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You won't love me 'til you're lonely
You won't see me 'til you know
You won't know me 'til you're ready
You won't be ready 'til you grow

In the daylight I am open
Floating light and free and true
Chasing after your shadows
Just to get closer to you

But when the sun's descended
And your shadow is no more
I'm down on my hands and knees
Groping and the frigid floor

I'm reaching out to touch you
Though you don't know I'm around
So I'll just wait until your ready
And caress your shadow from the ground
I don't want to fall asleep because I know I'll dream of you.
I'll dream of words I want you to say and things I want to do.
My subconscious will cease to censor all my thoughts deep down within,
And my wants and lusts and cravings will resurface once again.

I don't want to close my eyes because of the guilt I'll feel upon
Awakening from unholy dreams and returning to the dawn.
I don't want to feel your touch, so raw, so real, intense,
'Cause I woke from it some months ago and lusted for it sense.

The first time that I dreamt of you, teasing  me so well...
Lips against my neck, fingertips floating at my hips: the moment that I fell.
Reality is so cruel now that I've fake-felt your flesh on mine,
Because in my dreams we writhe and flex, our bodies intertwined.

So I don't want to fall asleep. I don't want to have those dreams.
For when I wake, I'm still untouched in lonesome reality.
Every time you look at me
I feel another layer of skin peel away
And I know it's only a matter of time
Until your eyes
So deep and blue - I'm drowning -
So wise
So knowing
So curious
Begin to peel back the muscle, too
Until I'm naught but bone

My clothes that I layer on in fear
Are worthless
You've seen past my facade and now
I've nowhere to hide
And I do so wish I could hide

You scare me with what you know
You scare me more with what you don't
Which is little
But I don't know what you feel!
Do you feel?
You've seen past my walls
And my clothes
And my skin
And my muscle
And my bones
So you can see my soul
But what do you see?
My naked body can only be seen
By he who has already fallen in love with my naked soul
But you've claimed it all

My everything is out in front of you
And in this dim light
I search your face for some emotion
A sign that you DO feel something
For this body
For this mind
For this person you've so meticulously picked apart

But as your eyes finally meet mine
All I see is boredom
So you turn and slowly leave
And now I'm left here
Still drowning
So naked and vulnerable
That I cannot move
To cover myself back up.
Now that I see, I'm glad that you're gone
Happy that you left me here to rot
For now i remember some that you've done
And to me you are worth less than naught

Though when you left, I begged you to stay
And my world came crumbling down
I'm so happy now that you've gone away
For I can be my own person without you telling me how

If I see you again, there won't be hate in my eyes
Though I may tense with  some fear
You can't hurt me again. I survived.
And my soul is slowly becoming more clear

So let me tell you one thing, before i go
While paper is still under my pen
Sisters, there's nothing tying you down, so
Never bend to the wills of angry men.
The brain is amazing, its powers and strengths
Its ability to hide what it knows
But I wish mine had hidden for longer a length
Some of the things it's beginning to show

Like you trashing my house in search of a letter
From "him" that didn't exist
Or that you always felt infinitely better
After kissing my body with fists

Or maybe the time I cowered in the corner
Pinned down by your knees and your eyes
With a knife to my throat when I disobeyed orders
That threatened to just let me die

But the worst part, I think, are the things still blank
The memories that refuse to come out
What else did you do? What more did you take?
Besides replacing all love in me with doubt

What drug did you use to poison my mind?
And to taint my most innocent of hearts?
Regret, pain and sorrow are all you can find
Since you've torn me limb from limb, apart.
The roller coaster of you and I
Did not go just up and down
Flips and turns of blinding rage
Took us crashing to the ground

I hate you. I love you. I need you. Just leave.
You couldn't make up your mind
Did I not see it? Or just not believe?
That I was the one in a bind.

My friends called "Abuse" whilst my family turned, Blind
From the havoc that covered my skin
Any way out I searched, but naught to find
My nightmare was about to begin
In the beginning, you were sweet and kind
Left "good morning" and "you look beautiful today" notes
What others had said 'bout you was far from my mind
They were wrong, they didn't know of your dreams and hopes

Naive and young, I drank it in
Accepted each and every thing you said
I began to fall, I was stumbling
As visions of you and i danced in my head

But you had other plans, I guess
Which was okay, I gave you space
I cleaned up many a heartbroken mess
And provided a safe and constant place

Three years of pining after thee
Wore my backbone frail and thin
And the first time you reached out and struck me
Something black began to grow within

It clawed at my ribs and blood dripped down
Mixed with tears and shame
But with my heel I shoved it to the ground
For your love was worth the pain
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