A 14 year old girl running away from home, to a older man in his 40's,
The two lived with each other, in a junkyard, with a trailer they called home,
****, *******, heroine, pills they did
Then...
She got pregnant with a girl who was me,
Unfortunately she didn't stop the use of drugs,
Somehow I survived,
With a baby in the place, things did not change,
Parties, drugs, alcohol, people came,
With an innocent baby in a messed up place, I was given drugs and touched by strangers hands in a forbidden place,
My birth to this world.

My whole life I've been strucked by lightning and have always survived,
As years gone by I dug a hole to hide all that caused me pain,
They went to a locked file in my brain.

Im crippling apart, but saying everything is "PERFECT,"
I dont want to face the truth, the truth of my past that terrifies me,
I just want to pretend that nothing bad ever happened.

Situations got better, Im beyond pleased
But...
The the locked file unleashes memories,
New information comes to me.

Im being strucked down by the lightning once again, repeatedly.

I'm loveing you once again

Sad, distroyed, upset I am
Pain, memories are getting stronger than they were
Monsters, demons are coming alive once again
Oh no...
Here goes to the past I once lived in...

I'm thinking bad thoughts
Thoughts about hurting my self like I did in the past
Great... It's starting
I'm in pain crying
I need help!
I'm taking to many steps back!

I want to feel the blood dripping down my arm as I scream and holler in pain!
I want to tear my skin apart and start new scars that would appear once again!
STOP!
I want to start making myself throw up like I did in the past
Not to make me skinny, but for the pain it gives me when I'm too under weight!
Please stop...
I want to do something dangerous that would put me in the hospital for months!
Please don't say it...please stop...
I want to die! Please by anything at all! I want my body all ****** and my guts to be everywhere, but it has to be a painful death!
(Crying)

I want the pain to come alive again because I deserve it...
I DESERVE IT!

I was sleeping, then I woke up
I heard a creak at my door
I quickly put the blanket over me
But it was my dad, so I said hi
But he grabbed me and pulled me aside
I said, what, what is it daddy?
He said, hush my princess
He started rubing my back then to my skin
That's where it all begined
I thought I was getting a night rub, but it turned into something that was not right
He reached for something, in his back pocket
It was ducktape
He thrashed ontop of me
ducktaped my mouth shut
Then and there the worse thing that could posibily happen
Just happened to me

I'm sorry

I'm sorry I cant do this anymore, living day to day
I'm sorry that I'm a disgrace
I'm sorry I fell in love with you
I'm sorry that I'm boring, that I'm just bland
I'm sorry that I have scars all over my body
I'm sorry I am lame
I'm sorry that I am this way
I'm sorry I am like this
I'm sorry for saying sorry
I just can't do this anymore....

The darkness is a dangerous place. It's where demons and monsters crawl into your mind, to distroy the things you build up in time, but be careful to not venture far or chaos will fall