i bite my tongue often
regularly grind my teeth
like butterflies, they slip out of your fingers
right as you caught them
they want you to bury it all beneath
and ignore what hollow ache lingers

hurtful words spew from a once-love's lips
my jaw aches
the ego stays intact
don't know where my bones will fit
live with my mistakes
the time has come to face the facts

misuse of vibrant words
wasted on the deaf
tell me, have you heard
about how my life is just a mess?

I know I have
my share of problems
& it doesn't get any easier
not being able
to wrap your arms around me,
to pull my fingers
through your nice hair.

You were always
a natural high for me,
rock steady,
trustworthy,
my healthy dose of lust.

I trust you are well
& will always wish you
the best
in everything that you do,
even if
or if
you never
think about me, too.

Every time you
tap another key,
post another word,
give me more stanza,
you sink deeper,
place your heart
on the line
with mine.

'Cause I read
everything
you put out
& I imagine
your delicate fingers
tracing my own stories
of loneliness &
broken hearts.

You're so fine,
a genuine poet.

I stumbled upon a most beautiful poem
It made me cry, and smile and pretend
I don't ever want to have such loss known
I wept all the way, to the very end

then I read it again and again

We have all felt it, tasted its poison
tried to stay tight lipped without drinking
It's bittersweet kiss tends to destroy us
pores contract as it leeches through thinking

I seek surcease as I demand
another shot of being ******

So to the note, left at the end

Let the candy of such sublime memories
melt upon a tongue that never denies
For none of us will ever simply, be free
but we can sweeten our blood
with remembrance to good times

*good times

My mind is a constant jumble-****
Of emotions.
Questions.
To-do lists.
Taboos.
Fantasies.
Realities.
Secrets.
I get side tracked
And confused
When I try to voice my concerns
Because I'm concerned on how
What leaves my mouth
Will enter the ears of the ones around me.
How insane will this make me sound?
And sometimes the words flow
Jumping from my throat,
Trapped too long inside.
I need to express all that goes on!
It's been too long,
Since pen has touched paper
Intimately...
Lately I write what needs to be said
But only in the sense of
responsibility.
Emotionally I'm a mess;
Sensibly too.
I'm insensitive to my own being
Simply because I censor myself
for the "need" of others
The need I place for them.
I'm so concerned that I will offend
Off put,
Miss represent,
Everything about me
In a single sentence...
But the crazy seeps out
One way or another.
My tongue will dance
With the devil I have convinced
Myself that is truth.
I'm so afraid of who I am really,
I've made up another being
Who is me
And not me
Or at least who I used to be
Who I am no longer
But whom I still
too often, long for.
Lusting after what I worked so hard
to be free of.
The shackles still whispered on my arms.
The temptation to dive
Undeniably out of control
In order to feel
Complete control
Understanding
Emotions.
Questions.
Taboos.
Fantasies.
Rea­lities.
And those extremely tasty secrets.

I spent my nights
on the sharpest edges,
imbibed supernatural fixes
to break ice,
make things seem better,
feel all nice.

On Kashmiri-tempo,
I looked for a cowgirl
in the sand with every day
one of intense celebration.
Bad to the bone was
the motto of logical songs.
Dust in the wind
& free birds never lied,
I cried in the cane break,
zig zagged through ghostland,
lived in
the twilight zone,
a young Turk
in love with radar,
alone on
Heaven's stairway.

my room sighs with the loss of you
the love it saw between cold sheets
lingers no more
the pillow sobs its last
when it realizes it will hold your head no longer
blankets curl up, lonely
knowing it will not wrap around you again

your warm skin felt like the summer breeze
every cell sang in unison
for the passion they recalled
your mouth is a sea of irrevocable mistakes
just give me one more taste

your fingers in and around me
played me like the puppet i am
where guilty pleasures are all we know
the crack of hollow bones

my body is useless
without yours beside it