I heard that he was insane
That his feelings were uncontrollable
I heard he committed suicide
It sounds so incredibly horrible
I heard he was seeing a shrink
I heard he thought he was fine
I heard he told him,
told him he could call anytime
but when he really needed him
He was declined.
I heard his father
he told him to be a man
He told him he couldn’t
and would never understand
I wonder has the guilt
swallowed him whole
I wonder will anything
fill his now empty soul
I heard his girlfriend she said goodbye
she was sick of the whines and all his cries
he said he didn’t need her
he needed no one
but in the end we all know he needed someone
I heard he did it with a gun
I wonder if it hurt
I heard he couldn't take it
All the pain and all the hurt
I heard he had a brother
a mother and a dad
I saw them at the funeral
they were bitter sweetly sad
I wonder does a tiger cry
when a brother loses his life
I wonder can you catch a tiger with a tear in its eye?

Everyone seems to do, just fine on thier own
How come I can't stand, the thought of being alone
I'm spiraling down
Taking the innocent with me
I don't think I'll ever have the strength, I see in so many.

Darkness and silence surround me,
My horendous thoughts drowned me,
Happiness pursuades me
It pushes and it grinds
But I can't seem to find, the stability
Everyone has but, I.

I pout and vent at those around me
I give off an aura of nothing, but meloncholy
My vibes I send, aren't what you wish
If I could change these emotions
Trust me, I would in a flip

But I am stuck in a state
Of which I cannot explain
Its costing me everything; my life and my friends
None of them can feel, the pain that transends
So why be around me
I'm a burden with no mends.

Possibility is the killer
Its the force that will destroy me
My worst enemy
Shes looking right at me
I see it and I believe it
and it makes sense
Logical in these weary eyes
Could I step out and concur this world
The answer is definite
The truth; solitary I am bound
Greatness lies within these eyes
Doubt in every mirror
Do it tonight
Conquer this decimate land
But these weary eyes see all angles
Widening and constricting
Disturbing my perceptions
I'll close these eyes
Just for tonight
Over whelmed with the possibility

I’ve been so caught up
In procrastination
That I’m walking on egg shells
With a cracking foundation

I’m sweating and shaking
Anxious and fearing
It’s ******* with my mind
And my decision making

I want to be filled
With calmness and peace
Without the train of thought
It will soon, decrease

For now I sit
And clear my mind
The thoughts they come
And they go
Like all of my problems
Swaying in a flow
I’ll wish them good-bye
As I let go

Natures wind blows hard
And nurture is not so sweet
Tornadoes brew
And volcanoes erupt
Yet nurture is still cold as the ice nature creates
A being lies still; corrupt.
Thunder clashes and the lightening follows
Wheres the middle ground?
Wheres my middle ground?

Happiness is not far; yet not too close
The wind whips by, like a chilling ghost
Every thought and every action stands idly by
Until the violent rupture stares me in the eye.

Happiness teases in the most displeasing way
It tricks and alludes in all the common ways
Although your eyes; they cannot see
For it deceives, both you and me

Happiness is a fallacy; this is all that is true
You cannot depend, on anyone but you
You mustn't cry at the alterations
Focus only on, your narration.

Just gonna run for hours once the sun comes up
Sleep and rinse repeat until I reach defeat
Maybe I'll be alright, maybe I won't
Maybe I'll take those silly meds to keep them chemicals in check
Maybe I won't!
I don't give a
Hmm maybe I do Maybe I don't
Money, money makes the world go round round round
And I just don't got enough
They got me got me got me
Right where they want me
I don't give a
Hmm maybe I do maybe I don't
I'll be alright
Alright as a poor ***** can be In this ****** economy
With people you can't trust
Who leave you in the dust!
98% to be exact
Statistically speaking
They are waiting on your back breaking
So they can be there and care for you in your despair.
I don't give a
Hmm maybe I do.maybe I don't.
Nobody has triggered my sense of utter disgrace in this human race
Well now that's a lie
Because its all of you
I don't give a.

Dismissed.
Like a bug on the wall...
Blown off.
No matter of your heart, at all.

Done with.
Over and final
You got what you wanted, and that's all

Neglected.
And the fault is my own
Took your words for truth
When I really needed to stand by my sleuth.

I want to persist
For my feelings were true
But, you sliced right thou me
Hewed me in half.

I'm left to pay
For the severance given,
Unsure of the source of which it was driven

Twice the pain!
Number 2 in the line.
Thought this was different
But it was just another time.

I miss you every ******* day

I try and force these **** thoughts away

But you shine right though in the most devious way

Like a web between two dead trees

It traps me and then and there I drop to my knees

I squirm to rip you; get the ******* me

But just like before; you release.



Then again, like a fierce breeze

You take away my concentration with vile ease

Over me; you flow along-happily on your trail

Leaving behind a stench of wickedness

Leaving me nothing but, frail.



Why won’t you just walk away?

Burn; like night to ******* day

Light a match; Fade away

Get this **** underway.

**** Her and **** Him.

        **** life and **** the world.

        **** living and **** this air I inhale.

        **** it all and **** the small.

        **** everything and **** the swine.

        **** the good and **** the bad.

        **** the right and **** the wrong.

        **** the sun and **** the moon.

        **** the past and **** the unknown.

        Just lose it. Lose control and lose center. Lose it all and drop. This is the ******* fall.

        **** hope and **** desire.

        **** the drink and **** the job.


        **** it, you'll mess up.

        **** it, you won't survive.

        **** it, they've won.


        **** this mind and **** my slumber. **** the awakening and **** this hating.

        **** my thoughts and **** my words, **** my eyes and **** my lips, **** the pain that is on a continuous drip.

        **** my legs I walk no more. **** my arms I reach no longer. **** my core I'm rotting from the inside out.


        **** the movement and **** the sounds.

        **** my racing pulse and **** my trembling foot.

        **** my tightened jaw and **** my twisted brows.

        **** my nails gripping hard and **** my ears still hearing sound!


        **** every inch, **** this flesh.

You deserve pain
But all you get is pleasure
It only brings you pain
Because you know you don't deserve better
Your life is lie
A treacherous scandal
You don't have anyone to grip
Nothing to help you handle
You can charm your way in and out of any situation
Make anyone fall under your devious temptation
Your mind is full of memories
You wish you didn't make
You wish you changed your life
Wish you didn't become such a fake
Your drugs are your life
Its what you've become
Nothing more than lifeless
Nothing more than numb
But on the outside
You appear normal
And in your state of mind,its nothing paranormal
And deep in your soul, the truth of who you are
You know what you have done
And nothing now
Can change what you've become
Behind who people think you are
Your nothing but a loser
A man that could have been
What many never get to be

Sometimes it works.
When I grasp the pen tightly
Spreading words across a page
Letting go.

Other times I need to sweat
Sweat out the pain
And sweat out the fear
I need to sweat until I don't feel.

Letting go as my soles slap the pavement
Blurs of the grey sky and the green forestry surround me

Forgotten; the life that engulfs me.
Forgotten; the waves that slam me.
Forgotten; all the thought processes and memory.

Letting go as I slow and regain composure
Drenched in the sour pain that lived in me.

Your tired of living
Without any doing
Your ready to get out there
And start something moving

Without a moment to spare
Letting go of procrastination
You'll shock and surprise
With the ambition protruding

Now your hot, ready and focused
Your gonna tear though this life
Like no force reckoned
Leaving behind your perpetual legend

You have to take criticism as is.
You can't throw a fit each and every time you get a dose.
If you can't handle it now.
You never will.
You should get congratulated for achievements.
But they're not all for simple achievements.

So your seventeen, and quitting smoking-
                Should you have been in the first place?
So your not pregnant-
                Should it have been a concern?
So you survived your over dose-
                Should you have popped those pills?

Actions have consequences.
Criticism lies beneath the soul.
If you can criticize, you can handle criticism in its glory.
Societies standards will always get you.
Don't misinterpret my words.
No need to be perfect.
Karma will corner you.
You turn to make a break
But this time you cannot fake and squirm your way out.
Set your standards higher.
If its recognition that your searching for.
You'll be searching until the end of days.
You want a clap?
Pat your self on the back.
Its your achievement.

Paranoia:
        Own it
Standards:
        Keep them
Mind:
        Open it
Ignorance:
        Destroy it

You have to control yourself.
Destroy the rage inside.
You've got a jet black mind and its bringing you down.
Down below the surface- becoming societies Barbie.
Put a smile on your face.
A frown in your jaw.
Hold it in until you can spill it all out.
Until life's grip has you ready to crawl.

So you had an abortion and your parents didn't find out...
            Are you proud?
So last night you got some action...
            Does it fill a void?
So now you sued you ex for all he's worth...
            Can you sleep at night?
So you slit that flesh again...
            Did it give a sense of relaxation?

Hold your paranoia.
In the end it will save you.
Cherish your paranoia.

I understand its difficult to over come life's addictions.
Its no joy ride.

I'm happy with what I do, with what I don't.
With who I am and how I've grown.
I am independent, I am strong, I am quiet, and I am loud.

I'm not knocking your priorities.
What you choose, don't complain.
Even if it causes you to lose or any kind of pain.
Don't act proud that you can stop.
An addiction is an addiction.
I'll believe it when I see it.
Don't snap when I give you an reality check.
Its not your first.
It won't be your last.

I'm not telling.
I'm only speaking the words of my brain.
Crazy, insane... but, it's what I feel and its something I had to explain.

Sometimes it builds
To a degree intolerable
Some of it, it can be untraceable
The source unknown
Of the aching within
Impenetrable thoughts
Seeking a foundation

Strain comes out
In various ways
From your head to your toes
It will divulge

Aching in the head
Eyes flooded with blood
Tension of the mind
The body too
Tapping of the fingers
Shaking of the leg
It all soon, gives it away

Like a bird in the sky, flying high
Or a fish that swims in the waves of amber
Don't wanna be locked in a chamber
Don't wanna be stuck in a tank; a lower class rank
Don't wanna be held down, told what to do, does anyone happen to feel this way too
Brings a tear to my eyes, my soul full of fears.

I seem to disappear in this dangerous world
stuck in the middle and the fault is my own,
just apart of this life's stepping stones, no one around me, day dreams,
and thoughts of how things could be, but then I'm shaken awake,
and from my mind there embezzled, Try to get away,
but to this life I am glued, its my independence day, it will be pursued!

A voice whispers words into my veins
A voice instructs me, strut this way
And that way too, don’t stop...I’ll never shoo.
By the time I’ve made it to the train
My heart begins to
                                                            T­****
                                                            ­          
                                                      ­                   Thump

                                                          ­                           Thump

                                                          ­                                                      Without a moment to choke
                                                           ­                                                          I hop on the station
                                                         ­                                                  Headed west, with barely a breath
                                                          ­                                A thought in this head that steals any concentration

Sleep eludes me, you penetrate me
Enrich me with the echoes of your mind
Bare with me, let us intertwine
                                                            A path paved over by the ways of the world
                                                            Still hot and sticky, I mold it with my toes
                                                             Imprinted with my wishes and my hopes
No traces of intervention
No substance of prevention



Sitting atop the stool
Painted by the artist
Within his palm
Lies his instrument
Prepared to implement
Painting shadows of time and space
Strokes back and forth
Lines united by grace
                                                       ­                                         A picture varnished
                                                   ­                                           A piece of time caught
                                                      ­                                         As quick as created, it
                                                              ­

                                                               ­                                                   dis..
        ­                                                                 ­                                               si..
             ­                                                                 ­                                                 pa.
                                                             ­                                                                 ­           .tes


                                                      ­Fading with all its glory

Imprisoned inside a house
With photos and mirrors
A kitchen table with apples in a bowl
TV's and electronics to fill silence with sound
Windows to view a different world
With bushes in the yard and mailbox in the front
But beyond that scenery lives a world changing immensely
I lay alone imprisoned in a timeless world
Seems could lay for hours and no one would even know
Somewhere beyond this I imagine I wouldn't feel so alone
In a place that lacks noise that fills every moment with tortuous sound
Not every foot step with a place to go
Not every mistake rubbed with rough alcohol into the wound
A place where I might enjoy the breath I breathe and the time I have left

Can't stop, my rhythm, attraction, there is no control.
Ideally it would all fit like pieces of a puzzle
But nature is cruel
And this world we lean upon
Keeps on spinning even when were falling
It hurts to look back
Its scary to look ahead
Just put your trust into me, together we'll tread.
I know its not something you can easily believe
With every wrinkle of my lid, flashes a face.
Instant grin, creases, gives me a sense of grace.
Can't stop, my rhythm, attraction, there is no control.
Relief spills out as the speed turns to 70,
visions of blurred green and pavement all around me
Sky’s of blue but its hard to get past the grey,
the rain falls in sync with the tears in a freaky sort of way.
Can't stop, my rhythm, attraction, there is no control.

Every thought returns with a vengeance
Aimed at me with torture on its tongue
Roaming from one extreme to another
Determined to knock me out into a state of apathy
It builds and it builds until it topples my mind
Vines wrap sticky thorns into each wound
Vengeance shines with all its glory
It rips happiness apart at all seams
A fridge abyss drowns my mind
Filling and filling until it spreads it ugly
Stricken with hatred and rage
I'm locked in only to battle the ugly
The ugly that's forced upon me
Heavy like bricks
It picks away destroying the best within
I become what I don't want to be
Hideous with resentment and pity
No one could love a face with such ugly

Pounding and pounding within my chest
To hear your voice on the other line puts my heart in arrest
The minutes will never last, I revel in that of which I can
If only I were in your presence, where you could fondly take my hand
We could lie near the ocean waves, where there delightful sound would carry us away
In a new realm, we will not worry of life’s alterations that leave the lines of determination, blurry.

Rhythmic prominent, beats
Are the clues to the unsettling defeat
The ocean salt is now bitter
Revel in the moments that we have left to consider.

Sweat arises, though the existence of the zephyr
My mind is whirling, until you lean in closer
Your chest pounding against mine, forehead settled, lips caress the most divine
A pleasant moment held in time, but as usual it is victim of sublime.

Rhythmic prominent, beats
Are the clues to the unsettling defeat
The ocean salt is now bitter
Revel in the moments that we have left to consider.

I just want some short lived injection of romance.
Just a kiss.
A spark.
A momment that makes want to keep trudging along.
A fleshy touch.
An imperical state, where something blooms.
Where you realize that its worth it.
Someone who can reach inside you.
Flipping your stomoch 'round.
Your sick.
Drowning in suffocating, emotional mudd.

Failure is Everywhere
Its Everything
And Anything

Can't you feel it
As it creeps around your body
Every situation
Every moment that your living

It ties its adhesive tentacles
Tightly around your neck
Intoxicated by its grip
You sway and stumble

Failure is Watching
Its Waiting
And its Anticipating

As I take this yearned journey across the sea.
I learn from experience nothing is what the eye sees.
On and on we drift alone, noise's only of the splattering wave tone.
Time it drifts before we know, now it seems were forever alone.
The depth of the waters is cold as ice.
The fire from the sun hot enough to entice.

Flowing along on our silenced trip.
I discover a mystic ship.
A mirage perhaps? No, no.
What I see is nothing of sort.
It is indeed another boat.
Quick! Hurry. Were going to crash.

Hushed, staring thoughtless.
Mind numbing blankness.
We cannot speak; we cannot do.
We can only watch as it destroys us too.
Swiped away from our grace.
Quick its vanished before our face.

Your sunny smile; a gift of radiance
Your scent, full of wondrous fragrant
Your bright eyes; vivid and blazing
Its you, that I am always craving

Shining intensely you glimmer and daze
You put my mind in a hazy place
My fairy tale; armored and surreal
I cannot give, you’re my Achilles heel

You never fail, to amaze and woo
With the way you move
and your nonchalant attitude

Your lustrous laughter
Saturates my ears
Your ravishing words
Can bring me to tears

You fill me with frustration
and a little bit of gloom
Its lust and trust knowing
That’s lead my to you

Everyday I see the sun come up
But you can still see the moon
Its cloudy and distant
But oh it exists.

The sun warms me and my flesh
It relieves the chill that night represents

Weather the moon is full or new
Some times its half, even crescent
Then it quickly rises, quarter moon,
Back to half, and finally its new
And when its new, its bright
and the brighter the more
It pains my eyelids
Oh my eyelids

The sun comes and goes each day
But the moon is forever

Shining the earth with light
You can feel it fading though
You can feel it fading
Sometimes early, the clouds will get in the way
They are the cousins of the moon
And just like it they are sure to ruin the mood

Rain pours hard
and thunder claps loud
You can see the moon large and towering
While the clouds surround it and it rains down
Oh it rains down
Sometimes it doesn't stop.
Smothering the earth in polluted waters

Diving too deep in these waters
What a tragic event
Without the sun
It would drown us.

Shores of salty sting call upon my most wanted dreams
Beams of sunlight, rich with warmth, dance upon my skin
An aura of comfort peaks, sleepish smiles bloom and it mirrors
It brings about sensations before buried, because of the burn
Possibility was gone and here we stand
On the top of the oceanic land.

The warm waters rush upon my ankles
My knees fall weak, heat sweeps my every nerve
I breathe in deeply; my senses are heightened to highest of limits
I skip back for fear they will flow too high
The sea is pulled in close, I feel its pressure with my toes
Filled with warmth and satisfaction...
They are cooled much too quickly by the undeniable pull of the sea
Where the tide pulls tightly, far away

Anticipation lingers; as you outline my face with your fingers
Rough and cracked, yet so beautifully molded
No god on earth could suppress such a empowering scape
The sunset skims the endless ocean line
Together, the two shimmer and they shine

A solution is an answer is a new start is plan for action
My mind is a tangled mess is a upheaval of confusion is a plane of destruction

Your words are kind are intentions of rescue are helpful injections
My words are cold are harsh are screams of imperfect reflection

I am stained am bleached am covered in a negativity wave
I am fallen am failing am flailing

This day is everlasting is demanding is a revelation of my creation
My acts are grim are stern are unrelenting

Your forgiveness is comforting is awing is, undeserving.