greenery has
It's appointed time
To take root and grow
To tree or vine.
Even Jesus had a time
To live and die
To spread God's word
To show us why,
There comes a time to harvest
The seed we've sown;
Are you a Christian,
Did you make it known?
Did you share your story
With someone else
Did you feed the needy,
And give them help?
Did you practice the love
That Jesus showed;
Did you help someone
Get out of the cold?
Have you taken the time
To plant and sow?
Harvest is coming near
You know.

Sometimes
I feel like I’m drowning
In the whirlpool of life.
Caught
In the swirling vortex
Occasionally
Getting the chance to breathe
Before I go back under
The drowning weight of life.
Does it ever stop spinning?
I’m sure it must have been tranquil
At one time,
But I can’t seem to remember it.
I want to be happy,
Go with the flow;
But in the toilet of life
I spend most of my time
Trying to stay afloat.

I could see the shadows dancing round
Ominous and dark
And the silent fluttering of sounds
Inside I felt the mark.
The scar of fright was upon me
I began to see invisible things
Frightful things in the shadows
And the morbid wind began to sing
A sad and lonesome sound
It called out in the night
And the echo that replied
Filled my soul with fright.
The wind began to howl and scream
As it moved about with force;
And for the terrors that it brought
It carried no remorse.
Ripping, crashing, thunderbolts
Smashing things about;
Clinging to the walls I cried,
No one could hear my shout.
When it all was over
And the winds begun to cease,
With the death and devastation
Came an eerie, silent peace.
The winds had crashed their boundaries
Rebelling across the sky;
And the clouds had hopped aboard
Eager for the chance to fly
And through the twisting, turning funnels
They found they had the power;
To bring human kind down to its knees
To watch us as we cowered.
That eerie peace, like a gloating smile
Looked on at what they’d done;
Now let them say that they are gods,
Laughed out the mighty sun.

I walk in darkness
But not alone.
I find myself
Bumping into pain
Stabbed with confusion
Crying in the darkness
With only the sound of my own sorrow
To break the silence.

Fear shrouds in like a mist
Until terror takes over.
And, through my tears
I look at the enclosing shadows;
And, strange as it may seem,
I find hope
Knowing they are cast
By the light.

Surviving through
Another night of pain
Having only myself to blame.
Not being careful
Or noticing enough
Is why I’m having to endure this stuff
Ever ache and pain
Has a piggy back;
Cause diabetes catches hold
And throws everything off track.
What might be a little pain in my thigh
Will also jump to my stomach without knowing why,
So many pains that can’t be explained
Except to say you’re diabetes;
You can search high and low
For the answer to know.
But you might as well just forget it
There’s no understanding reasoning why
Pain accelerates til you just want to cry
You try to manage but mostly you endure
And you pray everyday
That they just find a cure.
     © 3/4/2013

On the verge of unbelieving
That Heave can exist;
For depressions pull is strong
Not so easy to resist
The constant toil of daily life
Is a struggle at its best;
But every life is filled with hardships
As we journey on our quest.
It isn’t what you want in life
Like wishing on a star;
It’s how you deal with what life gives you
That determines who you are.
So I’ve quit thinking every obstacle
Is a hazard in my path
I’ve quit blaming everyone else and God
For the failures that I have.
I’ve determined if life is better
I’ll have to make it for myself;
I’ll work hard for things I want
Not counting on any help.
If I’m down, I’ll lift up myself
By doing things that I enjoy;
If it makes me feel like laughing
Then mud cakes will be my toy.
I’ll cast off the worldly standards
Of what’s socially right to do;
And live my life for me, this round
And what it takes to get me through.

One of these days
Where nothing’s right
A ******* up memory
With which to fight.
Forgetting things
I shouldn’t have
Hating how
It’s got so bad.
Causing trouble and confusion
For everyone else.
God please help me to be able
To help myself.
Between appointments missed
And kitchen fires
I feel like a circuit
With messed up wires.
I need to know
What I shouldn’t forget;
Dear God could you please
Just help me with it.
     © 4/15/2013

When my life is gone at last
Don’t dredge up all the past;
I’ve forgotten every wrong
In this world they don’t belong.
Heaven’s gates are void of pain,
No more crying in the rain;
No more loss of hope
No more struggling to cope.
Only faith and love
Are centered in the world above.
And if by chance I don’t get in
It’s not your fault I live in sin.
It was my choice to choose.
It’s up to me to win or lose.
Everything in life’s a risk
A chance you take or miss.
Let it slide or take a voice,
You’re the one who makes the choice.
If there’s joy at the end or pain
You’ve only yourself to blame.
You can’t escape the consequence
Of a chance you’ve lost or missed.
No one ever said life is fair
You have to be the one to care.
By: Linda Duncan
©1/13/2002

Great is the Lord our God
Redeemer of all mankind
Eraser of all our sins
Answer to all our prayers
Tied to a cross He died
For us He was crucified
Unworthy of all He’s done
Loved by God’s own Son.
© 5/22/2013

Upon blank pages
I exercise my emotions
Worries, loves, hates,
Indecision, insecurities;
All those things
That threaten
To explode to the surface
Like a worn punching bag.
These blank pages
Accept in silence
All those emotions
That threaten to consume me,
And when the last word is written
And the last period placed,
The overwhelming burden
Was somewhat lighter
And from what became therapy,
Poetry emerged.

I fell like I’m being
Spied on or stalked
Maybe I’m being laughed at
Or mocked.
I feel like someone’s
Playing with my mind
It’s like fear and excitement
Both combined.
Suddenly afraid:
Paranoid
I felt like I was in the middle
Of a deep dark void.
Constantly searching
For the unknown force
And still unable
To find the source.
Nerves are shattered
Imagination runs wild;
Jumping to conclusions
Like a little child.
For a logical explanation
I’m racking my brain.
I feel like I’m dreaming
Or going insane.

With the words now on paper
That once flooded my head
I can finally rest
And lay down to bed.

I couldn’t sleep
I had to write
Though sleep fought hard
It lost the fight.

Words too crammed
They had to escape
I wanted to sleep
but they couldn’t wait.

I find happiness in my dreams
I'm sure I do, or so it seems.
In dreams I feel and fly and sing
In dreams I do most everything.

I'm strong as an oak
And all things I know,
And I can go wherever
I long to go.

There's no limitations
No holds barred;
And this earthly vessel
Is a beauty unscarred.

And this soul that cried out
Sometimes at night;
Is filled with joy
And void of fright.

All those things I long to do
In dreams they really do come true.
That loving adventurous person I wish to be,
In my dreams' reflection is always me.

Let me give unto the point
That it becomes my second nature.
Let me believe until I have no doubt
That what you say is made sure.
Let the tension of every tiny trial
Become a strength to me.
Let the visions that you have
Become the dreams I see.

Help puts a smile
On another’s face
Help lends the helper
God’s gift of grace.
When you feel all alone
With now way to cope;
God sends a helper
To lend you some hope.
     © 8/18/2000

My world is better because of you
I thought that you should know.
You keep me sage and give me strength
Where ever we may go.
You work so hard to provide for me
And sometimes I forget to be grateful
And sometimes I’m just a pain in the ****,
Who doesn’t realize she’s being hateful.
I know I take you for granted
But I’m glad that you’re my man;
You’re the one who takes care of me
When life gets out of  hand.
You encourage me to do more
Then I could ever do myself
And I pray that I am there for you
When ever you need help.
I want to be the one to give you strength
To be the shoulder you lean on;
To always be there by your side
No matter what may come.
I need you to know I love you.
I need you to know I care;
About our lifetime of commitment,
And the love that we both share.
     © 1/9/2013

Infectious,
It spreads.
The quiet becomes deafening.
What once was peace
Becomes paranoia,
And though I am exhausted,
My eyelids heavy -
The quiet disturbs my peace.

Chiseled memories
Once new and unforgettable
Now pounded away
By the rapid waters of life.
They float through my mind
Like a misty fog.
Sometimes I feel like I could reach out
And grab hold,
But the clarity slips through my fingers
Like vapor.
How could I have forgotten,
Things I never wanted to forget?
Is senility creeping in,
Or have I forgotten that too?
Age,
It just has a way of undermining
Your grasp with reality.

When I look at the achievements of others lives
I feel like I’ve let myself down.
I’ve earned myself a measly hat
When I could be wearing a crown.
The paths I’ve chosen have been far from right
And I seem to get easily lost,
Instead of feeling vibrant and warm
I feel like I’m covered in frost.
My emotions always feel stifled.
I feel like I’m always held back
I remember as a child being happy
I wonder where I got off track.
I don’t think I even genuinely laugh
And I seldom wear a smile.
Mostly I just cry a lot
But I feel good once in a while.
I’d just like to be happy
And feel like I’m once again whole
To know that I’ve given all I can
Let my energies overflow.
I’d like to find the courage to try
The determination to see it through,
To be able to set some kind of goal
And watch my dreams come true.
By: Linda Duncan
© 8/24/98

God guide this day
With your blessing and grace;
Judge not with justice
But put mercy in its place.
Look not to the doings
But to the intent of the deed;
Let our thoughts be guided
By your planted seed.
When confusion sets in
Lord send us your peace.
The one that passes understanding
And sends comfort through grief.
When worthlessness and depression
Come knocking at my door;
Lord double the reinforcements
That weren’t there before.
When the voices say that no one loves you
Help me remember that’s not true;
When all the world has turned against me
Let me know there’s trust in you.
When my prayers feel like no one’s coming
And I cannot hear your voice;
Let me see past circumstances,
Let having faith always be my choice.
     © 9/12/2003

Lord help me not to falter
In the faith I have for you
To know you can accomplish
All you said that you could do.
To know I only have to ask
And in my heart believe
That you in your wisdom
Will supply my every need.

You have no idea the relief it is
When depression goes away
Especially when I look back to remember
Just how long it stayed.
Years and years of medicines
Though none really did the trick.
I zoned out like a zombie,
Or else they made me sick.
I would cry myself to sleep at night
and pray for death each day.
I even thought to end it all
But God had a better way.
I stepped out of my comfort zone
In obedience to Him;
And immediately the depression left,
I was no longer overwhelmed.
It weighs you down so heavy
That you’re buried in the pain.
You hurt from all the aching
Til you think you’re insane.
So, when those imps of satan leave you
It’s amazing how you feel;
When God lift’s that crushing burden
You know at once it’s real.
No more thoughts of dying.
I don’t cry myself to sleep
I joy in all the promises
I know that He will keep.
And even though there’s hardships
My spirit is at rest;
With God, I am an over comer
And through Him I am blessed.
     © 4/22/2013

Black as pitch
And clothed in the night
Hypnotic eyes
Such an eerie sight.

Did I really see
Is there something there?
My eyes can’t find it
But my spirit’s aware.

Running this way and that
I stumble and fall,
I hear it’s approaching
It sounds out it’s call.

I must find safety
It’s closer I fear;
Only the eyes
Let me know that it’s near.

The black wolf is beauty
But its’ danger belies
The souls that it’s captured;
They sound out their cries.

I race toward the light
That shines in the dim;
Where I thought might be safety
Instead, I find him.

Tall, dark, and handsome
Such beauty outside;
But safety alarms me
For the eyes cannot hide.

I look for a moment
In the eyes of a man
Nd suddenly before me
The black wolf stands.

Trapped in his den
I search for escape;
Do I surrender
Or be devoured by hate.

The wolf will take my life
I know;
But if I surrender to the man
He’ll take my soul.

I love to turn on PBS
And find Bob Ross
Painting a perfect picture.
I see strong bold mountains in the background;
Tall trees reaching the roof of the canvas,
And brilliant cascading waterfalls
Pounding against the rocks.
The roar of rushing water so loud
I can scarcely hear my heartbeat.
I can almost envision a hidden cavern
Behind the falls in the crevice of the rocks.
The pool of rushing white foam
Fans out into a liquid blue.
A small grove of wild berries
Grow along the bushes near the rocks.
Beautiful dogwoods of lavender and white
Spot across the meadow.
And a small beautiful weeping willow
Lets the edge of its branches
Float about the water.
It looks so beautiful and inviting,
So safe within the confines of the canvas.
And I’ve seen the absolutely awesome portraits
That God himself has created.
But I find myself weary
Of sticking my naked feet into the waters
Knowing that even in God’s beauty
Something might be slithering under the surface.
    
© 8/1/2003

If all were fair and just in the world
Maybe there would be peace.
If the world had wisdom and understood
Maybe the fighting would cease.
If all men had sympathy and caring
Maybe no child would live unfed.
If life held no pain or sorrow
No tears would need be shed.
If all could be humble and meek
Then pride would not stand in our way,
There would be no ambitions to to drive us
No temptations to cause us to stray.
If each soul could be filled with laughter
There could be joy in each heart.
If all men could be brethren
Then each man could feel a part.
If at any time your life is this
Then your life is rare.
And the world could be like this
If the world were just and fair.

There is strength in the word.
My strength is made perfect in my weakness;
As long as I stay focused on Him.
His grace is all encompassing
And it covers me,
Like a blanket fresh out of the dryer
On a cold chilly night.
His spirit soothes like balm on a fresh cut;
Even though it still hurts,
You know it will get better.
His word is full of promise and direction.
And as long as His word is in me,
He guides my path and gives me hope.
     © 9/1/2000

Sinking in the shadows
Inside I hear a cry;
Now is the time to stand and fight
Not the time to hide.
Your battles are not flesh and blood
But demons stalking you;
They try their best to keep you down
They'd love to **** you too.
But do not fear for you have friends
There's angels by your side;
Fiercely they protect you
So you can stand with pride.
Our God would never let you face
A battle you can't win,
He's always there to help you
On Him you can depend.

Transient confusion
Senility kicking in;
Who knows.
In the beginning
There was purpose.

Red brick houses
One after another,
No deviation from the form.

Then
I spy the odd one;

The misfit
The outcast
Finally,
someone who thinks for themselves.

God makes a way
To overcome every battle
God makes a way
He’ll see me though
Every I face
My God can erase
And He’ll do the same thing
For you.
By: Linda Duncan
© 6/24/2016

Tempestuous desires find me dawdling
On my dim view of reality.
I’m fighting desperately against the feelings
But I find myself attracted to your personality.
The things you say are scandalous.
I should be filled with disgrace;
Yet my heart is palpitating
To see the hunger on your face.
You whisper needs into my ear.
Your breath on my neck sends a shiver;
Which makes me more afraid I wonder
Whether you will or won’t deliver.
I can’t concentrate with the feel
Of you breathing down my neck;
My body’s turning against me
And I’m losing self-respect.
How low have you sunk when it doesn’t matter
Whether it’s friend or foe
Whose teasing touches titillate your body
Until you can’t say no.
     ©7/30/2003

Childhood memories
More pleasant than I remembered.
Growing up
I thought they were all bad.
It’s almost laughable to realize
I had no idea how bad
Bad could be.

As a child I felt alone rejected
Only true blood could be counted upon.
With everyone else I was always
Looking over my shoulder
Not paranoid so much as sensitive
To the spirits of those around me.
I learned to follow those instincts
To survive.
Instincts that keep you safe
Even from those you love.

But at least when I was young
There were friends at school.
Someone to share the secrets with.
Who am I kidding;
I kept my secrets.
I’ve never really trusted.
Therein, of course,
Being the root of my problem.

Childhood friend have gone.
Not a one remains to talk to
Co-workers are just that.
Outside of work they don’t exist
As I don’t exist to those around me.

My epitaph will probably read,
Who was she?
I think I’ve even forgotten
How to make friends.
I don’t even bother with the effort.
Out of sight, out of mind.
I am content to be alone.
Although I wish it weren’t so.
I would open up and enjoy
If I could just remember how.
    © 7/31/2003

I hate that pain sees to shake my faith.
I’m afraid to pray for healing
When I have
And it doesn’t seem to be working.
I know there is a God
And he can do all things
I’ve seen it;
So what is wrong with me?
I use to be sure my faith was strong enough
I even quit my meds
But obviously that didn’t work.
My faith must not be strong enough.
God teach me how to make it stronger,
Help me figure it out.
You’re the only one who can make miracles happen.
     © 4/15/2013

I find in meditation
The realization
That classification
Is only in relation
To my determination.