It hit me almost like a car would
But a lot more softly.
I was walking down the street
To the ump-teenth job interview
As I noticed where I was standing.

I was on the other side of the street
Of where you intercepted me
About 6 years ago.
Vaguely I remembered
Having played around with you
We worked hard, we gamed hard.

"Where do I put this pallet?"
"Just there, in front of the computer"
I raised my eyebrows
and pushed the pallet
Right up against the computer.
"Here?"
"Yeah"

I smirked at you and released the switch
As to leave the pallet right up against the computer
"No! I meant with a gap so I can still work"
"I know what you meant!"
I turned on my tracks and ran off laughing.

It was high season
You could not have gotten your hands
On a transpallet with the best will of the world.
"Woman, I'm going to get you for this!"
Put your game face on sweetpants

You started driving me home
I was nervous and you could tell.
I waited for you that night
But you never came out
So I took the bus home.
okay maybe he's done playing
I thought to myself
As I crossed the road.

A blue Volkswagen Golf
Stopped on the crossway
It was green for me
What's your problem dude?
The lights turned on inside
It was you
"You need a ride?"
"I thought you went home"
"No but I chased the bus until here so I could drive you home from here on"

Thanks for getting my point
Thanks for all the years after
Thanks for your current commitment
Even though we broke up.
And thank you for always getting the message,
Even though you never listened.

Thank you for all the years you gave me
As a result of a game we used to play at work.
I love you, like good friends love each other.
With the same loyalty and commitment.
You haven't lost anything
It just changed.

In how many cases
Have you wondered
If that girl you want to ****
Is going to solve your insecurity
In how many cases
Have thought
That if you can nail this guy
It will make all you problems go away

You descend in to the belief
That love solves all problems
And I guess that would be true
To some extend
Because love is just that powerfull
But then I ask you
If at the end of the day
When you've conquered your conquest
Do you feel better now?

Or does the negativity
Just creep up on you again
This time in the form of
I still don't feel better
Or
I wonder is she is going to call me back

So was that the answer
Or was it just a shot term solution
For a bigger problem?
You can ride all the ***** you can catch
And **** all the ******* you can get your hands on
But in the end of the day
You'll still feel that same void
That can only be filled with what you, yourself decide to put in it.

I guess it's just like the Buddha said:
Who in this universe deserves your love and affection, if not you?

Scrolling through all the pictures
We took of ourselves
All up to no good
What kind other shenanigans
Could we still have gotten
Ourselves in?

For each insult
We had a laugh
For each injustice
We had a sarcastic remark
The memories flow through me
The pain inflicted upon us
And all the tears that flowed
As a result of chaos.

We broke rules and vows
The vows friends make
We broke each other's hearts
And we broke mindsets
Only to glue them back together
In the right order this time.

But beneath this all
There was something deeply personal and unrelated...

I trew a rock and an insult
Through the glass
That protected your ivory tower
I hated you for all the wrong reasons
And barricated myself in
For all the right reasons

But then when I lost
The will and the strength
To go through all the details again
The continuous rambling that goes through my brain
I found myself disarmed
In the fact that when it comes down to it

I just got my heart broken
And threw in my own windows
In the process of it all
Because I couldn't break any more of yours
The screams of pain
And the tears of sorrow
Have emerged from beneath the anger
And I have nothing left
To arm myself with against you.

If it handn't been for you
I would've never stood here
With all these women
Competing to find
The strongest Highlander
I doubt anyone here
Is an actual Highlander

The one with the temper
She's from Spain
The ultimate butch
Is an Algarian *******
Finland and Poland
Are represented
And you, we may never find out
Who gave life
To your exquisite existance

But as I sat down under the pear tree
With you "dominant girls"
I hear a soft whisper
I wish I could reach up and give you one
I smiled and whipered back
so do it

And sure enough
As we spoke beneath
The tallest pear tree
One fell down
And hit you on the sholder
We roared from laughter

I said grace
To the voices
For restoring my faith
In that one voice
Who always echoes
In the depths of my heart
The one who has always been
Out of reach and out of touch
And it's fine
Because he's here anyway.

It all felt beneath me
For a few hours
How did I become
This very person
Who I never believed
I'd be able to be?  

Like things that
Didn't match a certain level
Were not good enough for me
think long term
I whispered to myself
Then I saw it all happen again

The girl with a well established
Self-esteem and self-value
Run down to the ground
Only to rise up
Roaring like a lion
Tearing down obstacles
Left and right.

I tasted the greener grass
And it left a bitter taste in my mouth.
What if I was there
For no other reason
Than to learn self-respect.
Self-love...

For one can only define me
As I allow myself to be defined.
I have not failed
On an epic scale
I've conquered on an epic scale
And I rose above myself
And what I thought I needed.
It just wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

And so maybe it's time
To go back home
And rebuild these walls
I once caressed with gratitude
And acknoweldge
That they have always served me well
And they have always been
More than good enough

Like myself,
They've always been perfect.
For who will judge my life
In the end of the day
When the sun sets
On my withered body
As I lay myself
To my final resting place?
Surely it will be me and no one else.

All of this came back together
With the humble presence
Of the most precious friend
I have ever held close.
You smiled and grabbed the hand
Of your girl.
In that moment
I remembered all that was dear to me
And all I have ever been:

The girl who likes to walk bare foot
With a heart that longs
For peace and all that is
Sacred and sweet in this world.

It's been years
Since I lived
As much
As I've lived
In these few days
I have never felt
Such a release
Of pure force
As I did
Flipping over
A tracktor tyre
At the Highland Games
With you.
Included in the strongest team
And the nicknames
Keep pouring in.
I haven't received
Such a gift
From anyone
For a very long time.
And the ideas
Just keep piling up.
So then how
Can you claim
To not have your life
Figured out
While you
So effortlessly
Arrange mine
To make me
Happier and healthier?

I've been here everyday for a week
are you coming over
"Yeah"
It's like leaving home
To come home again.
It's never been far
And you're always in some kind of legal trouble.
Mohammed is in jail again.
Story of his life
And I'm sitting here across you
Next to your girl
She's really nice too
Once again, the same old shelter cat.
I'm tired of looking for a decend job.
But as I sit here across from you
There's a safety within me
That everything's going to be ok
I'll never go without
Because everything I have
Has always belonged to you, yours and mine.
And you would've given me
The shirt off your back
And did many times.
Someday I hope to bring you and yours
To a safe place, where you never have to worry again.
Not about money or your safety.
Just like you to for me, time and time again.