i know how it works-

my eyes will burn into the sacred light and
drip tears like the Holy candle on the altar

my hand will grip my other so tight
i'll wonder if i'm actually trying to hold onto faith-
Godly faith

my lips become red and cold
like i'm kissing the holy grail
only it's cupped with holy ice

my throat starts to become dry and i wish
i could drink all the wine He gave
to be drunk
so i could forget about you

my chest caves in on its self  like it's
an ancient religious pagan dome

my ears start to ring
i'll block out you're voice in my head
like the bells before communion, like a priest's sermon

i get scared though that He won't help me if i think like this-
deadly mortal sin at it's finest-

i focus my mind again to pray
hoping somewhere along the line
He'll give you to me

He doesn’t write poems but you hope he loves you like you love poems one you hope he see you like a symphony, like a sculpture, like paint or clay, like something he can get his hands on. you hope hes painting you in colors that dont even exist just so he can give them a name. you hope he see you like every sunset he has ever missed. you dont understand the way he thinks but you hope he thinks of you often.. i hope you think of me as art something not  known in your mind but something so grand in mine , your  mind consumed of hip hop mine consumed of ideological things , It's easy to like how his voice is unique in the most uncomfortable way possible or how everything is uncomfortable to me his kiss was of gold Staining my neck with the mark  of innocence lost , of course lost far before he was in the picture , forever is a big word and love is a long time Lets write ourselves a poem I lose myself in words  , often more often then anyone wants I don't understand the word ‘love’ because when I was 13 years old I was forced to believe in it as people you learn to trust ******* in the most literal sense but in you I see colors ive never seen before something that makes me happy yet so ******* sad to know I have emotions left when ive tried and tried to just not feel anymore  everyone always talks about people leaving, but it seems like I'm the one who leaves with an inability to handle disappointment but with you I see something far more different

i see you!
dive under the concrete road
under the dirt tightly packed
there i am!
rise above the translucent skyline
up up up
there i am!
i care for you
but
you don't care about me
i love you
but i should hate you

if energy cannot be destroyed or created,
than we have always existed
and we will always exist.

this is both a comforting and terrifying understanding of forever.