I'm drinking in the last bit of time
I have left until I cant go back
to the ease and difficulty of memory

when life flutters past in the form
of the butterfly that used to
always escape capture from our nets

I know not the sounds I will make
that may leave impressions
in the air for just a short while

I'm still unsure which foot goes
in front of the other and how many
steps it takes to ascend from here

all that may lead us from now on
are the unknown and the guessed
futures we received from paper fortunes

You watched
me step from the dark
without a word
without a sound
just staring as I
stumbled so slowly
so close
so distant
but fingers could
still have reached
if your heart was in
them

instead

you filled the air
with silence
filled your head
with everything but
remembrance
eyes looking
not truly seeing
what clearly was lying
on top of my skin
really
no glass needed

but I had become
a part of something
you needed to
be forgotten
to move?
to live?

I was never told

and even now
only because I fell back
into the light
so close
so distant
your fingers slightly
stretched
but they lack
the warmth
that you had
traced on my skin
in permanent
marker

drink in what is and what won't be
the second your eyes drift away
let it sink in that time will never see
how it affects us physically each day

accept the old and accept the new
as their existence so much like ours
will never be eternal and like the dew
disappears into the light as stars

memories fray and our beings wilt
beneath the constant flow of change
and so much like the earth's tilt
our lives are just so easily rearranged

now breathe in the air right before you
love the people and places you pass
and when your heart beats become few
believe that this jump can never be the last

sing to me in whispered words
of the night that softly sets
and in the moment light returns
put both our eyes to rest

with dunes of gold that invade
our peace that lies in the dark
speaks in the rhythm of breathing
as the night's favored spark

the origin of life lies
not in the day but the night
for we truly know that we live
when we wake before sight

the day i turn 18 i think i'll vanish
leaving behind a puff of smoke
i don't need much, just a bag
full of clothes, money, one picture
the one of us standing before
the cliffs that lead off into the water
under a blue sky in Big Sur
i won't leave a letter for anyone
not my family, friends, or you
i'm thinking i'll find myself
in a place somewhere far away
untouched by every influence
i've been fed since life began
cause right now i can't be honest
about who i am or how i feel
i'm only running round in circles
of never ending questions and puzzles
all the while receiving silence
there are no answers to be found here
but they must exist deep inside
but i can't focus with all the noise
so away is my only choice to go
until then i can't feel need nor desire
no want, assurance, or acceptance
so the day i turn 18 magic will happen
and i will vanish before your eyes