Snatched from my mind
The world appears brighter
All I know is,
That it's a beautiful place

This forest...
This shed...
This playground...
This bed...

Snatched from my memory
I can remember
The most impossible things
But not this.

All I know is
that the world is a beautiful place...

Something is wrong with me
If only I could explain it in words

The doctor who wanted to talk
Keeps asking
"Do you still have these drawings"

"No I tore them"

The light left her eyes.
No hope.

"Leave her alone" she said

And I got away with alot of *******.

Snatched from my memory.
This is true
It's PTSD.

Grandpa Ody retired, content
Worked at GM all his life
The entire family drives Opel
20% discount with a form
Provided by Ody

Now my stepdad married my mum
Making me his daughter
Through their union
We drive an Opel too
Many sets of Opel keys on the dinner table

It may serve us to know
That we recognize our keys
By one glance, one main indicator
For most of us; the Opel car key
Who knows the difference after a few drinks

And so I switched our keys
With those of my stepdad
He glanced at them a few times
Something was wrong
"Nah it must be in my head"

We've payed for our drinks
Thanked everyone
Three kisses in Belgium
Our cars are parked across each other
Click says the lock of our car

Quickly we unlock the other car....
We say goodbye...

"Who took my keys?!"

What is this?
The musician invasion?
I wonder as you ramble
On and on
Both tearing yourself down
And pulling yourself up.
I just need to fix up
Your ****** resume
So you can get a job.
A haircut wouldn't be bad either.

We go through all your options
I refer to my brother in law.
Once a hungry musician like you.
"You know he plays for Angels of Petrus"
Your eyes jump out of their sockets.
"...and he told me that most of them work remotely, like the guys from Korpus"
There's admiration in your eyes.

And yet after I ditched you
And got on the bus
30minutes later
I see a dude wearing a shirt
That spells out the name
Of your band.
I roll my eyes a chuckle.
Here you sit in awe of me
Knowing the guys
Who's music you admire.
Yet have no clue who you are to your fans.
Humility has it's limits.

You're just a ****** cube.
The Rubick's Cube.
I remember the frustration
That flowed through my fingers
As I tried to solve it as a child.

He explains the method
And repeats the things
The dry mechanics,
I already figured out.
The teachings fall in to place...

The center never moves
Just like in life
The fundation never moves
If one wants to change their lives
One must lose their attachment
To how things look
In their various stages of evolution.

Just like with this ******* cube.

You can't get it right
Without rearranging everything else.
You can't solve the upper layers
Without changing the lowest layer.

And you will never solve it
If you get angry.
It is not your reasoning that lacks
It is your negative emotions
That hinder you from thinking straight.

there's no logic in this!
She roars from frustration
I laugh and tell her
*if there was no logic, the blocks would not be attached to each other

The crowd goes wild
The boys give it their all
Everyone knows the lyrics
You stand back stage
And evaluate the show
"Where do we go next"
Always one step ahead.
You've toured all over the world.
The girls flash their *****
They're eating from
The palm of your hand.
She walks up to me
Do I know him?
She asks, eyes wide open.

"Yeah dude, that's Kurt. He ate dirt last weekend"

There she was again
The girl in the sandbox
Her brown hair cut short
Wearing pink shorts
And no shirt
I'm not entirely sure she's a girl

"Do you want to play with me
We can go and get my toys
And build sandcastles, play hide and seek"
She frowned at me and I wondered
Does she know how to talk
She muttered and walked away
#
"My mum sent me
She said that we should walk together"
It's early morning, -25*C
"Ok" said the girl from the sandbox
We were 8 years old
I can count the words she has spoken with one hand

It's nearly dinnertime
Where is the girl
You know the one from the sandbox
Crazy thing, she told me
Not to vacuum clean snow off the floor
And she gave me a puppy pendant
#
Now I don't live here anymore
And I don't have her number
They call us "Foreign Finns"
But sure thing if I go
To her parents house
I'll find her

Knock knock says the door
Her mum opens up and hugs me
Takes her phone and says
"Guess who's here"
And without hesitation
She says "Lily. I'm coming"

The girl from the sandbox

Jane's sick, just a common flu
Nothing she can't handle
Another workday
Same as any other
She blows her nose right before work
Tosses the tissue in to a bin
Grabs the doorhandle and walks in

George is just on time for work
Maybe today will be the day
Maybe Jane will see him today
He grabs the doorhandle
And as he walks in
He wipes the raindrops off his lips

The virus works its way in him
Just like Jane's rejection
It's like he's not good enough
But he's a good man
He knows that
Okay maybe not the best guy ever

Maybe he thinks too much of himself
Perhaps she's known better
I'm not good enough
But he knows she likes him back
she can get better
Well she's not that great either

Much does he know
That in order to be able
To cast blame on others
We must have an understanding
Of what we are blaming them for
And that can only be identified within us

Do we not have to understand
A concept before we teach it
Sure enough we must understand
What it means to not be good enough
Before we teach others to feel that way
Congrats George you passed

Jane was taught she wasn't good enough
And now George has identified with that
And George will teach it to Melissa
Who is secretly casting
Her adimiring, loving looks at him
And when George is done with Melissa
Melissa will teach it to James
And James will enforce that within Jane

The snow that once left soft curves
On top of everything ugly,
Had melted away
The world was full and empty at the same time.
Everything was solid yet up in the air
It felt like anything could happen.

There was nothing here aside
From a clean slate.
You know the kind, you never wanted.
A smile of contentment for things left behind
And a sting of sorrow for the things
You weren't ready to lose.

Suddenly the world was full of everything
You had always neglected about yourself.
There was air, the cold kind, that hurts your lungs
Empty of a warm promise yet full
Of a truth, kindly smiling at you.

You smile back, in realization
Life so bleak, suddenly looks
Like clouds are lifting
Warm air heading your way
Touching skin sadly neglected

The road stretching beyond reach
Leaving the truth far behind
Like yesterday's past
The snow that once left soft curves
On top of everything ugly
Now fades into a distant memory.

I woke up with a heavy heart
Nothing made sense
All the visions
Between sleep and awake
Melted in to each other

I stood up
Slightly out of balance
Thinking that I'm just drowsy
But then my vision blurred
And I stumpled on to the couch
"I'm working, be quiet"
I heard her say
Inbetween the flashbacks

The flashbacks of you beating me
you will bend to my will
Words of deep resistance
Left my lips
As I curled up
You proceeded to violating me
And I screamed that one day
You'd wake up
Standing next to your body

This made you retreat each time
You cried in the corner
And I woke up
With no memory
Of what you did to me...

Deeply greatful
For the peace that I've found
I recover from this panic attack
And face another day
Where the future
Looks bright
And you're but a distant memory
I've found peace
And you're still sick.

I can handle my PTSD
And everything you did to me
There are no marks
And I've won over you
Once more.

You were just like any other girl
Such a strange way to meet you
Saw you at a concert, Dimmu Borgir
My heart leaped, like I knew you
Nearly screamed "hi"
Oh wait, I don't know you

or do I?

Slowly start the rumors
There's a new girl in the scene
She's got puffy hair and a doll face
Loves Finnish people
Never seen Turks in the metal scene
I uncovered all the intriques for you
All the lies and stories
I'll cover for you girl

And did we ever cover for each other
Team
-Third degree concussion
"It was just bad luck"
Stayed by your bed for three days
-Mum kicked me out
Stayed with you for a week
-must've drank too much
The earth is turning
Must've smoked too much
The earth is turning
The scent of Agent Provocateur
By my side
-"you can't give me a fine!
I have diplomatic immunity!"

And nobody quite understood
Your OCD like I did
Spent hours, days, weeks, months, years
Tryingto fix you
Your crazy never held me back
unconditionally
4 years later, you're a normal girl
Two weeks apart, all undone

Two weeks apart
And I'm a hotmess
The lights went out
The world went dark
The fire went out
Dynamic Duo undone
You're a hotmess
Tears shed over air waves
Your voice through Skype

"It's a strange relationship"
Said your psychologist
"I've never seen two friends
So in tune with each other"
I have my heart full
Of fond memories
We lived a lifetime in 4 years
And we made it all count

You've been gone for years
We grew up
My heart's still full
And as I tell myself
It's all gone
I nearly hear you squeaky voice
As I read the text

*Last night I got drunk and watched all our videos. Happy birthday. I love you

Please take your heart
And tear it all out
I'm done with this
I've had enough, I'm done.
Enough is enough
And I've reached my limits.
Imma get my party on
In my skin tight dress
And pray to God
You catch an STD.

Just for ***** and giggles
Stop punishing yourself
For a moment and push your ego aside.
I'm over it.
And all over...
*Well him, he's cute

When life give you lemons
You make lemonade.
But at some point
Lemonade just won't do.

It doesn't sell well either.
So you get smart
And start making limoncello
And give those *******
What was coming at them.

A face that indicates
They took on more
Than they could handle
A gag reflex and sour taste in their mouths

A sweet twist that comes from
The smirk on your face
And if they keep messing with you
They won't be able to see straight
Let alone walk home unsupported.

I heard a Saint whisper in my ear today
She said you felt me return to Earth
How blessed am I to connect to you so deeply
Know that I will always forgive you
How blessed am I to be talking to you
Not again but still
#
I sat in a circle chanting to create
Love Peace and Harmony
I opened my heart and allowed it to expand to infinity
How blessed am I to be chanting with you
Not again but still
#
I walked in to your classroom
You took my hand and said "welcome"
You looked so familiar
My soul whispered
"Mommy I came back"
How blessed am I to be your student
Not again but still
#
I heard your voice and your deep frequency
And saw your soul standing in heaven
A flashback from the safety of the stars
How I had missed you
My beloved Master, Teacher, Guide and Father
Not again but still
#
How I long to be in the safety of your embrace again
My beloved passed life husband
They said it was good karma
How badly we've messed things up so far
I forgive you, please forgive me
Not still but again
#
How I wished I could ease your suffering
Make you hear the voice of reason
I've expirienced your mind
The compassion I have for you!
My beloved sister
Not again but still
#
It took you a while to reach out to me
Perhaps I am too afraid to lose you
But you are still celebrating and supporting
Me, your baby sister
Although we aren't related
Always here for you, holding your hand
Following you around
Not again but still

The pub is packed tonight
with many familiar faces,
cookies for breakfast
The sugarrush is taking me places.


I'm jumping up and down
diet ruined and I'm not sorry
after the pub we all meet up
for afters at the quarry.

Ladies and men, loads of drink,
getting it on, you know the score,
voices now still and grumpy
They won't speak to me anymore.

A hobbit hops along a road
Stops takes a **** on a snail,
I won't say what we got up to
but one day I'll tell the tale.

Meanwhile  I'm off to Lily's for a coffee
and a bite to eat.
An amanita grew by the rock
pretty and proud and neat.

No one liked it, it got sad
it started talking to itself,
we gave it lots of tequila then
put it upon the shelf

Intelligence is measured by many things
In fact there are many ways to be intelligent
I may not be able to solve a mathematic issue
To save my life
-ok if I really tried-
But I will always understand emotion
And strive to understand it's rootcause
In fact, emotions are such as the Tao
Extremely simple.
It would however take bravery
To be honest with one's self
To be fair
To find the right answers

The right answer is not always the same as the correct answer. Always do what is right

There's very little compassion
In the correct answer
There is very little humanity
In the correct answer
So choose the right answer instead
For above anything else
Are you not human too?
So in the end
If you truly want to understand something
Persuing it, will increase your intelligence
Depending on which field you choose.
Take the time to understand
Take the time to be wrong
Forgive yourself through
Your mistakes
Live within your love
You know, the one you have
For yourself

This will increase your intelligence.

Last night in the deepest slumber
My mind forced upon me a sight
A terrifyng thing gave me a fright
A cruel and effective vision
Presentation of true value
By stripping it of it's purpose

Upon strolling by the lake
I saw a body in the water
A young woman, picture perfect
Stripped of her clothes
Floating, skin all blue
Did you fall and drift away
Did you get caught in the stream

I ventured in to the water
Cried over the loss of her life
A young woman
Isn't anyone looking for her
Where is everyone
Did you come here alone
Did you do this to yourself
I looked around adjusted my eyes

I took in great big stones
Covered by moss
A few of those on the beach
Branches fallen from trees
Nature's waste washed upon the shore
Then I looked closer
Is that a leg sticking out?

Then the reality hit me
The girl in the water
Was just one of the many
She must've drifted off
From the hundreds
Massacred and sterilized women on beach
Piled up like firewood

What a crime, for shame
What a loss, there aren't enough tears
They were used up and tossed
A momentary release
Of a monster within the perpetrator
Possibly looking for it's new victim
Behind my back for all I know

As if there is an infinite stock
As if their existance and growth
Could happen over night
As if It didn't take love and care
To ensure their wellness
As if two people didn't work
Tirelessly to raise their children
To shape the people they were going to be
As if they didn't have paths to walk
Friends to meet and destinies to fullfill
As if God hadn't given them any meaning at all

Oh oh can you take me to the store
And can you put on Pantera
And blast it real loud
And then we could chat
And I'll tell you about my day
And you could sit there and listen
Oh oh can you put on a DVD
The one about the green oger
And the fairy tale creatures
We could watch it together
Doesn't that sound fun?

"Yes Dad that sounds great"'

A quick exit
That's what they promised me
But I never took that road.
One exit turned in to another
The numbers rolled up to hundreds.
So I took none.
Let it be a testimonial
To how much I love you
And how much you mean to me.

Someone once said
That trauma memory is like a high way
For the trucks that pick up and deliver memories
To the consciousness.
And trauma memory is right behind
That road blockage from the town of horrors.
And an alternative route has not been provided
So the answer to your question is
I don't remember
Nobody is going in or out.

But today I do remember.
I know it all.
If not in words or just a knowing,
Then in images or a sensation.
The blockage to my mathematical thinking
Was blown to pieces only reveal
That not only can I do math
But that I've always been talented.
My grades never showed it
But my reasoning always has.

Let it be known that to me
You are the Pytagoras Theorem
And that one angle I loved dearly
But never calculated
Until you gave me the motivation to.
It was in that one stroke
Of the softest hand on my cheek
That inspired forgiveness
That inspired trust.
And knowing how badly we were targeted.

Now I know how much I put you through
But let it be a testimonial
Of how much pain, our love could inspire
And how much pain our love could endure.
Let it be known that I'm free
Of the projection of your image on to others.
Let it be known, that I'll always be that girl with a pencil behind her left ear...
Because I was left handed... most of the time.

Beneath the earth
There's a network
Of age old connectionlines
Each contributing to Oneness
And as our hearts and souls meet
They see that the connection
Between our souls
Was there all along

If I colored three pages
From a coloring book
You'd see the difference
In the intensity
The distribution of the color
It's just like that
In the way I love each of you
Different colors
Different intensities
But never think
They can be compared
Would however pick out
My favorite
And if it was good to me
Hold it close forever
As the one and only
But if I no longer matter
Then eventually
Neither will you

A certain peace befalls us
As we stroll through these fields
Where the grass grows so high
I've been here before
It's where I played as a child
3 weeks every summer

I still smell the scent of the barn
That held home
To 16 cows
Here they cut off the horns
And feed them hormones
But not where I come from

Their warm coat colored brown and white
I still hear the lady call them out
Her voice echoes
Through the hallways of my memory.
Here we stopped being
The girls from the city

Each august it was time to harvest
We carried the pitch forks
In our small hands
To the fields where the tractors
Slowly drove by
Skin scratched open
From the insect bites

The burden of hay allergy
But we never loved it less
We caught mise in the barn
Build beds of hay blocks
Swam in the lakes
And took long walks

Toward the end of the cow's labor
With our bare hands
We aided the calf in to this world.
And watched their first steps
And offered them their first milk
We sighed from boredom
And screamed of exitement

There where the grass grows so high.

There's a house
On the hill
A run down cottage
And the door
Is never locked
I'll be right here
Through wind and rain
Smiling at you
When you return
Helping you
Pick up the pieces
There's a box
Full of lost items here
I keep them for you
If you want them back
One day
Life goes on, Love
And that's fine
You have yours
And I have mine
But nothing
Will take away
My love for you
It is nothing physical
For love cannot be
Expressed physically
It flows from my heart
To each one of you
How you deal with it
Is entirely up to you
But I'll be here
If you want to.

If wish you hadn't done that
Torn the blankets off me
And called me a *****
Mum, I was only 20
It wasn't anything I did
I never compromised my honor
Mum I really didn't

I wish you hadn't purposely
Let me oversleep
In hopes I would lose my job
Mum, I really couldn't figure out life
Was it that your man was helping me?
Was it that I was given the attention
A father should've given a daughter
Sure he's not my dad
But he likes to think he is

I really wish you hadn't done that
Let me go through
All the lies and accusations
While your ex incriminated me
Of things I have never done
I really wish
You hadn't waited for my tears to flow
At loss for any other escape

I really wish you hadn't
Put my friends above me
I really wish I could like Christmas
But the way I remember it
This was the occasion
To ridicule me for
Everything I was
And everything I would never be

And sure it wasn't just you
But surely you have come to understand
That this is how children compete
For attention
By teaming up against one

Mum I really wish
My school degree
Wasn't a way for you to evelate
Yourself above your sister in law
Her sons are doing so well
And you have two accomplished daughters
And one me
Who incidentally does
Whatever comes up first

I am so unpredictable,
I don't know what I'm going to do next.
I really wish I hadn't understood
And diligently ignored
The possibility
That maybe you're too broken
To really see that in fact
You are competing with your own children
For things that we never wanted
Nor cared for:
Your alfa female status.

I watch intently as the flower petals
Unfold under my amazed gaze
Streching as if they were waking up
From a deep long slumber
Blooming in fast forward before me
And then they withered
Lost their life energy
And quitly died

In a room where Heaven kisses the Earth
I listen to a Saint speak of Compassion
A Rainbow arches gracefully in the distance
Visions of flowers before me
Hearts open up and allow Love in to their lives again.

Let me peel those layers off you
And run my tongue over you
All of you
While your hands explore me
Got a few places where
You should put them

I got your scent all over me
Intoxicating me gently
Soft moans in the dark
Or light, however you like it
There are fire flies in the sky
And hummingbirds in my stomach

A gentle pressure
I'd like you to built up
Within me
There: my innermost thighs
Something to wrap around you
Get comfortable in my skin
Linger for a while
And cause a sweet explosion

The sweeter you are
The naughtier I get
I swear honey
Nothing's too small
Nothing's too big
I'll gladly take
Whatever you got...

Off goes my alarm clock

I never wanted to be a mother
Not because I dislike kids
Just wasn't something I ever considered
It was never a priority
Not something I considered in my calculations

Over a year ago
I was asked to be a godmother
Hell why not
They call me Aunt Bootcamp
Self-explanatory
Although kisses and hugs
Are always available

And sure they're cute
But I'm literally
The laziest person I know
Unless I'm working
...Or looking after kids
Appratently

So there he is
"20 months old"
-What is up with the whole month- thing anyway?-
Squeezing the content
Of his juicebox in himself
Laughing like it's greatest thing ever

So his mum put him in the shower
I'm looking for towels
Socks, shirts and extra pants
Cleaning up juice
Off the floor
And the table
Consequence of a glass knocked over

He casually pees on my carpet
And somehow it only made me laugh
Preconditioned to get up
And catch him as he falls
Wondering how I got be so fast
Not even remotely annoyed
As he smiles and looks me in the eye
And does exactly what I said not to do

The flowers are in bloom
In this majestic tree
That must have stood here
For decades
It still produces
After all these years

The dandelions gather strength
From the sun and the summer rain
The grass is greener on this side
The bushes that are to bear fruit
Pull their energy from the soil
Tirelessly filling our lungs
With clean air

The sunset is beyond compare
Painting the sky
In all variations of orange and pink
The silence of the approaching dawn
Is only suggested
By the grace of the setting sun

On the bench in this garden
Sat Death casually
Smoking a ***
With a distracted frown on his face
Waving away the passing butterfly
Coughing from the depth
Of his lungs
And spitting out the slimes.

As I sit upon this great stone
I take in the majestic view
It is not a view on the mountaintop
But much smaller indeed
Quiet and humble in it's existance
It's merely a view seen from this rock
That's stood here since the Ice Age
Slowly melting under the elements
But majestic nevertheless
I wonder and speculate in silence

Would this very rock
That looks so large in my eyes
Once have been
But a small pebble under the Ice
Before all these countless trees grew here
I close my eyes and picture
This forest without all its treasures
Then build it up slowly again
In the depths of my limited mind

These trees so tall and evergreen
Produce gasses and chemicals
And as they spit out their oxygen
Tirelessly in vast amounts
As the sun gazes upon them
The air becomes purer
So pure in fact
That a strange grey-greenish beard
Celebrates it's existance
On the barks of these giants

The countless lakes mirror their surroundings
As the drowsy sun paints them orange
Laying itself to sleep beyond the horizon
And as the sea has its own scent
So do these lakes
They leave an indescribable scent
On the skin of the human bathing in it
Leaving her hear soft and lush

The last rays of the sun
Force their way through openings
In the ceiling of this forest
Creating lightbeams
Seemingly rising from the forest floor
Absolute silence aside from my slowly beating heart
I strech my weary wings
Straighten my feathers
Close my eyes forever
And acknowledge that my time is up at last

We sat on the floor
You and me
I still feel like a young girl
And you still act like a young man
We sat on the floor
You and me
You said you forget the bad
And only hold on to the good.
We smiled and I saw myself
Within you.
There are lines forming around our eyes.
Nearing 30, you and me...

"Do you know what happens, when you ignore all the bad?"

He said he didn't know

you drift apart slowly, until there's nothing left to remember except the bad

But we didn't know that
When we were younger.
We didn't know.

A Mexican standoff is a confrontation among two or more parties in which no participant can proceed or retreat without being exposed to danger. As a result, all participants need to maintain the strategic tension, which remains unresolved until some outside event makes it possible to resolve

Now I don't know what
You are waiting for
But all you need to do
In my book
Is speak the words.

There's no need to mend things
God knows that if it wasn't
For Karmic responsability
I would've spoken those words
A long long time ago.

I don't need anything from you
Just wish you'd come clean
Your foal mood has been going on
Since last Thursday
And for all I care
You can just say it

give him time
Says a whisper of compassion
Yes, even now, there is compassion
he needs time to mend himself
take this seriously
everything else has checked out*

You learn your lessons in high speed
But I certainly wish
It wasn't just because
You're waiting for me to pay the bills
I'd pay them either way
Have I ever been anything less
Than fair?

C'mon. Spit it out.

Someone once said
Mother Earth is as much
A part of us
As we are of Her
If we aknowledge that
Each ***** that sustains
Our intelligently designed existance
Each muscle that
Promotes our dynamic lives
Each cell that celebrates
Its small yet profound task
Within us,
Comes forth from the ground
We walk upon
We will see that the person
On the other side of the Earth
Is as much a part of us
As we are of Mother Earth

I forgive myself
For shamelessly staring
I can forgive myself
For the missing years
That pile on
Between us
I could forgive myself
For falling in love
And having my heart
Torn out once more.
Indeed I could tear out
My very own heart
As long as yours is safe and warm.
Such is Love in Sacrifice
Or Sacrifice in Love.
Whichever way you put it,
You're one of those Light Bodies.
Visibly imperfect and somewhat lost.
Maybe not entirely but certainly in some way.
How could my Light guide you home
When you shine so bright
I can't tear my eyes off you,
Hell I couldn't see home if I tried.
In some way you became
The missing Sun ray
And I became the troll
That wanders in the night.
Alas, such is life
All the good ones
The missing puzzle pieces
Are hanging on another woman's arm,
Or are gay as ****.

There must be something within you
Whispering the same teachings
As the voices within my heart
There must be many blessings
Slipping through your fingers
Playing in the palm of your hand
To finally rest within your vessel
There must be a reason
For why I long for you so deeply
There must be one day
When it will all make sense
Heaven has never let me down yet
And as I take the steps up
The stairway to heaven
I cannot help
But to imagine
That you will be there
Reaching out for me

Yet I cannot be sure
There's no proof
Of the whispers that reach my ears
There's only rumors
And the scent of your sheets
That I should not have
Layed my hands upon
But I changed them anyway
Who will speak against me
When there's no proof
Only whispers that reach their ears
I only have valid reasons
To back me up
And a pleasurably guilty consciousness

A whisper reaches my ears
please just relax
We are going to serve you

A blue Light
Within the depths of my heart
You've been here since I was 5
Holding me together
From tearing apart
From losing my mind
You are the frequency in my voice
That people have come to fear
The commander that
Bends armies to it's will
How many times have I heard
"It's your voice"

Alright sure, I scare you again
How, I won't understand for the life of me
I'm just calm
Just me
Just scary to you...

Age 25, standing before the mirror
What does it look like to see me
Introspection
Suddenly and for the first time
I see it for myself
Never noticed before
Even while perfectly calm...

My teacher's voice echoes through my mind

"You walk in like a thunderstorm!"

But now I see it
I scared myself
There's nothing to be done
It comes from inside
The blue Light
The Source Light
The warrior with the color of my eyes

you need to come to terms with yourself young lady
you look like a girl but that's not what people see
they see a solidier, nearly two meters tall
let it go, reincarnation is a teacher
You can be a girl and a master at the same time.
you make men have to be stronger
so they won't try to bend you to their will
you stepped up to protect yourself and it's time to step down

And so I looked to Guan Yin
The mother of all women
I smile from my heart
make me a girl
Not a woman
Not a warrior
a girl
The smile is returned
And I'm dressed in
Soft pink and flowers
*On the inside

It saddens me to watch women
They're so busy
Proving their worth at work
Because it was not always an option
Not their fault.
But was it man's fault?
Purely stripped down of the powerstruggle?
No.
Someone had to look after children
It was a necessity, survival of the race
Pure and simple.

I've been trained, evaluated and promoted
By men not women
Miss Professional Climber
It might intrest you to know
That I didn't blow them to get ahead
If I didn't have skills
That would've reflected poorly
On the man who put me there
And sweety, he'a not an idiot
But I'm starting to think that you are.
In business Time is still Money

It saddens me to watch women
Trying to live up to the mother
In an ideal world
Indeed in a movie
Feeling guilty for things they can't help
Indeed for being a mere human
It's rarely the parents' fault
For if they knew better
They would've done better
Pure and simple.

It saddens me to watch women
Trying to have the perfect body
Sure men can be cruel
But is it really all because of them?
Are they the ones greedily
Grasping on to a gossip magazine
Inviting their friends
To judge others like it's a social event
Spending hours in front of the mirror
When all they needed is to take a shower
Clean clothes, mascara and eyeliner

Never heard a man complain
About the natural look
And when asked
He didn't have the first idea
What else I would've needed.

Are we really doing this
To lure in the perfect man
You know the one that in reality
Doesn't know why you want a thighgap
Because he doesn't know what it is!
And if he does
He didn't think to check that you had one
When he asked you out.

Women blame men for only wanting one thing
And he's definitely a pig
When he talks to your *****
It may surprise the fairer ***
That according to a poll
The first thing men really notice
Are the eyes and the smile
And sure men tend to look at other women
But studies show that
Not only can they not help it
They don't even remember having seen her in the first place

So who are the real ******* here?
Is it not the women themselves?
It's more than true
That women don't dress for men
They dress for other women
Women don't want to be perfect mothers
Purely for their children
but for other mothers
Women don't want to be bosses
Because it reflects their personal power
*but because they want to dominate other women

Quote: "when I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say: I used everything you gave me"

Only in my dreams
Do I encounter
Branches with real pearls
Rolling down
In a spring breeze

From the depth
Of my gut
I wish to make it real
To build it up
From whatever meets
My expectation

But then I wonder
If I make this
How real will it be?
It was not created
By the vast evolution
We have been subjected to

or was it
perhaps the fact that I'm creating it, is evolution in it's own right*

Overthinking my creative process
Killjoy.
I could draw it
And I did.
It was beautiful
Exactly like in my dream

I could build it from
A real branch
Attach pearls to it
But then would it not be
Totally kitch

Bah- kitch!

I could make it from clay
Yeah. No.
I could sing it's perfection
Maybe it sounds like
A high note
Or the piano...
Can't play the piano.
Can sing though...

Maybe!
I could wait for spring
And take a picture
Of raindrops on tree branches
But it's not the same!
Putting away my Nikon.

Maybe
I'll write a poem
About having
all the talent in the world
And not being able
To express my own imagination.

Cruel irony.

Remember those roses, deep red
Layed down all over my bed

How I invited you to follow, we should play a game
Something about a squirril and a rabbit, it was insane

Then between laughs and giggles I took the first chance I got
You bend over and I shoved the flowers up your ****

You screamed take them out, take them out
So I did, you roared, what are you whining about?

There's blood all over the place
White stains on your hair and face

And an odd sock, I'm missing one of those
Somehow it ended up on the stem of the rose

No matter what
This also means
If they don't love us back
If they hurt us
If they cheat us
If they break and beat us

One would think
We would then be
At the mercy of Love
Never giving up
Never standing up for ourselves

But if we Love ourselves
Unconditionally first
We'll never be at anyone's mercy
Because love needs no space
Love needs no time
Love is the founding force
Of which all things are made

Remove anything from your life
That no longer serves you
If it comes back
Then perhaps
You still have something to learn
But above all things

Do what is right
For yourself first.

I've been wondering about you
Why, I wouldn't know for the life of me.
There is a crack in your heart
That's almost visible to the naked eye.
There's a crack on your face
But the way I see you
It only makes you more perfect.
There's true beauty within
You're perfectly balanced vessel,
Yet I wonder how the scars got there.
And when you bleed,
Do you bleed red and white?
Like I bleed blue and white?
Or does your loyalty lie somewhere else?
Do you love the earth that grew you?
Do you live within your nation's pride?
Like I will always live within mine.
Is there a hair fine difference
Within what your heart tells you
And what your mind tells you?
Is there one thousand questions within your mind too?
Can there ever be enough curiosity
For what your heart holds?
Is it tied to someone else
Or is it roaming as free
As you like people to think you are?
Is it easy to be a man?
I bet it is
Sure should be easier than being a woman.
But then again,
How would I know
What responsabilities this world
Has cast down to your sholders.
Do you carry them with pride and honor
Or do you sometimes
Collapse like I do?
Is there as much love within you
As what reaches my eyes,
As I let my eyes secretly
Caress the features on your face.
How did you get to be
So robustly beautiful?

Another single girl
In your mid-twenties
I still remember the day
Of your wedding
You looked so beautiful
In your wedding dress
I nearly cried
As I stood waiting
For you to arrive
I spoke the vows
And blessed your relationship
You both eagerly agreed
Yet something turned in my gut
Why doesn't it feel right?
I announced you
Husband and wife
And "may you kiss the bride"

Now I'm sorry for your divorce
Feeling somehow
Responsible for
Marrying you to him
In the first place.
Will be here to catch your tears though.

The Ghetto Saint
Is what the Wisperers called you.
Don't you look at me that way
I think to myself
As I cut your flirt off.
It's not that you're not good enough.
It's that you feel nothing.
In and out of jail
You know what you did

And despite all of that
Look what you made!
There's a girl beside me
Who never did time
Because you made it so.
You save lives and speak truths.
To get their attention
And sooth them with your voice.

You may think
That your existance doesn't matter
But look what you made
There are children out on the street
Who know you'll watch over them
Who are every bit as unfortunate as you.
There are two girls close to my heart
Who are subjects of your
Skillful training and soft authoroty
Who you've never layed a hand on.

There's a gentle and kind
Childless father within you
Not that you ever treated me
As one of your protégés
But never the less
You watched over my sleep.
It's never been that you don't matter.
It's been that you think
That you don't matter.

The creepy dental girls
That's what they called us
They gave us the same looks
As kids did when I studied Latin
But we were just technicians
Dental technicians

And why I ever gave it up
I cannot explain to myself
But the will is within my eyes
And the craft within
My fingertips
I smiled at the first crown
I had seen in more than a year

I know what you're made of
What build you
And what will break you
I know you

We always said:
You need to be all for it
And it will work out fine...
Other wise you're wasting your time.

Sleep Angel sleep
Let the tears dry
I've held your heart
Since you cursed us apart
Know that I forgive you
Let the pain cease
Slumber in my arms
I've taken your ache
And loved it away
A kiss caressing
Each crack
And hands
That have your back

Maybe it's not so bad
If they just break up now
It's been ages and she is unhappy.
Yet somehow I feel like
Her problem isn't her relationship.
She is creating this within herself
God knows I've been there
That the first *** after a long relationship
Really does your body good
But after a few you just need to admit
That it isn't taking you anywhere...

But then she said it...

sometimes you just need to **** each other up until you learn to respect each other and then try again

Yeah. Maybe that's been the point all along.

I burned my fingers
On you
But more than that
On how much I trusted you

Hell it wasn't just the fingers
It was fingers all the way
To my elbows
And my bare feet
All the way to my knees

Such was my trust in you
And in my own estimation
Of who you are.
There's never just one to blame
It's always the two

I guess I trew myself at you
And that's fine
But it would take forever
For me to do it again
With full confindence
That you'd catch me.

The truth of the matter is
That we only get angry
For three reasons,
All of which can be
Traced back to fear

1. Not understanding:
When one understands
The actions of another
It becomes easier
To respond calmly

2. Being ashamed:
Whether they meant it
That way or not
Shame is a choice
If we had known better,
We would've done better.

3. Being hurt:
Only the things
We cannot let go of
Will end up choking us
Whether it is love
Or pride and honor
Choose your responce
Not out of spite,
But to create understanding.

The number of times
I've said the words
"I'm not angry,
This is my face"
And the number of times
I've waited my time
To give them what for
Just to make them see
Things from the other side.

And the number of times
I've swallowed my pride
And whispered
you're right
The number of times
I've found happiness
In being taught a lesson

*Because when I know better, I can do better. However choose the way to teach a lesson carefully, it can make us greater or smaller. Choose your weapon carefully.

There must be a reason.
Yes, yes there is definitively a reason
Why the men who grew on the same soil as I
Seem exactly as boring as they are.

There must be a reason
Why I only have to see
Men of certain origins
And my flirt comes on.

Happened today
Again!
As I opened my mouth
Right before I smiled
It crossed my mind

no no no no you can't flirt with him, he's her brother

Stupid genetic variety

Do you remember what it was like
When adults spoke words
That we were too young to understand?
Do you remember what it was like
When we were programmed by our parents?
They explained meanings of words,
Trained us in diciplines
And spoke truths
We were too inexpirienced to deeply understand?

Do you remember what it was like
To see a bridge for the first time?
To really see it and wonder
Why it was there and purpose it served?
Something so mundaine today
Back then we just trusted
That if it was there,
Then there must've been
A good reason for it.
We trusted that everything
We saw and heard was true.

don't lie to children

Has it ever occurred to you
That everything we see for the first time
Is being viewed without judgement.
We don't know what it is.
It is up to those who explain it
To remain equally unjudgemental
So we can make up our own minds.
Do you realise that life
Is still a surprise to young eyes?
Don't program them wrong.

Do you realise the responsability
To purify your own mind
Before you speak it
To inexpirienced ears.
If you teach hate, you will see it
Everywhere you go.
Someone once said
if you plant a tree, it will never grow to become grass
So stop demanding it to...
it will always be a tree.
But you help it become
Happier and healthier.

They won't become what you want them to become.
They will become that which they hold a potential for.