The day was suddenly cut in half
Somehow felt like it would.
"You can go home you know"
I shrudded my sholders and went.
As I took a seat in the bus
The whispers came around again.
go to the city
As it presented me
With a shopping list
That included everything
I always forget to buy
And then realise I don't need it that badly.

It agreed with my own reason
So then as I sat in the metro
I was presented with
The least efficiant solution:
Get off on the next stop
Who am I to argue?
hold your head high my child
You are making no sense
But sure...
And you know what?

I run in to you boys
More often than anyone
I've ever known.
Not even remotely surprised
I was being ignored
Nor was I in the slightest
Bothered by the girl
Who walked beside you
And glared at me for looking at you.
Who casually ignored my existance.

I don't really care much
About any of that
But for once it would be great
If you whisperers would stop
Leading me to these people.

The answer comes
In a form of a firm
*no

Normal
That's what you are before it happens.
Death is an abstract concept.
You may have thought about it.
You may have feared it.
But you never think
"Today I could die"

You never thought
Someone would violate
Your integrity
It was just an abstract concept.
You have thought about it
But never really felt it
You never thought
"Today someone might violate me"

But then it happens
I remembered nothing
There was an euphoria
Within me, like all was well
And a contradiction
Tells you to watch you step
hypervigilance

You make peace with death
You smile at it
if you have to have me, please be kind
You don't want it to hurt
So you learn to fight
And you learn to flight.
It's a brave new world

Things that nobody else
Sees as a problem
Send a panic through your gut
And you know it's not a big deal
but what if it is
what if it happens again
There's a new set of rules
As the adrenaline
Creates new pathways in your brain.
There's now a new set of rules
For what should be considered dangerous.

Right I want you to put all your negative thoughts into a bottle.
What sort of bottle.
Doesn’t matter what sort.
***** bottle do.
Jesus, yes.
Okay I’ve ran out of room.
You’re so predictable.
Just like you last night, standards are dropping.
That’s because I knew you were coming for a session today.
Think how I feel, all my thoughts in a bottle of *****.
Maybe I should hypnotise you.
How do I know you won’t interfere with me, you read about these things.
Take my word for it, I’m going to send you to sleep, then I’m going to join you.
How does that help me if we’re both asleep, you got a bit of telepathy going on here.
Yes, I’m going to put you into a trance, see if we can find you another guy.
What sort of guy are we talking about, I mean, I’ve already hit rock bottom with you.
Well in that case, we should be able to fix you up quite quickly.
I don’t know, what if he doesn’t understand my quirky sense of humour.
He’ll dump you then.
What, can he do that, just discard me, and me a broken woman already.
Afraid so, but then you can find another guy, and another.
My God, I’ll be the talk of the town, my bottle will be overflowing.
Just relax, breathe in, breathe out, stop doing that.
Doing what.
You’re thrusting your chest out, do you know what sort of guy that’ll attract.
Someone like you.
You don’t want to attract someone like me, you want someone dynamic, someone who’ll take you away from all this.
Have you got someone in mind.
Yes, I was talking to this nice chap in the Asylum yesterday.
Why is he in the Asylum.
He killed a snail.
My God, they put you in the Asylum for that.
No, he’s in for using a flamethrower.
What’s the snail got to do with it.
That was the trigger point.
So what happens if I upset him and it triggers something and he goes mad.
It won’t, I told him to put all his negative thoughts into your bottle.

The grey lady walks through the ranks, and stops
Touches the shoulder of the chosen one
And death rightly takes its place
I saw her a lot in the early years
Dutifully going about her business
It seemed like she was responsible for the deaths of thousands
Only once did she stop before me
But she just smiled before moving on
That always confused me
Was I not good enough
How did she know who to choose
I became reckless for a time
Challenging her to take me
She just smiled, before moving on
Dutifully going about her business
One day I felt it, the calling
So strong, I almost welcomed it
She walked through the ranks towards me
Stopping in front of me
I waited for her touch
She whispered in my ear
You’re one of the protected.

how is she better than I
Loosely translates to
how am I better than her*

The truth is
That all is fair
In love and war.
So if they love you
Let the past be
What it is.
What we need now
May not be
What we needed in the past
It may not even be
What we will need in the future
It is merely
What we need in this moment.
And it is always perfect
Other wise we would not
Have chosen for it.
Unless we stopped thinking
With our hearts
And chose to think
With our minds
It's a list of pros and cons
And when has that
Ever been a solution
In matters of the heart.

People always asked us
Why do you girls
Always look angry
Sorry it's our resting ***** face.
But perhaps it was
More the fact
That we took nothing
From no one.

A few saw through it
And became friends for life.
But there was also you
The boy from my class
From elementary school.
Ran in to you periodically
On the school yard
In high school

You hugged me
You always hugged me
We never talked much
We weren't close
But you hugged me
From your heart
And so one day
I asked you why.

And you smiled
And reminded me
That when everyone
Picked on you
For having warts on your nose
I sat by your side
And told you
You weren't disgusting.

I forgot about it
But you learned deep compassion
And quietly returned it to me
When I needed it the most.
*thank you

There I stood
About to join the back of the line
As our eyes met
You were the tiny guy
Looking quickly
From the corner of your eye
Almost like you had no right to.
I briefly made note
Of the shy glare
You threw at me
As I struggled with
A whole new warderobe
And some daring lingerie
For the hell of it.  

As I stood chatting
With the colorfull cashiere
It hit me: you're Kevin
The memories came flooding back
You and your brother
Chauffered us around
For a brief while
In the summer of 2007.
I always wondered
How someone with
A severe growth disorder
Managed to stay
So incredibly sweet.

You were always a good boy
5 years older than me
And 15cm smaller than me
Your brother always
Protected you from harm.
But now tell me...
Were you embarassed
When we played
"Pass the ice cube"
And I kissed you full on the mouth?
Understanding full well
That that was your first kiss.
I wasn't making fun of you
I merely felt that someone
With a heart like yours
Should've been kissed
A long time ago.