I don't know for sure
What it all means
But there's something
About your gaze
The emotions on your face
There's a softness
Within you
That sends shivers
Down my spine.

Maybe it's in your eyes
I just can't figure out
What color they are
Blue maybe green...
Can't hold your gaze
Even for a second.
Watching you opens my heart...
So what now?
Can't be angry or sad
Just like to linger in your scent...

But something is different
Because I hear music
For the first time in years
I mean to really hear
I felt this strange sensation
In my heart, I just couldn't
Put my finger on it
I guess I called it hope...
yeah, it must've been hope.

There's peace too...
When I think of you.
Just can't say a word
Nothing will come out.
I shrug my sholders,
I guess I'm doomed.
What is there to be done?
I'm *******.

What if I were to take two apples
And push them together so hard
That they became one?
Would it hurt them?
Would they grow sick
From the trauma?

It is likely they would.

I am not at loss for words
When you rant on at me
For mistakes I cannot amend.
For having to pick up after me
At a loss for having had
Appropriate instructions.
If you were to yell at me
For everything
That makes me imperfect,
Would I grow sick?

Perhaps I would.

But having have grown sick
So many times in my short life,
It's hard to overthrow
My well-developed immunity system
For any poison that
Leaks from your torn heart.

I'm sorry you grew sick.

But more than that
I'm sorry you are unable
To pick up after yourself
After causing a storm
In your own head
Day after day.
Hour after hour.

But one day you'll learn
To only take in
That which makes you stronger.
We could learn together...
You hold no responsability
For my negative mindsets
If I would stubbornly choose to have them.
And I hold no responsability for yours,
If you stubbornly choose to have them.

SEND ME BACK!
She roared to a woman
In a blue dress
Sitting behind a desk
"Please. Haven't you been trough enough"
There was peace here
It wasn't warm or cold
In fact there was no temperature
The stars formed belts in the distance
The gas clouds wrapped themselves
Around this stream of a universe in motion.
There was air here
The weight and the pain was long gone
"You should come home. Let's abort the mission. Just come home"
I'm not staying here, you're sending me back right now!
"Please...there's no place for you on earth"
I'LL BE ****** IF MY MOTHER FINDS ME DEAD, ***** AND NAKED IN MY BED! SEND ME BACK NOW

The heart rate picked up
Automatically the diaphragm responded
Lungs opened up
There's air flow
A stinging pain in the temple
sleep it off*
Said the soul to the brain
As she loaded her guns.

It's been 7 years
Since you called me
After a year of silence.
You cried your tears on the phone
Drunk and hurt
I still don't know why I listened
Made peace out of my anger
But such is love between friends.

You arose from the flames
Like a raging phoenix
The woman I always knew
You'd one day end up being.
Now the mother of a 3-year-old
The girl who learned
To love herself unconditionally.
You have become the Dragon, the Lion
My personal hero.

The woman I never fully understood
You could become.
But there was a fierce strength in you
As you handed me a small box
Containing two necklaces, two halfs of a heart
And instructed me to give one to my best friend.

I guess my anger must have
Fully healed and made place
For reverance and respect.
I found the box and the necklaces
And as I sat there wondering
Why I never gave you the other half
I receive my answer in the form of humility
I should have believed in you
It's been 7 years...

You see I was not punishing you
I was punishing myself.
I take a deep breath that unburdens me
Tell you the things I never spoke out
To anyone else before
Let your gentle heart heal me
I let you make me better again
Like only you could.

So we start over
At the end of a bad year
I hold the box before you
"Do you remember this?"
Your eyes were blank
So I opened it
And handed you the other half
"It always belonged to you anyway;
You are the Raging Phoenix
Unhindered by the tallest flames
And I see you now"

The Ghetto Saint
Is what the Wisperers called you.
Don't you look at me that way
I think to myself
As I cut your flirt off.
It's not that you're not good enough.
It's that you feel nothing.
In and out of jail
You know what you did

And despite all of that
Look what you made!
There's a girl beside me
Who never did time
Because you made it so.
You save lives and speak truths.
To get their attention
And sooth them with your voice.

You may think
That your existance doesn't matter
But look what you made
There are children out on the street
Who know you'll watch over them
Who are every bit as unfortunate as you.
There are two girls close to my heart
Who are subjects of your
Skillful training and soft authoroty
Who you've never layed a hand on.

There's a gentle and kind
Childless father within you
Not that you ever treated me
As one of your protégés
But never the less
You watched over my sleep.
It's never been that you don't matter.
It's been that you think
That you don't matter.

It was kind of like
Walking in to a movie
Three generations were present
The father of the family
Age 78 or so sat by the table
He spoke his truth
To the pagan witch
And us, we just listened.

Your house spoke of love
It spoke of a tribe and a home
It said "ownership
Is for those who claim it"
For better or for worse
In awe I watched the result
Of your undying love
To your laid wife.

With all my power I drew
Calligraphies of your walls
Set a field of whatever it is
That souls set fields of.
I whispered words of comfort
In to it's foundation
And secrets of love and hope
In to this air.

I learned deeper compassion
And Tao Mastership
But you, you may have taught me
Something money can't buy:
Your unyielding devotion.
By your window sat two girls
Marveling at what has come to pass
In your lineage and how peaceful you made it.

We never knew it really existed.
But then I suppose that
That which we believe to be true
Will come to manifest in it's own time.
Your unyielding faith has come to prevail.
There's a smile and a warmth
As I hold this esoteric present in my palms.

All you need to do, is believe it.

"I'm not comfortable with eye contact"
I informed him as I looked around.
The ******-analyst, he just smiled
We'll circle back to that later...
I allowed the images to replay
Flow from my mouth
Like water falls flowing
Through the gap between my lips.

He kept his gaze on his notes
This chair is uncomfortable
Or maybe it's because he chose my seat...
Like a water dam that broke loose
In the depths of my mind
I remember the words
"If you **** yourself, I'll **** them all"
So I lived, saved lifes each night.

I made no attachment to whether they knew
They owed me nothing
Because they never knew...
So today I spoke out the past.
Not to earn up your obedience
But to make you recognize
That your temper has nothing on me.

Spill your guts and spit out your anger
My beloved sisters, but never...
Never talk down to me
I earned my bars and payed all of our dues.
I robbed you off your comfort zone
You're no longer the fittest
Does that mess with your self-esteem?

Well then you should not have
Based your self-value
On conquering cotton *****.
I'd honor your suffering
If you only had the *****
To honor mine.
Cry out your tears and take that tone
I dare you.
You're in the process of learning
To respect the hardships of others.

This is the other side of compassion.
It's called tough love.