I know you're bad for me, but the smell of your skin intoxicates me

I know you're bad for me, but my thirst for the salty taste of you will never be quenched

I know you're bad for me, but the way you take my breath away with every kiss leaves me wanting more

I know you're bad for me, but the mere site of your body makes me need to touch you

I know your bad for me, but I will be burned by your fire over and over just to feel the way our bodies perform their exotic dance of pleasure

I know you're bad for me, but I want you anyway

You've listened enough to know what to say
Your words cut deep as you fire your stored ammunition
I thought I was unveiling my soul and finally sharing myself completely
You were filing away the daggers you would later hurl back at me
Please don't leave me, it's you I beg

Your voice is rising, the insults growing more nasty with each octave
I search my mind for ways to fix all you say is wrong as my tears fall
You feel like you're settling, you can do so much better than me
I'm desperate to figure out what you need me to be and transform myself
Please don't leave me, I plead with you

You're making excuses, why do I make you hurt me like this, it's my fault
I try to remember what I said or did that pushed your buttons this time
You stand over me yelling for me to stop crying and hand me a napkin
It's then that I see the blood dripping on the bedspread and wipe my nose
Please don't leave me, my voice a whisper and you not even listening

You pack your bags to go as I beg and plead for you to stay
I know there's someone else and I say that it's ok, I'll say anything
You say you've had enough of me, crying, whining, making you feel bad
I say I'll change, I can't live without you, I'll love you better, I promise
Please don't leave me, I sob as the door closes in my face

You leave me with nothing but dried blood on the bedspread and tears
I wonder how I can go on without you and how I'll be able to breathe
Breathe, every breath so thick it sticks in my chest
I can't go on without you, no more breath, the razor slides across my skin
Please leave me, now it's my blood and my existence I'm speaking to

As the water in the tub turns from clear to crimson, it's his face I see
I start to sink down, it's then I begin to wonder if it was really all my fault
I hear his words, remember my tears, feel his fist, ******* blood
It wasn't me, I think this much too late and I need to stop it but I can't
Please don't leave me, it's me that I'm pleading with now, or maybe it's God

I realize as my conscious fades that I was not the problem
I deserved better and didn't see it, he cast such a large shadow I saw nothing but him
His words were the only truth I could hear, his actions all for my own good
How could love blind me so, how could I choose so quickly to go
Please don't leave me, my life is ebbing from my veins and my pleas are not answered, they are too late

Another year gone by
This would've been our ninth
But you left this world before our third
I still remember our wedding day
My dress, your tux, our vows
Vows, til death do us part
You chose death and our fairytale ended
Ripped from the storybook
Crumpled and discarded
Me left alone with only memories of you
This day I remember our wedding
But another anniversary has overshadowed this one
That is the one of your death
A day so burned on my soul that I still smell the singed remnants of our future lost
Today on what would've been, what could've been
I imagine and I dream of things that will never come to be
Happy lonely anniversary to me

Suicide Fight

You yell, I yell louder
I reason, you ignore
You're fading and I'm plotting
I need to stop this somehow

I say I can't live without you
You say that I'll be fine
I know this isn't true
I need to stop this before it's too late

You tell me to go, I refuse
If you're going, I'll go with you
Please don't leave me here
I have to stop this now

Too strong to overpower, I'm too weak
The gun is out now and I sense the time is near
I've said all I can think to say
I have to stop this please

Why can't you take me with you
I beg, I plead, I cry
I don't want to stay without you
I can't stop this I realize

I hear the shot deafening in my ears
I can't reconcile it with my brain
This isn't happening
I couldn't stop this, I failed

First Love Rekindled

That first look
That first smile
The embrace so many years lost
The way it feels like no time has passed
The perfect fit of my frame in his arms
Arms I haven’t felt in so long
The stolen glances as we walk along
The familiarity of his face, his eyes, his smile, his voice
The flutter in my chest as we’re seated facing one another
I wonder if he feels my stare, whether he senses my nervousness at his closeness
I notice the way the light shines in his eyes as he watches me so attentively
A glass of wine for me, a beer for him and we begin to relax
The smiles never leave our faces but the conversation continues more easily
Then I put my hand on his arm, an action done thousands of times years ago, and there it is
That chemistry so powerfully charged it’s palpable
I wonder if those around us can feel what’s happening in such close proximity to them
He is feeling the same sensation, I can see it in those eyes that had such power over me in the past
I imagine what his mouth would taste like on mine, will it be the same
I wonder how his body would feel enveloping mine, this starts a physical reaction beyond control
I want to taste his lips and feel his hands on my body
As soon as we’re alone I am powerless against my attraction to him, my need for him, once again
Years melt away as our lips find their way back to the place they used to know so well
And I am that young girl again aching for his hands to navigate their way over my body
I want to feel his reaction to me, so I take him into my hands and it sends my body into overdrive
I have to feel him inside me, I have to know if we still fit perfectly together
Inside the constricted space of his car, I straddle him and he’s inside me
Every memory of him comes flooding back as we devour each other sexually and emotionally
His mouth and hands relearn every inch of my body as I slide up and down the length of him
Finally in ecstasy, I pull him deeper into me, throbbing around him and he explodes inside me
I collapse into his embrace, both of us sweating, hearts pounding, heads spinning
I can’t believe we ever let anything keep us apart for so long
But I had found my way back to this place, this man, I didn’t realize I missed so much
A place where, as a girl, I lost myself and now, as a woman, I found myself again
I would never let him go this time, with him is where I belonged
First Love is powerful, it’s impulsive, it’s insatiable, it’s unforgettable, and it never ends
In fact, no matter how much time passes, it can always begin again