I dance in the dark, soft lit pulses against my skin
The rush of dopamine I’m into,
The kind of love the world worships—
Feeling good, romantic drama, hangover
And a whole lot of bedtime revenge, fight me!
Swinging to the noisy static of artificial stimulation

Let’s play a game, no rules, no winners
It’s already rigged— chaos
Played it anyway, under the dark eclipse
Alchemy in motion, we tell ourselves,
“You bet, we are in full control”

It’s already ‘25 and we are still here
Push me, chock me ‘till I pass out
Lip-stick stained, soft aesthetic,
Still not outdated, late night fantasy of lies

Let’s be real, nobody can make me feel
Dancing in the moonlit night
Altered reality, the homicide of self
You die, I die— the fall of quick highs

That’s what’s terrifying
Tragedies, I love them anyway

I was too independent and God broke me down, it was isolation and negativity. He can't work in self-reliance, because without him you can do absolutely nothing. God design us to co-depend on community and co- depend on Him. You can be secure and dependent on God. He never created us to walk alone.

Can I hide in a comfy quiet space or with a soft instrumental bgm to read a book or magazine all day? Good food and a cup of ice white coffee. Nice scenery, starburst and sparkles. Date night  with authors and  late night at museums and galleries that open past midnight.

(I)
Weariness my constant guest
Uninvited but settling in my chest
Slowing and thinning me; weak
I wish, somehow this lifeless ghost,
a shadow lingering in my body would drift away from my skin and let me rest.

(II)
Gray mornings
Weariness becomes my companion
Diluted white coffee
Wish you were here with me

TikTok Therapists
Played out a parody in my head
They made me swiped for gags of my sorrow
Millennials would say Tumblr was their therapists,
that’s what he told me
#relate
You will overcome the death of your feelings
Hold on to the future where it only gets better

In the ward
They said I wanted to run away
I told him I was attached
Blurry chaos, scribbling my unorganised thoughts
I was attached to the sound happening inside my head
No one let me go