I was too independent and God broke me down, it was isolation and negativity. He can't work in self-reliance, because without him you can do absolutely nothing. God design us to co-depend on community and co- depend on Him. You can be secure and dependent on God. He never created us to walk alone.

My home is a mess
literally and emotionally
I think my dad secretly hates me
Just like how I’ve hated my dad all these while
Absent father, no emotional support
My mother care too much, and always invalidates my emotions and experiences
What’s the point of giving birth,
If you’re not going to support the child?
Why was I even born into this unhealthy family
***** for me

Everything is embarrassing
You’re always at the back of my mind
I almost died of embarrassment

Everything that you’ve experienced was not the real experience of who I am
I’ve been wanting to tell you what you’ve experienced but it never happened

I never had the chance
I am sorry for our loss and I know we could never turned back in time
But if you ever wants to connect again,
You are in it for a wild story, maybe another podcast.

You don't have to.
Stop.

Your value is not
In your work,
In your past,
In your finance,
In your relationship.

You don't have to earn anything,
Your being is your value.

You are loved without
any works of your own.

Took a break from life
Because life almost took me away
Now I’m moving along again
It was draining when I had to pause
Because it never happened before
It felt like a crash a sudden abrupt stop
I was left alone and lost
But after 3 years I found life again
The life God gave me in 2003
And now everyday I just want to go only if he’s with me.

I am not self-made.
I am God-made.
I belong in Christ.

We are not the center of our Universe.
You are not at the center of it all.
Jesus Christ should take center of it all.
He holds all things together.
He’s the true center of it all.

Music was very much part of my life
I grew up with a Walkman and a mp3 player
I listens to my parents favourite songs
It brought me through places
It played the right beat at the right time
It hid me in low times
And it even brought me to my lowest point in life
When I was feeling high and unconscious
It was quite a journey
I almost gave up on music but it saved me again

I can.
I am creative.
I can create.

We just cannot clicked,
We are just blood related,
That’s fine, we don’t have to live in relation to each other.
What’s the point, we never changed for the other.
What’s the point, if you’ve never been there to raise me up or to see me grow up.
Anyway it doesn’t changed the past,
And I don’t have any hope for our future.

I listens to white noise like l'm in an airplane, It keeps me safe. I travel through space, like bubbles in air. I switch off to airplane mode, the mode to get away to be with you.

I declare I’m a masterpiece.
If you say so, so it will be.
Only your truth matters.
PTL.

I dance in the dark, soft lit pulses against my skin
The rush of dopamine I’m into,
The kind of love the world worships—
Feeling good, romantic drama, hangover
And a whole lot of bedtime revenge, fight me!
Swinging to the noisy static of artificial stimulation

Let’s play a game, no rules, no winners
It’s already rigged— chaos
Played it anyway, under the dark eclipse
Alchemy in motion, we tell ourselves,
“You bet, we are in full control”

It’s already ‘25 and we are still here
Push me, chock me ‘till I pass out
Lip-stick stained, soft aesthetic,
Still not outdated, late night fantasy of lies

Let’s be real, nobody can make me feel
Dancing in the moonlit night
Altered reality, the homicide of self
You die, I die— the fall of quick highs

That’s what’s terrifying
Tragedies, I love them anyway

Can I hide in a comfy quiet space or with a soft instrumental bgm to read a book or magazine all day? Good food and a cup of ice white coffee. Nice scenery, starburst and sparkles. Date night  with authors and  late night at museums and galleries that open past midnight.

Every second of our life matters,
Even now.
Especially here.
Even until the very end.

You will not be forgotten,
memories will live on.

You were here, once held—
Just enough to say:
“I’m here, fully lived”

The clock didn’t tick— it pulsed.

Each second,
a slow breathing.
Each breath,
a final offering.

There was love—
Did you show up?
Suffering—
Did you feel it?
Stillness—
Did you live?
Laughter—
And not without ache

The weight of it all,
No longer with spoken words.

Time becomes memory.
One last breath,
just quietly
slipping away.

In the ward
They said I wanted to run away
I told him I was attached
Blurry chaos, scribbling my unorganised thoughts
I was attached to the sound happening inside my head
No one let me go

Her favourite flowers, frozen in time.
Crying blooms fill the air—
a field of wildflowers and grasses.
Above, the golden sun sets in.

She runs barefoot off the path,
mischief and dirt on her knees,
dancing in the most unlikely places.

The Gardener tends to the soil.
He watches over the field,
smiling—
He is not afraid of her mess.

As she chases butterflies,
breeze in her braided hair,
sunlight softly guiding her steps.

(I)
Weariness my constant guest
Uninvited but settling in my chest
Slowing and thinning me; weak
I wish, somehow this lifeless ghost,
a shadow lingering in my body would drift away from my skin and let me rest.

(II)
Gray mornings
Weariness becomes my companion
Diluted white coffee
Wish you were here with me

The Lord said I don't want you to just achieve your goals, I want to commune with you every day. I want you to be in my presence daily. I want you to seek me and love me. I want fellowship. Christ work has brought restoration to communion with God and man. Emmanuel, Emmanuel, God with us.

TikTok Therapists
Played out a parody in my head
They made me swiped for gags of my sorrow
Millennials would say Tumblr was their therapists,
that’s what he told me
#relate
You will overcome the death of your feelings
Hold on to the future where it only gets better

You live in my mind rent free
You’re wasting my time
Making a mental note to myself,
“Satan comes to ****, steal and destroy”
You come and go

The ocean waves, a cloudy breeze, feeling blue.
I’ll picture us, beach towel on soft sand, just us two. Paint my mind with colours, don’t let it fade.
It can make my day, we might never be together.
I’ll imagine your love in the air, captured in this moment. Somewhere in the grand design— maybe, just maybe the universe and cosmo are pulling us closer.

When they don’t want to love themselves.
When they are in the mood, they think they love.
When they can’t see love.
It’s hard to love when there is nothing lovely.
You love the parts they can’t see for themselves.
You love because you had your share of love.
Not to fix them.
But to be there for them,
Just to show love.

A child in an adult body, senseless, hopeless, fixed mindset. Destine for self-sabotaged, defined by mediocrity. Stuck in a loop, bound to the past. Chained to their own haunted thoughts, weighing them down in the trapped of replayed memories. Unable to break free; no vision of the future.