Music notes float softly one by one from the ceiling while I lay in bed dancing between universes.
Thoughts of sadness, thoughts of madness, creep up my spine like the knives of Brutus,
while joyous dreams and hopeful themes flow through my blood like angels unraveling blackened seams...

So in this state I lay in patience while the music rains softly down and emotion trickles all around but I'm not scared for somewhere in the shadows you are there...

The world is full of bears and rabbits.
Migrating in caves and starting bad habbits.
If one should eat the others flesh,
would they take on another distress?
For when you crawl inside a stranger's skin
the world seems more or less in sin.
And though your heart may seem more pure
don't make the assumption,
"I'm here to cure."...

The ******* beings in the shade
can't understand why leaves can fade
and whsipering children in the sun
are puzzled by why shadows run.
Look to the west, look to the east,
there waits a grand and splendid feast.
Gaze to the north,
gaze to the south
and let the silence fill your mouth.
We all are children of the green
whose faces will remain unseen.
So try to see a different view
besides what settles just for you.

the hallways are shallow
faces pass by-
another person i don't know

i habitually scan each person's expressions
to see if they're as blank as yours
nobody is quite like you

with your long hair
dark like tree bark
and your definite smokers cough
that you never held back from me

as you ran your fingers through my hair
constantly having a pack of marlborlo silvers
peeking out of your back pocket

it's not quite the same without you,
i hate to admit

but if you returned,
you'd just add another cigarette hole in my heart

The hull is full of skeletons but I cannot prove a thing,
so instead I'll heave around the lines and softly start to sing.
Perhaps they'll send me to the brig
or have me dance a gallows jig.
but either way, I'm here to stay
until my body fades away.

So fellow sailors start to chant, I want t hear your voices.
They mean more to me than you will ever know.



*I'll be gone for a while but I'll be back...

I do feel in another time.
The cultures of a life long past mine,
the voices long dead and the thoughts of those who once questioned the reason of living and the mystery of dying linger here where we think we rule.
I can breathe the same air, think the same thoughts...
Ghosts become ghosts and we carry the past in all our movements.

Every step we take may not be in the exact footprint as those who came before us, but they are in the same dirt.

It is a good death that I die today.
The sun is speaking with warmth to clouds who
drift along to hear the tales.
The waters flow with guidance from the wind
and the trees sigh with delight.
You are standing before me and the silence is overwhelming.
I stare into your eyes and you smile softly
vanishing with the leaves.
It is a good death that I die today.
My footfalls leave no trace and the faces pass me by.
So full of wonder, full of life,
but hard to see through eyes that strain,
minute by minute,
adjusting to a world so bright,
it seems so dark...
It is a good death that I die today,
to come from a shout in the everlasting black mystery,
a lonely heartbeat surviving in the cold;
a place where stars fall and children whisper dreams...

With all hope I will be alive by tomorrow afternoon,  if not, well... tell the folks back home I am worth more than a bank statement and a birth certificate.

tell me what keeps you awake at 2 am
whether it’s the girl who took the knife of her absence and stabbed it into your sternum
or the loneliness that swallows your skin

play the one song which releases the floodgates in your eyes
and let me listen to it over and over again
until i find which line makes your heart drop to your stomach

describe the story of your body to me
tell me of the invisible scars too
and with each detail you describe
i will make a map
so i know which road bumps to avoid
or which holy sites to fall to my knees and kiss the ground of

remember that
i wear a mask brimming with self confidence and an armor of words that are both easy to tear for they were thin like tissue to begin with
i am sensitive
taking to hurt the way a sponge absorbs water

do not hide me behind closed doors or keep me entrapped in bed sheets
when you walk past me, do not pull your hood over your head and avert your gaze
i need you to look at my eyes as if they illuminated the entire world
and kiss my lips as if they are what allow you to breathe

open the door.
bring me flowers.
because the only boy who did either was my 5th grade boyfriend

be willing to meet my family and friends
for they were the ones who created the marble statue whom you marvel at today

take note of how my heart is a reflection of myself
how she is too kind and will kiss the same man who tore her in two
so please do not say words which will make her wings flutter
if you are not ready to be the nest she flies to

let me know that me, as myself, i am enough
that i do not need to be a chameleon
dipping myself in new colors each day to please you

remember the little things about me
like how my first phrase i uttered was shut up to a man in an elevator or the delight i take in handwritten letters and mix CDs, or the significance of my first tattoo
because everything about you is being etched into the walls of mind
so that i can never forget

trace your fingers with a loving tenderness over my scars from the times i transformed my body into a crucifix
pinning my hands and feet onto a cross out of habit
thinking love was a word synoymous with self sacrifice

you must learn my language
know what zips my lips into silence
know the difference between when i want to give up versus when i will actually do so
and be there to hold me when the seams start to unravel

if you want me to love you
know that many have tried and failed
that people like me are not meant to be soft
if you want me to love you
know that to me
love is not a word you spit out of your mouth and juggle in your hands
you need to promise that our love won’t be like an hourglass
for my body has been disfgured enough from the times my chest turned inside out from the pang of abadonment
if you want me to love you
reaffirm my body is a kindgom, my heart is the treasure, and that i am your queen
paint pictures for me in what you do and say
telling me i am worthy to be loved, worthy to be kept, and worthy to stay

but if you really want me to fall in love with you
tell me what you see right before you close your eyes at night to fall asleep
and if you tell me it’s me
i will fall unfathomably further for you than i already have

Feathers, butterflies—
In old garden wings fluttering,
  .  .  .  Fond angels embrace.