I walked a long time
yet when I snapped back
to the place I was standing
I saw I had only managed
a few steps
but that's a few steps I never took
before

my eyes keep shifting to the right
and I'm pulled to look at the road
transported
to this frigid piece of time
stuck, aching as it tries to move it's hand
down and force the seconds on
I'm not fooled, I know it's lost
in thought
just begging the world around to
hold their breath
so for the first time ever the moment could remain
unrushed and untouched
by anything other than
the past

like a fool I allow this
electricity in the air to
buzz and collapse into my
thoughts
and my heart starts reciting
a funny joke
that sounds like this:

"so this girl was sitting on
a curb
at this old campus
in the shadow trees cast
from the stars
and she kept looking
                                           right
and she kept looking
                                           right
this girl saw
these trees and these lights
and they acknowledged she was there
like a fine gentleman would tip
his hat
and she kept looking
                                           right
with some odd inclination that
she would find what she was
looking for
funny huh?"


I let my chin fall to my chest and
stared at all the pavement under my shoes
it was solid
I reached to shake the hand
of the fine gentleman's mighty branch and
it was solid
the metal railings, the reserved parking signs
all solid

I gulped in
buckets of icy electricity-
felt it stir inside
I can hear it humming
and it sparked this idea that

I'm solid too

****** eyes enjoy fragmenting
dissonance above her tongue,
like the last regard of bids and
oiled bye's.

A facet mirrors a ruby glimmer,
the final of my curve
grimaced upon staggering eyelids.

And would you even dare
to pocket the ***** of the future,
slipping in surprising residue?

There are no empty reflections,
ones you hold in curled fists--

--at least, not for tonight.

Press my pen to this blank canvas.
Let the words flow out like the blood of a freshly opened wound.
Just cut a little deeper, dig a little further.
Tap into a passion, raw and uncut.
Don't think. Just feel.

I
tango
    through life,
     every  step
                         you
                          have
                                   taught

Inside of my throat there is this place I call church

This is how I pray

Through repetition

Of awkward self destruction

The beer in my belly

Bulging with pendulous weight

Adds momentum for fists to strike

Strike walls

Strike steering wheels

Strike faces in bouts of anger

I get lost most days

Inside of my head

And I pray

This is how I pray

On my knees

Inside of a tub

While water washes over me

The steam mixes with my sweat

And takes it away

I don’t believe in god

But I know

With all my heart

That if I did not come from something sacred

Then I could not tell you I love you

And mean it

This is how I pray

With knives in bellies

Cutting out psalms

They look like

Gnarled black tumors

Humming contently

And fade like

Lip shushed fingertips

Begging for the quiet

Listen

This is my church

And this is how I pray

You are welcome to stay

Mostly because I am not fit to judge anyone

I just want you to know

That sacred feels like skin

Draped over bone

Looking like a sad science project

And it’s the closest thing to perfect

Any of us will ever get