Lesley Rautenbach

Lesley Rautenbach Dec 2012

Once upon a fairy time,
I was yours and you where mine,
Once upon a eerie time,
I was hurt and were fine,

Once upon a distant past,
I cried hard and you ran fast,
Once upon a nearer now,
Will I ever love again?
Today and how?

Once upon a then and there,
I believed in you and that you cared,
Once upon a here and now,
I want to love him but my heart knows not how,

Once upon a pain so gone,
You took my faith with all your wrong,
Once upon a love anew,
Is he true or another you?

Once upon a gone and done,
Your love so true our stories pun,
Once upon a stories beginning,
From him my hearts doorbell is ringing,

Once upon it all gone bad,
You left me broken, hurt and sad,
Once upon a day anew,
Could he be all thats true,

Once upon it all dead and gone,
I’m falling again after pain too long.

Lesley Rautenbach Dec 2012

Only So Much One Can Do

With every chance I take,
My ignorance of you I fake,
They say to be seen,
One must remain un-keen,

And so every day I dote upon you in silence,
And you to my theory I only receive defiance,

Am I so transparent?
That you see through these ways,
Is it my make believe so apparent,
That your mind never in my direction sways,

Or is that I blend in,
And my ignorance of you,
Just wears my invisibility even more thin,
I remain known and never noticed as new,

I remain here,
But I remain the quiet ******* her own,
I remain visible to those who’ve chosen me dear,
But as your company I leave you as alone,

Am I so see through and so blurred?
So Unnoticeable and just not there?
am I just never heard?
Or is it that you just don’t care.

Is that I am nothing more?
As that quiet girl you’ll never adore,
Is it that I’m nothing less?
Just that girl below your best,

Is it that I am only me?
Nothing else to dote,
And nothing more to see,
Is that your name I can’t promote?

I blame my tongue,
My heart so stung,
But more I blame is you,
Because there’s only so much one can do.

Lesley Rautenbach Dec 2012

Please Oil the Creaks

Creak, Creak, Creak
My heart has become rusted,
It screams from neglect,
And the dust that has clustered,

Clatter, Clatter, Crash,
As its part fall to the floor,
Clatter, Clatter, Crush,
As a whole it is no more,

Groan, Creak, Groan,
As it presses on through the strain,
Groan, Creak, Groan,
No longer new it doesn’t work the same,

Groan, Creak, Groan
Clatter, Clatter,
Groan, Creak, Groan,
Clatter, Creak,
Groan & CRASH!*

Everything comes tumbling down,
With one large steel thrash,
Streaming smoke of brown,
Starts to fill the air of the bash,

A heart worn out,
Because a owner could not hear its shout,
That begged her from the start,
To please oil the creaks in her heart.

Lesley Rautenbach Dec 2012

Sorry from a Lover wher love is Lacked

I’d like to apologize,
Say sorry,
That you weren’t enough,
And sorry,
That with your heart I was rough,

It is no excuse,
That I saw no other choice,
But it’s the truth,
I listened to protections voice,

You might not believe me,
And I don’t wish you to,
My actions where in the long run,
To protect you,

You clung so hard,
So long,
So true,
On something,
That before it even started was through,

I didn’t feel it right you see,
To use you for your hospitality,
You saw me broken winged,
Raw and skinned,

And so your heart it bled for me,
And me? I was dead you see,
Your sympathy it killed me,
It scared me away and chilled me,

I wanted none of that,
None of your sympathy love,
And so I had to shove,
I couldn’t love you thereof,

I lacked anything after him,
I had no essence,
And with you my patience ran thin,

I wanted you to walk away,
Forget me,
Who your heart at their feet had lay,
I trampled it,
With carelessness,
With anger and incompetence,

I never meant to,
It was not my plan,
But my heart screamed don’t hurt,
And my mind screamed be ******,

I’m sorry that I hurt you,
Pushed you away so hard,
I am sorry that I broke you,
But I just couldn’t handle it with a heart I barred.

I am sorry that I’ll never care as much,
Never want what you do,
But I have things of my own concern,
And as I did so you too must learn,

Its sad but true,
That you won’t always be loved back,
Its pain and tears blue,
From a lover where love is lacked.

Lesley Rautenbach Dec 2012

Stop Looking Past Me

Why?
Why am I not good enough to catch your eye?

Sure she dresses more feminine,
But I wrestle best in denim.

Sure she’s tall and elegant,
But I am short and my free spirit’s evident,

Yes ok she’s gorgeous,
With all the time she spends to look flawless,
But I’m ok with my little bit of eyeliner,
Because it’s not my definer,

Sure she laughs at everything you say,
Thinking she’s putting her sense of humour on display,
But I can laugh too,
And still take you serious because my thoughts are true,

Sure she acts naïve,
But my “blonde” moments are genuine,
I don’t need to make believe,
Because I know what I can and cannot achieve,

Yes she makes you believe she’s exactly what you want,
Without her to breath you simply can’t,
And you believe her because she believes herself,
Until your belief to want her, your mind engulfs,

She’s a so called "GODS gift to men",
And those who oppose this she will condemn,
And girls like me who can’t stand a chance,
Well I’m overwhelmed If you just grace me with a second glance,

But I am gift too you know,
I am the high spirits to all you owe,
If only deeper you would look,
You’d see what patients it took,

I’m a gift too,
Because I have not lied to you,
I’m not making u believe I am "perfect"
Because that is not in any way correct,
I am only human,
I am real,
I am a human,
And like you I feel,

So stop it,
Stop looking past me,
In your world she does not fit,
Cant you that see,

Stop looking over my head,
Stop searching for another,
Before my love is dead,
And you want me but my hearts with any other.

Stop looking past me…

Lesley Rautenbach Dec 2012

A Women Scorned

Winters weeping wonders,
Of emotions seeping ponders,
Pain so deep,
And hearts so worn,
Fruits we reap,
And souls forlorn,

Winters cold,
And winters gain,
A thought so bold,
A mind insane,
A Woman scorned,
Man and creature alike,
Be warned,

Winters sorrows,
And winters mourning,
Bitter cold frostbitten warning,
Abandoned hollows,
Frozen wants,
A need so strong,
Winters wait prolongs,

Winters storms,
And winter moan,
Frosted rages warmth,
Ever growing,
And so the depth,
Ever sowing,

And so the fruits once warm,
And ripe,
Now cold and bitter,
A rotten infested type,
A Woman scorned,
Be warned,
Man and creature alike…

Lesley Rautenbach Dec 2012

Dear Grandpa That I Never Knew

Dear Grandpa that I never knew,
Mommy told me so much about you,
Sorry that you couldn’t watch me grow,
Or in my childhood much could sow,

But Mommy did once a tale me tell,
Of how you made her laugh
and picked her up when she fell,

you taught my mommy of what people to one can do,
while you did live,
So Grandpa thank you
for the love to mommy you did give,

Grandpa its always been strange to hear,
How mommy does in her memories hold you dear,
I can’t help but wonder how you where,
to cause mommy when she speaks of you to cry that single tear,

Mommy said she was always one of the boys,
But you taught her she was beautiful and to keep her poise,
she was too teased for not being thin,
but you taught her who she was, was what made her win,

Of all her knowledge once belonged to you,
The songs she sings and all she holds true,
Her love for nature and ones soul,
But grandpa your death on mommy did take its tole,

So Grandpa though your absents makes her blue,
Mommy say she owes who she is all to you,

So My Grandpa by no other name,
Thank you,
Because otherwise Mommy wouldn’t be the same,

But dear Grandpa I Never Knew,
but my heart through mommy's touched,
You should know that mommy loves you,
very much,

And though I don’t know you grandpa dear,
When I see mommy cry her single tear,
I know I’d have loved you lots too,
Because mommy’s love for you was and still is so true.