Beneath the earth
There's a network
Of age old connectionlines
Each contributing to Oneness
And as our hearts and souls meet
They see that the connection
Between our souls
Was there all along

If there's been a lifetime
Where I've had to fight
For my God given right to be sane,
Then this must be it.
It's a lifetime that contains within it
A constant silver lining.

It's not because I've suffered
That that should hinder me.
The clean-up just takes more time.
More persistence and faith
To wash the dirt off my worn hands.

And as I gaze out of the window
Of the large office building
Which somehow stumbled
On to my winding path,
I see cranes and constructions.
Humanity's lego blocks,
Reflections of our deepest selves.

I smile and come to realise
Somehow, this view
Looks much like myself...
Always building, never giving up
Always on the look out
For better solutions and structures.
It must have been
Humanities gift to me...

The orange winter sun
Caresses this view
And with it
It caresses my broken hands.

I watch intently as the flower petals
Unfold under my amazed gaze
Streching as if they were waking up
From a deep long slumber
Blooming in fast forward before me
And then they withered
Lost their life energy
And quitly died

I spend my time
Strolling back and forth
The shopping street
Not wanting to go home
As though there's something
To be found

I've watched a robbery
In a cigarette store
For the value of 17€
I smiled and tipped
The lady 12€ to help her
As she sobbed
Her fear away

I gave my coffee and a cigarette
To a homeless woman
And strolled around
Looking for the young girl
The homeless girl
With a puppy in her arms
Intending to dump out
My coin section in to her cup
As if the 7€ I gave her the other day
Wasn't enough

I've had lengthy conversations
With my cat
Who is not at all pleased
That we moved
He doesn't like
The new cats in this house
Mostly because he's scared
Continuesly complaining
That the water I gave him
Doesn't taste good
He wants a fountain instead

I've found all the Signs now
And I came to understand
That I did the same thing to you
As I did to the person who went before you.
The billboard said:
"Will we understand each other better?"
The ring that displayed an anchor
Whispered that I'm stuck
In still waters
I cried at the loss of you

If only I had understood
What I understand now.
And yes eye contact is still an issue
But maybe your eyes are not
That scary now
Maybe I'd spill all my emotions now
As though knowing
I cannot hide them anyway.
If only I had known better then.

Creating a problem
For every solution

Quote: "when I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say: I used everything you gave me"

Only in my dreams
Do I encounter
Branches with real pearls
Rolling down
In a spring breeze

From the depth
Of my gut
I wish to make it real
To build it up
From whatever meets
My expectation

But then I wonder
If I make this
How real will it be?
It was not created
By the vast evolution
We have been subjected to

or was it
perhaps the fact that I'm creating it, is evolution in it's own right*

Overthinking my creative process
Killjoy.
I could draw it
And I did.
It was beautiful
Exactly like in my dream

I could build it from
A real branch
Attach pearls to it
But then would it not be
Totally kitch

Bah- kitch!

I could make it from clay
Yeah. No.
I could sing it's perfection
Maybe it sounds like
A high note
Or the piano...
Can't play the piano.
Can sing though...

Maybe!
I could wait for spring
And take a picture
Of raindrops on tree branches
But it's not the same!
Putting away my Nikon.

Maybe
I'll write a poem
About having
all the talent in the world
And not being able
To express my own imagination.

Cruel irony.

3 children in overalls
Tiny mittens on their small hands
And red wool knitted hats
It's -25*C and snow covers the land
Frozen in fine layers
White dust beneath the hard shell

It's Dad's weekend
He forgot to pick them up
But mum is flexible and drove them over
Mum says to wait downstairs
The girls sit in the snow
Buiding the world's biggest snowcastle

Maybe when dad wakes up
He can shovel up the snow
And give advice on the structure
Mum is kicking the door
Still no answer, he sure is a good sleeper
But then Lisa had enough

Stand back mum I'll wake him up
There he peeked from behind the curtain
Now open the door.
Stop playing and open up
Dad open the door
C'mon girls, dad's not home

Dad is home, I saw him argued Lisa
I'm never coming back, Lauren decided
And I'm going to wait here until he comes out, said Daisy
Sorry girls, I mixed up the days

Am I overthinking this?
You took me to a game center
And we played a board game
You bought all the drinks
And didn't want to split the cheque
You said it several times
"Nothing, you're just cute"
We've been friends for years
And my alarm system goes off
You've done this before
With another girl
I remember you telling me about it
You wanted to know
If she was compatible with you
Are you trying to lure me in to a date
Without asking me out?

You stood in the middle of a Cathedral
In the center of the Nave
Wondering how it was built
lovers kissing in a confessional
Light soaring in
Through the Rose Window
Filtering colors on the floor
Crafted with such care
Illustrating a witch burning
Sacré Dieu, Blasphemy!
Angels wheeping at the cruelty of man
A dream-like setting, bells chiming
Defying their purpose
Chiming ever so softly

The arches gracefully curving above you
A Saint standing in each Chapel
The echo here is beyond compare
Vast choirs caressing these walls with their voices
A white dove crosses the Choir
Landing in the North Transept
A sign of purity, the grace of God
This is my mind
And you wonder why I left the witch faceless
But how does one portray
100,000 faces?

"I'm going to have to fail you for 2-dimensional art" he says disappointed, marks a 4 in his book and moves on.

There's a soft sensation
On my lips
I feel it daily now
That convinces me
That you are not rough
Better yet you are not fast
In your movements
You move slowly
Reaching each cell within me
With your intense
Yet gentle energy

There's a subtle hint
In the energies
Now bursting toward me
That tell me
How much care
You would put in your caress
As the images
Send a sensation down my blouse
And a compressed tingle
Up my thighs

Carefully I direct my attention
Elsewhere
Always elsewhere

There's a soft caress
Running up my back
A hand that looks
Just like yours
A lighting bolt
That silently emits
From your fingertips
Wish I could touch it
But it moves in to me
As you move in to me

*And I nearly feel your pulse...

Dear Ebony,

I've watched you struggle
I've heard your frustration
And girl I get it
But let me tell you this

**** "Becky with the good hair"
Let your natural beauty
Come forth as it is
For it is truly
One of natures marvels
Wear your hair
The way you want it
But never forget
That you don't have to do anything
To enhance yourself
You're exquisite the way you are.
Don't worry about them lips
They're a jewel
On your royal features
Don't worry about the trousers
If they don't fit
Your beautifully curvatious body
The trousers are no match to you.
And **** the system
Wear that afro
And rock your the **** out
Of your flawless genes.

You're amazing,
Love,
The white girl

A message each morning
And one in the evening
Someone to confide in
A fresh breath of honesty
A quick sense of humor
The laughter long gone
Echoes in the distance
No guilt and no worries
You are so rushed
Patience is running out
The days grow darker
Just like you
The ashtray gets
Its fair share of cigarettebuds

We waited
...and waited
...and waited

And then you pressed delete
The ashtray broke
The negativity is gone

The creepy dental girls
That's what they called us
They gave us the same looks
As kids did when I studied Latin
But we were just technicians
Dental technicians

And why I ever gave it up
I cannot explain to myself
But the will is within my eyes
And the craft within
My fingertips
I smiled at the first crown
I had seen in more than a year

I know what you're made of
What build you
And what will break you
I know you

We always said:
You need to be all for it
And it will work out fine...
Other wise you're wasting your time.

There was a depth
In your eyes
A dimension undiscovered
I guess that's what I wanted
There was an over exposure
To the depth of your heart
And the cruelty of man
Indeed the man
For I've never seen a woman
Do such a thing
But perhaps it's my expirience only
And perhaps it was not
What you intended
Perhaps there are lessons
To learn as to why
You continue to appear
In the depths of my mind
After all these months
I still have no peace
Not from you
However I have made peace
With not having you
Giving up sends me
In to the deepest end of the pool
Ironically there's nothing
Nothing else to do
Than to give up.
So then what?
Should I believe
In fairy tales?

The whispers never tell me
What to think but rather
Ask me questions
Untill I find the right answer.

*In to the Valley of Death rode the six hundred

I've been wondering about you
Why, I wouldn't know for the life of me.
There is a crack in your heart
That's almost visible to the naked eye.
There's a crack on your face
But the way I see you
It only makes you more perfect.
There's true beauty within
You're perfectly balanced vessel,
Yet I wonder how the scars got there.
And when you bleed,
Do you bleed red and white?
Like I bleed blue and white?
Or does your loyalty lie somewhere else?
Do you love the earth that grew you?
Do you live within your nation's pride?
Like I will always live within mine.
Is there a hair fine difference
Within what your heart tells you
And what your mind tells you?
Is there one thousand questions within your mind too?
Can there ever be enough curiosity
For what your heart holds?
Is it tied to someone else
Or is it roaming as free
As you like people to think you are?
Is it easy to be a man?
I bet it is
Sure should be easier than being a woman.
But then again,
How would I know
What responsabilities this world
Has cast down to your sholders.
Do you carry them with pride and honor
Or do you sometimes
Collapse like I do?
Is there as much love within you
As what reaches my eyes,
As I let my eyes secretly
Caress the features on your face.
How did you get to be
So robustly beautiful?

Be more Yin*
I heard a whisper in my heart
In my head, in my gut.
Suppose when you hit rock bottom
Any suggestion can help.

I loved myself for what seemed
Like the first time
Sure I had thought I loved myself
But this was different.
There was acceptance
For my mistakes and flaws.
There were soft words in my mouth.

There came to pass
A deep lack of fear.
And a question as to why.
I wondered where it all came from.
What if I lost everything?
Would it **** me?
No.
What I need is a matter
Of an individual perspective.
Do I need what I think I need?

And what if it did **** me?
Would I notice?
No.
Would others notice?
Sure, but they will one day
Die too.
Would they miss me?
Yes but will it **** them?
No.

Come to think of it...
The worst thing that could happen to me
Has already come to pass
More times than I care to remember.
But did I die?
No.
So in conclution...
The worst thing that could happen to me
Doesn't really exist.

It's a figment of my imagination.

Me, you, he, she, they we
Table, stool, cup, plate, tea
A green hill and a flock of sheep

I said there were 75 a pack
You counted 71,
And 4 watching your back.

Two months with you
I got lazy and fat,
Got a funny accent too.

Taught me french for a week or two
And multiplied numbers
5x5 is 25, threw a tandrum too!

And yer right, I shoulnd’t rearrange yer stuff.

How it really feels?
How it feels to be spiritual?
Suppose it feels
Less like a prison
That we would call the body
Suppose I feel
That my energy is limitless

Suppose it feels
Like being everywhere at the same time.
But there's no chaos.
And sometimes when I close my eyes
I see all these people
From all over the world
I watch their lives
And smile without
A hint of judgement
Just love.

That's what being a servant is about; they need that judgementless smile

What a Message sounds like?
I suppose it feels
Like someone is
Gently blowing in my hair
At times I feel God
There's golden light
Within my body
That I've come to see as
More like a permeable membrane.

And sometimes
I feel various energies
Close to my body
"Are you coming? Can you please help me?"
Without hesitation
The strength of my essence
Replies by extending
A part of me
To the conflict
That needs attention.
My mind rarely watches it
But I know I'm serving
On some level.

As I sit upon this great stone
I take in the majestic view
It is not a view on the mountaintop
But much smaller indeed
Quiet and humble in it's existance
It's merely a view seen from this rock
That's stood here since the Ice Age
Slowly melting under the elements
But majestic nevertheless
I wonder and speculate in silence

Would this very rock
That looks so large in my eyes
Once have been
But a small pebble under the Ice
Before all these countless trees grew here
I close my eyes and picture
This forest without all its treasures
Then build it up slowly again
In the depths of my limited mind

These trees so tall and evergreen
Produce gasses and chemicals
And as they spit out their oxygen
Tirelessly in vast amounts
As the sun gazes upon them
The air becomes purer
So pure in fact
That a strange grey-greenish beard
Celebrates it's existance
On the barks of these giants

The countless lakes mirror their surroundings
As the drowsy sun paints them orange
Laying itself to sleep beyond the horizon
And as the sea has its own scent
So do these lakes
They leave an indescribable scent
On the skin of the human bathing in it
Leaving her hear soft and lush

The last rays of the sun
Force their way through openings
In the ceiling of this forest
Creating lightbeams
Seemingly rising from the forest floor
Absolute silence aside from my slowly beating heart
I strech my weary wings
Straighten my feathers
Close my eyes forever
And acknowledge that my time is up at last

Saturday, to work for an hour
It's surgery day
I know you don't care
But I'm sure
We can find other things to do
In the weekend

Regardless here we are
I watch you cut open the gums
And start drilling a whole
Piece by piece
You open up the gap
I know the principal from
My days in mechanics

Each time I see you here
In the operation room
You do something
To affirm your dominance
Last time you threw
A carpule, needle included
At the non-sterile assistant

This time you invade the space
Of the sterile assistant
Making her have to assume
The most unergonomic position
I could possibly imagine.
Yeah who cares
We're just assistants
No high degree

In a flash I hear it again
As I watch you
Do things that the technician
Within me, does not agree with
the first thing mechanics do
With a plan from the ingeneer
Is tear it down

Here I'll be the mechanic:
One does not put
Two implants to support
A bridge of four elements!
But hey you're the boss
Have it your way.

What is it like
For you to comnect
To another person?

Your hands do all the right things
Your body responds in the right way

I can feel your caress
It means nothing to me

Two empty shells
Protecting an empty home

You're so full of life
I'm so inspired

Yet nothing to prove your content
Ever escapes your lips

Or maybe I just stopped listening
Maybe you just stopped talking

Maybe it's nobody's fault
Maybe...

It's time to let it go.

I heard your voice
As you playfully
Hopped by
Not even remotely surprised
As I had fealt your energy near
For the past few days
I knew I'd see you somewhere

I looked at her
The girl you were with
She looked just like me
No reference just a coincidence
She even felt like me
As younger version
As she growled the words
"Man *****"

I sighed at you
The way I always do
It's not the right time to tell you
I just smiled at her
Frowned at you
And casually confirmed.
My dear young friend
Lessons on evolution #1:

You have trained yourself
This big indeed to attract a woman
It is widely known that
Women often perfer the alpha male
But consider in to your calculations
That men have evolved to
Protect the mother and the offspring
You do not come off reliable
When it is widely known
That you are in fact a man *****.

Evolutionary trait #2:
Women talk
The rootcause for this
Is the safety and quality of
Indeed the offspring.
If you display undesired behavior
You're in danger of never finding a girl.
Because... Women talk.
As nice as I know you are
And as intelligent and kind
That **** doesn't fly with anyone.
Get your **** together.

I reached out to you
And you smiled
You offered your support
I just needed a boost
Dad, don't help me stand
"You can't stand on your own"
I turned around
And there!
I was standing
All by myself!
A soft pull on the back on my overall
A feeling of betrayal
Dad, I said don't help me stand
As though he heard me
He let go
And I fell.

Exceptional memory

There have not been alot
Of instances
Where "sorry"
Was not enough
Sure I'm stubbon
And unyielding
But "sorry"
Has been enough
For my loved ones too
I've had alot of things
To be sorry for.

Granted, honestly
I've never been easy
But in all honesty
I've never been easier
To deal with than I am now.
I've come to believe in excuses
I've come to believe
That there's a good reason
For every single mistake

I just need to fill the gap
With the reason
Why it happened in the first place.
Heaven doesn't judge you
So why would I?
I truly believe in excuses.
Just need to hear them
To make peace
So I can let my guard down again.

Because when I know
You're sorry,
I will know that you won't
Do it again.
There's no punishment
There's no revenge.
Just an action
And a reason for it's existance.

I'm so proud of you, she whispered and hugged me
It was like graduation day, the kind I never had

The first time I was so caught up with getting away
And the second time was filled with tears of injustice

Miraculously you graduated after all
And today I may have graduated too

We're all here to learn yet it feels more like
A huge family gathering of unrelated people

None of you is related to me or each other
Yet we are all family, if not in blood then in bond

Two great women stand before us
"Hi mum" my soul whispered

And it doesn't matter which of you hears it
Both are equally true

A lightbeam came down to your crown
As your gentle fingers caressed the keys
I knew it would be extraordinary
You bowed your head and smiled
I sat on the edge of my seat

Then as if someone was whispering notes
In to your ear, you played
My heart tore open and I smiled
With my whole being
Tears ran down my face
Soft, happy tears

What your music told me
Will remain a mystery
Sure I could ask
But I'd rather not know
In stead I will come to hear you play
Let your soul touch my heart again

If it handn't been for you
I would've never stood here
With all these women
Competing to find
The strongest Highlander
I doubt anyone here
Is an actual Highlander

The one with the temper
She's from Spain
The ultimate butch
Is an Algarian *******
Finland and Poland
Are represented
And you, we may never find out
Who gave life
To your exquisite existance

But as I sat down under the pear tree
With you "dominant girls"
I hear a soft whisper
I wish I could reach up and give you one
I smiled and whipered back
so do it

And sure enough
As we spoke beneath
The tallest pear tree
One fell down
And hit you on the sholder
We roared from laughter

I said grace
To the voices
For restoring my faith
In that one voice
Who always echoes
In the depths of my heart
The one who has always been
Out of reach and out of touch
And it's fine
Because he's here anyway.

I come here too often, Sis

What do you mean

I mean, I come here too often

You're never here

Dude I was here every day when you were sick

Yeah but that's a month ago

Okay what do you make of this: I was walking down the street on my way here and instinctively started looking for my keys!

I've worked through
So much of my pain
Life's still not that
Of an undamaged girl
But I'm going back in time
Working my **** out

I look up and feel the sun, knowing that my wary lungs could've run empty and stopped my withered heart from beating a long time ago. I take a deep breath and acknowledge the presence of the Divine that dwells within me

Wide smiles
Joy in my eyes
I will never stop lauging
My obnoxiously loud laugh
I will never stop
Pranking my dearest ones
I will never stop
Challenging the living **** out of you

I know myself better now
I'm out of my wild years
On my way to bigger and crazier
I know my type
I know the kind of man
That can handle me
And I still feel you close
Even if you don't see it yourself

Let love follow it's own course
It will lead me back to you
One fine day
But untill then...
I'm bringing the house down.

Another single girl
In your mid-twenties
I still remember the day
Of your wedding
You looked so beautiful
In your wedding dress
I nearly cried
As I stood waiting
For you to arrive
I spoke the vows
And blessed your relationship
You both eagerly agreed
Yet something turned in my gut
Why doesn't it feel right?
I announced you
Husband and wife
And "may you kiss the bride"

Now I'm sorry for your divorce
Feeling somehow
Responsible for
Marrying you to him
In the first place.
Will be here to catch your tears though.

I forgive myself
For shamelessly staring
I can forgive myself
For the missing years
That pile on
Between us
I could forgive myself
For falling in love
And having my heart
Torn out once more.
Indeed I could tear out
My very own heart
As long as yours is safe and warm.
Such is Love in Sacrifice
Or Sacrifice in Love.
Whichever way you put it,
You're one of those Light Bodies.
Visibly imperfect and somewhat lost.
Maybe not entirely but certainly in some way.
How could my Light guide you home
When you shine so bright
I can't tear my eyes off you,
Hell I couldn't see home if I tried.
In some way you became
The missing Sun ray
And I became the troll
That wanders in the night.
Alas, such is life
All the good ones
The missing puzzle pieces
Are hanging on another woman's arm,
Or are gay as ****.

It's calm here
A city with the attitude of a town
"Save the poor"
The words are spelled out
On a building behind the church
There are a few here
Churches that is
In close proximity of each other

I sat at the bus stop
After work
Quietly de-working
De-toxing from your temper
And the threat you oppose
To our professional integrety
Every day you are here.
I snort at the though of you
You're just like my dad.

A man sat by my side
Carefully placed
His beer can on the ground
"Can you read this to me?"
He said as he handed me a letter
I opened it and scanned it briefly
"They're giving you money sir"
"Why?"
"You applied for it and they approved"

You smell just like my dad
Speaking of how my boss reminds me
Alcohol and cigarettes
A boy stares at me in the distance
too young
"Why would they give me money"
"It seems Sir, that you applied for it"

He shruds his shoulders
I get that your memory fails you
With all the *****
That circles in your system.
I don't judge you old man.
You're just a version of my old man.
I get it, life's hard
Wonder what it threw at you
Before you got this way.

Once upon a time
You were just like that boy
Who curiously glues his eyes on me
Just a normal boy.
Just like my dad.
Wonder what will become
Of this young kid
Fingers crossed he'll turn out good
Fingers crossed
*fingers crossed

You're just a ****** cube.
The Rubick's Cube.
I remember the frustration
That flowed through my fingers
As I tried to solve it as a child.

He explains the method
And repeats the things
The dry mechanics,
I already figured out.
The teachings fall in to place...

The center never moves
Just like in life
The fundation never moves
If one wants to change their lives
One must lose their attachment
To how things look
In their various stages of evolution.

Just like with this ******* cube.

You can't get it right
Without rearranging everything else.
You can't solve the upper layers
Without changing the lowest layer.

And you will never solve it
If you get angry.
It is not your reasoning that lacks
It is your negative emotions
That hinder you from thinking straight.

there's no logic in this!
She roars from frustration
I laugh and tell her
*if there was no logic, the blocks would not be attached to each other

Maybe it's not so bad
If they just break up now
It's been ages and she is unhappy.
Yet somehow I feel like
Her problem isn't her relationship.
She is creating this within herself
God knows I've been there
That the first *** after a long relationship
Really does your body good
But after a few you just need to admit
That it isn't taking you anywhere...

But then she said it...

sometimes you just need to **** each other up until you learn to respect each other and then try again

Yeah. Maybe that's been the point all along.

Why did I do this to myself?
Not like I didn't know better.
Didn't have to add you
To be reminded that
You are in fact
The prettiest man I've ever seen.
You're so far out of my league
I can't even see you.

Stupid, stupid, stupid

Jane's sick, just a common flu
Nothing she can't handle
Another workday
Same as any other
She blows her nose right before work
Tosses the tissue in to a bin
Grabs the doorhandle and walks in

George is just on time for work
Maybe today will be the day
Maybe Jane will see him today
He grabs the doorhandle
And as he walks in
He wipes the raindrops off his lips

The virus works its way in him
Just like Jane's rejection
It's like he's not good enough
But he's a good man
He knows that
Okay maybe not the best guy ever

Maybe he thinks too much of himself
Perhaps she's known better
I'm not good enough
But he knows she likes him back
she can get better
Well she's not that great either

Much does he know
That in order to be able
To cast blame on others
We must have an understanding
Of what we are blaming them for
And that can only be identified within us

Do we not have to understand
A concept before we teach it
Sure enough we must understand
What it means to not be good enough
Before we teach others to feel that way
Congrats George you passed

Jane was taught she wasn't good enough
And now George has identified with that
And George will teach it to Melissa
Who is secretly casting
Her adimiring, loving looks at him
And when George is done with Melissa
Melissa will teach it to James
And James will enforce that within Jane

Can you honestly say
That you have felt this way before?
I asked myself
As I sat at the dinner table
With a befriended couple.
A vague recognition
Gently vibrated in my heart.
These are just some old friends.
And I feel like I'm 5 years old
And like this is a functional family.
Realizing that that's the one thing
I never had.

You just needed me
To step down
And let you in
What's the point now
You're face fades away
I still remember your scent
That's all there is
To hold on
There's no way back
And that's ok
But then you could at least
Stop following me
In my dreams.
I get it all now
Why I run off
Too used to holding
A man together
To take time to
Speak my mind
I cave in in the dark
Silence of my own room
Where you can't see it
deep breaths
open my eyes again
Buck up and put your game face on

But ****, I need to be held together too.
With the antics I saw you pull
I knew you didn't have it in you
To help fix me
And that's ok too.

There must be a reason.
Yes, yes there is definitively a reason
Why the men who grew on the same soil as I
Seem exactly as boring as they are.

There must be a reason
Why I only have to see
Men of certain origins
And my flirt comes on.

Happened today
Again!
As I opened my mouth
Right before I smiled
It crossed my mind

no no no no you can't flirt with him, he's her brother

Stupid genetic variety

The Ghetto Saint
Is what the Wisperers called you.
Don't you look at me that way
I think to myself
As I cut your flirt off.
It's not that you're not good enough.
It's that you feel nothing.
In and out of jail
You know what you did

And despite all of that
Look what you made!
There's a girl beside me
Who never did time
Because you made it so.
You save lives and speak truths.
To get their attention
And sooth them with your voice.

You may think
That your existance doesn't matter
But look what you made
There are children out on the street
Who know you'll watch over them
Who are every bit as unfortunate as you.
There are two girls close to my heart
Who are subjects of your
Skillful training and soft authoroty
Who you've never layed a hand on.

There's a gentle and kind
Childless father within you
Not that you ever treated me
As one of your protégés
But never the less
You watched over my sleep.
It's never been that you don't matter.
It's been that you think
That you don't matter.

"She's a ****"
How many times have I heard that
And how many times have I argued her case
So. You want to be able to sleep around
Free, no attachment, let's keep it fun
It's a one time thing
And surely next weekend there will be another girl by your side
And I bet you'll call her a cab in the morning
But she is the ****?
Why don't you turn out your pockets
Show us the picture of your pretty girlfriend
And then see what how many condoms exactly
You thought you'd need tonight
And she's the *****?

"She's too much of a dude"
I so want to hear this
You say she won't just nodd and smile
Like proper girls should
And she won't accept your arguement
Au contraire, she'd love to talk more about it
And surely, if you can't win an arguement with a woman
She should just be robbed off of her femininity all together
Well if only "dudes" can have meaningfull conversations
Then you must all be *******.

Protestantism class, mid term
63%, I passed the exam
Fair enough, as I don't really care
What happened on the 6th day
Our teacher is nice though
Only three students in his class

The bells goes off
We gather our things
And wait in the hallway
Still in deep conversation
With our teacher
He puts the key in the lock

Walks to the back to close
The windows tight
I look in his eyes as he makes his way
To the door and with confusion on his face
He watches the door close before him
The keys are on my side

Nobody is better or worse
There's no good or bad
There is only that
Which makes you
Happier and healthier
And that which makes you
Unhappier and unhealthier.
For the latter:
Your best weapon
Is a positive choice and attitude,
For this is in your control

If another person
Elevates themselves above you
It is only out of fear
To be run down.
If another person
Tells you that you are not enough
Then that is the exact same thing
They tell themselves
When they look in the mirror.
Are you going to let
Another person
Take away your power
To be happy and healthy?

I know you said
You kept apologizing
But it was never enough
For her

But perhaps you
Should look at it this way:
If your apology
Was not enough...

Then maybe it was not enough, because she was not angry at you

She may have
Expressed her anger at you
She may have projected on you
But she was never angry
Over anything you did

but what someone else did to her

And maybe you
Are not angry at me
For distancing myself
To protect myself

Maybe you are angry at yourself.

Maybe you're angry at her.

As I sit here
In the corner of the couch
My spot, 0:0:0:0
grown down
Says a whisper

I ask myself
What do people my age
Generally do?
Is it normal for a girl
Of 27
To stay home on weekends

Should be powdering my nose
not that powder, actual powder
Getting ready
To go out
Release some stress
do something stupid!
Says the whisper

But no
I'm here making a list
For the grocery store
How much is enough
All my friends have done this

My boss once asked me
On a company dinner
Late friday night
"What are you doing here"
Huh good question

Suppose that when he was 23
He was ship wrecked at this time
But then I asked
"Where did you live at my age"
"With my parents"

Then it is safe to say
Your idea of safety
Was different than mine
"Suppose so" he admitted

So my late resolution
For the year
Is to grown down
And get stupid.

What if I were to take two apples
And push them together so hard
That they became one?
Would it hurt them?
Would they grow sick
From the trauma?

It is likely they would.

I am not at loss for words
When you rant on at me
For mistakes I cannot amend.
For having to pick up after me
At a loss for having had
Appropriate instructions.
If you were to yell at me
For everything
That makes me imperfect,
Would I grow sick?

Perhaps I would.

But having have grown sick
So many times in my short life,
It's hard to overthrow
My well-developed immunity system
For any poison that
Leaks from your torn heart.

I'm sorry you grew sick.

But more than that
I'm sorry you are unable
To pick up after yourself
After causing a storm
In your own head
Day after day.
Hour after hour.

But one day you'll learn
To only take in
That which makes you stronger.
We could learn together...
You hold no responsability
For my negative mindsets
If I would stubbornly choose to have them.
And I hold no responsability for yours,
If you stubbornly choose to have them.

The degree of our suffering depends mostly on our own responce to it - Guan Yin

why are you crying

If I hadn't suffered so much
Would I not have been happier now?
Would I not have been freer?
Would I now not be released of blaming you?

why did you suffer

Because they harmed me mother
They did me wrong
They took all that I gave
And turned in to soil

Is it your responsability?

It was my effort
My tireless effort
It was what I did out of love!
It was what I gave of myself!

And did you expect something in return?

No.
Maybe.
Yes.
Love.

why would they not love you? Do you have to serve others to win them over

I suppose that's really not
How it should be,
But mum how else will they
Ever love me for who I am?

are you not kind

I think I am

are you not sweet

Sure...

then why would they not love you?

To this I don't know
The right answer
Why do we love
Generally speaking?

*because it's within us. You can only love that within another if you find it within yourself. Love selflessly and you will be loved selflessly. Not because you will never meet those who try to abuse you but because you will stop needing them all together. Love yourself unconditionally and you will be loved unconditionally

It's been years
Since I lived
As much
As I've lived
In these few days
I have never felt
Such a release
Of pure force
As I did
Flipping over
A tracktor tyre
At the Highland Games
With you.
Included in the strongest team
And the nicknames
Keep pouring in.
I haven't received
Such a gift
From anyone
For a very long time.
And the ideas
Just keep piling up.
So then how
Can you claim
To not have your life
Figured out
While you
So effortlessly
Arrange mine
To make me
Happier and healthier?

"You like him"
You looked at me
Eyes wide open
Denied it in all languages
I just snorted at you
We'll see about that

Then it started
Bit by bit
You were angry
Confused and then finally
Gave in to it
I asked if I needed to talk to him
You said
Yes and then no and then yes.

Today you finally made it to him
And I'm overjoyed
I laugh from my heart
I feel like we just won.
The fact is
That you won
In your own life
And I couldn't be happier

If it weren't for the
Quick twist of the knife
In my heart
As I watch your conquest
And realise
That it might never happen to me.
Quietly I make peace with that
And smile as I watch you go.